Loss of a Loved One

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

Topic

[JanetGe]

Thanks @onlinecommunity for your kindness and support.

I have been seeing Psychologist for the past few months.

I think I am getting better with some improvements on both my mental and physical health.

I have now moved to a stage where I wake up with missing my dad so badly but I can control the time I think about him.

However, sometimes I just feel sad and down because I know he is not around and I wish to go back to the past so badly.

Processing the fact of losing him is unbelievably hard and killing me.

I have positive thoughts about moving on with life but it is just becoming so hard to be truly happy from the bottom of my heart.

The pain never goes away but it feels like tsunami that keeps coming back and goes away after taking down my emotions.

I guess it is not the fact that losing him is unacceptable but losing him in such an early time when I still want to spend time with him.

I don’t understand why he would leave us so early and god did this to him.

[tiki2072016]

Thankyou SamWalks totally agree this forum does feel a safe place to share . Your Nieces’ comment does make sense. I know my partner would want me to find a happy path in my life that is all we ever wanted in life together. I do want that but I guess I have to be patient with myself . It’s so hard to think it’s possible right now. At my partner’s wake I would say to family & Friends ” Our Love will get me through ” I guess once the heavy weight of Grief slowly lifts this will happen . I can be a strong person & find things to occupy my time…positivity has always helped in the past with life’s challenges… it is still within me…just gets scary doing it alone. I will continue to light the candles & draw strength from our love xx
I wish you love & strength in your journey SamWalks xx

[SamWalks]

Hi tiki2072016 – I totally relate to how you feel. The new reality of living without the one you so loved means living with the yearning to be with that person, and, I guess, re-wiring your brain to experience the present as a new normal. I’m not sure when that new normal ‘kicks in’ but I would imagine it would take a long time and one will never not miss the person who has gone from your life. My niece said something so true to me the other day (it was her mum who died): that my sister would want us to create our own new memories to make us happy when we reflect. It is so hard to know how one is going to feel ‘on the day’ when you organise to meet up with people, but I think it is important to try to plan things with other people to get your mind from the ‘inside’ and distracted by social life. Be kind to yourself and this forum is a great place to be safe and share.

[tiki2072016]

Love & Strength to All xx I’m at a “lost” feeling time . What is my life all about now that you’re not here . We only ever had Furbabies & Tiki is helping me xx I have ventured out to a few social events which can be good but everything is so different without you ?
How do I move through this “lost” feeing time ?

[JanSB]

Pip, you can tell yourself positive messages. These can help to reframe events and situations. I tell myself that I am strong, that I am a survivor, that I can do it, that the sun will come up again tomorrow, whatever it takes to get me through that rough patch or bad day. It is too easy to beat yourself up, something that I catch myself out doing. So, being conscious of the negative thoughts and defeating them with positive replacements, which I say aloud and over again if needed, really helps me. I like to think that my mum is able to see or know what is happening and I find that both comforting and strengthening. I talk to her and my dad to acknowledge them and tell them that I miss them both. Though you have lost someone physically from your life, their love and connection with you remain, so hold on to that and treasure it. Hang in there and be true to yourself. There is no easy way to grieve.

[gflintham]

Hi its GFlintham thanks for the replies

[gflintham]

Hi its GFlintham thanks for the replies
I just wish I could help more people because I’ve lived the depression.
But I did not help my wife because she hid it so well.
She is angel in sky looking down on us now.
My aim is to stop others having to go threw what I did

[tiki2072016]

It will be 2mths tomorrow that my loved one of 41yrs passed away. I’ve had a sad day today … try & think of what might trigger it but I don’t think it’s a trigger Grief just changes all the time. I had a few busy days doing maintenance around the house but today I rested but I actually woke up sad ??? I think I can be better if I have things arranged to do but with feeling so changeable it’s confusing .
Sending Love & Strength to All here xx

[SamWalks]

Hello @Pip I so understand the ebbs and flow of feelings. It astounds me at how much it affects the body so much as well as the mind. There are many things I have yet to do since my sister died like look at photos, drawers that I know have things she gave me, songs that remind me of many things. Today I’m having a ‘good day’ strangely as yesterday was horrible with such deep sadness I just wanted to crawl into bed. I think accepting that constant change in mood is helpful although it is hard for those around you as they don’t know which version they are going to get every day.

[SamWalks]

Thank you @GL Friend – I agree that even though it feels strange and awkward to cry and allow emotion to flow, it has to happen at some point so probably better to let it out when needed, like a valve.

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