Loss of a Loved One

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

Topic

[Sarah]

To me, the loss of someone you love is so difficult and I’m not sure we ever are ready for it. I try to find the ‘gift’ in the loss, something important to take away that reflects the meaning of the love shared and the positive influence they had on me.We often don’t ‘get over it,’ however we can learn to manage our grief and learn to live with loss.

[onlinecommunity]

A warm welcome to all our new community members. The Griefline forums community is growing everyday. We invite all members to introduce yourself and share your experience of grief and loss. Whether you’re really suffering right now and in need of support, or like @Sarah feel like you can help others by sharing a coping tool that got you through the toughest of times, we would love to hear from you.

[JanSB]

I am trying to stay calm and not be anxious. My husband is leaving me after 22 and a half years together. I cannot access my first psychologist appointment for another two weeks. Have been crying a lot and am still in disbelief. Have tried many times to ask my husband to give me time to get help for the many mental health issues which has named. I have not seen any posts that look like the specific issue which I am experiencing.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by JanSB. Reason: It cut out most of what I wrote

[onlinecommunity]

Hi Jan,

Welcome to the online forums and thank you for showing such courage in sharing your distress and feelings of disbelief over your marriage troubles. You have posted under ‘Loss of a loved one’ which is very understandable considering what you are experiencing. Grief is a reaction to many different types of loss and the breakdown of a relationship is a very common cause of grief that we attend to here at Griefline.

You might like to also visit the ‘Estranged Relationships’ topic under the Loneliness and Isolation forum – as you will likely find community members with shared experience there too.

It sounds like you have real inner strength to pull on, considering your efforts to stay calm/avoid anxiety and to practice self-care by booking in your psychologist appointment and reaching out to others on the forums. You are showing immense courage to cope as well as you are right now.

Some other tools to help you cope in the short term are our website page on ‘Relationship Loss’ which has some comforting and informative insights. You can visit it here

Another soothing tool which may help when you are feeling overwhelmed is this 5-minute meditation from our Resource Hub.
5-Minutes of Bliss: Breathing and Body Awareness Meditation. Access it here.

I also invite our caring community to share their experience and support with Jan.

Jan, please keep in touch…we’re here to support you through this very difficult time. 🌸

[JanetGe]

My dad passed away in Nov 20 from Cancer. I have been going through intense and complicated mental disorder that I have ever imagined. He passed away overseas and I had to attend his funeral and say goodbye after 14 days isolation. Saw him sleeping in the coffin and being pushed to be cremated when one month ago, he was standing in front of me talking. I wake up every day with vividly being aware he is gone and regret of not cherishing every single day with him when he was alive. I have been feeling meaningless of life and hopeless of rest of my life. Everything is different to me now and I know I won’t be truly happy for the rest of my life any more. Not too sure how long it takes for me to heal but I miss him so much and I cannot control crying when I think about him. I feel dying in my heart as well.

[onlinecommunity]

Hi @JanetGe, welcome to the Griefline forums community. We are sorry for the loss of your dear father and glad that you have reached out to express your sorrow. Telling your story of loss is so important to navigating the grief process. 🌹

We are here to support your emotional wellbeing, but you mention you feel like you are experiencing a complicated mental disorder. Have you had a chance to check in with your GP to ensure you also have the right support for your physical and mental wellbeing?

You speak of many painful feelings and thoughts…having regrets, feeling like life has no meaning, you’ll never be happy again, crying all the time. And while everyone’s experience of grief is unique to themselves, these are all grief reactions that we see often at Griefline. It’s sometimes comforting to know that this is a normal part of the grieving process and it is your mind and body’s way of helping you adapt to this changed reality.

We wanted to acknowledge what a traumatic experience it must have been to be isolated for 2 weeks as you awaited your father’s service. COVID has compounded people’s grief in so many ways. You showed immense strength to travel overseas and get through those 14 days in order to farewell your father with the love and respect he deserved. This is something above and beyond what most of us go through to honour our loved ones. We feel sure that your father was aware of your fierce love for him before he passed.

And it is this inner strength that you can draw on to get you through these dark days. Right now you are feeling hopeless and that life has no meaning. Perhaps you are asking too much of yourself? Remember that it’s OK to take time out. You are working hard every moment as you process your grief…sitting in those seemingly intolerable feelings and recognising them is grief work. And over time will help to reduce the intensity of these distressing thoughts and feelings.

It’s also important to take time out for your physical and mental wellbeing. How are you sleeping and eating? Are you able to take some exercise? These are all so important to your healing. It can also be very soothing to practice some mindfulness. You might like to try the ‘Focus on Positive Experience’ recording on the Griefline website. There are also many excellent tips on coping with grief that you can work through in your own time.

Please let us know how you are going. It’s such a hard journey but you are now part of a caring and supportive community who are here for you. 🌸

[Pip]

My mum died suddenly three weeks ago. I have never felt so alone. I feel like I have to go on like before but I just feel so sad. I am scared my dad will die too and I don’t know how to help him. I am snappy with my kids. My husband is avoiding me I think because I’m not my usual self. I am so lonely and sad.

[GL friend]

hi @pip
im sorry to hear about your loss. yesterday was my mums birthday. she died a few years ago. i hate that she’s gone. i want to say to you that you’re allowed to grieve in your own way. i think that sometimes our loved ones dont know what to do or how to help. maybe they want tk distract us from the grief so it doesnt hurt so much, but, everyone has their own way of grieving. i wonder if there is anything you can do to create your own “grief space”. maybe its journalling or taking time away during the day if you can. perhaps taking up an exercise, yoga maybe. i think its important that we allow ourselves to grieve.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by GL friend.

[Pip]

Thanks GL friend, I will try writing my thoughts and feelings when they feel overwhelming. I think because it was Mum I could talk to when I felt upset, I need to find a new thing to do with those feelings.

I’m sorry to hear about your mum too. I sometimes used to wonder what it would be like to lose one of my parents, but I couldn’t imagine it. And now it’s happened too soon and without warning and I can’t even begin to explain how blown apart I feel. I suppose with time it might feel less shattering, but losing mum will always hurt.

I wonder what you did for yourself in the early days after losing your mum – if you don’t mind?

[GL friend]

I relate to your words so much @pip!!! losing my mum always hurts no matter how much time has passed. she was my best friend and the only person i openly talked to.

early days were very hard. my first instinct was to throw myself into work. my manager was good though. she told me to go home as soon as the clock struck 5.

i hated that i couldnt call mum. i still kept her name in my phone. i still have all her letters and birthday cards.

one of the first things i did after mum passed was that i ended the toxic relationship i was in at that time. her passing gave me perspective and i wanted to live a better life.

i turned my focus inward and started seeing a psychologist, took up yoga, did yoga teacher training, meditation, journalling, watching TV (got into masterchef from that time), started cooking, tried to make new friends, and got into a routine. i tried to be as healthy as i could. cried a lot. still do sometimes.

its been 7 years now. i still miss her. i hate that shes gone. i wish i could have done more (but i know i did what i could).

oops this is so long. i could keep going on and on. feel free to share however you are feeling and know that grief is a normal experience

[Author]

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