Loss of a Loved One

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

Topic

[isabelle1320]

Hello,
I had started a new post relating to post-suicide survivor guilt, however, realised this should come under a new topic which I will create. Please ignore this post and see my original message under the new topic ‘Suicide Survivor Guilt’

Thanks

• This reply was modified 3 days, 12 hours ago by isabelle1320. Reason: Needs its own topic

[isabelle1320]

Hi Barry,

8 months is not a very long time at all and I think it is good that your body is letting you cry and release the enormous amount of built up energy that reflect how much you treasured her life.
I don’t know the details of her life /passing, but can you recall the last thing you and her spoke about or did together? Sometimes this helps bring up good memories that can put you in a different perspective about how her life ended.

I hope you have support from friends/family mate. Looking at who attended her memorial may also help you feel less alone. It is super hard to get the energy to do this but I found it helped me – even now 8 years after my mother passed away. It’s hard when your body wants to cling onto the harsh feelings but it is worth finding these hidden gems.

Wish you all the best

[barry]

Hi

My wife passed away 8 months ago and i still cannot stop crying .
I have never felt so lonely
in my life.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear @downennumb,

I’ve written to you on your new thread.

Still Numb, Still Grieving

kind thoughts

[downennumb]

its been nearly a month since my dad passed away and i still really miss him, while I feel comfort in knowing some family friends are keen to help out I feel scared to reach out and burden them

I also don’t know how my uni can support me further, I already have exam provisions, counsellors and assignment extensions but I still do poorly.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear @lilyc

Although your time together may have been short, it sounds like the love was deep. It makes sense that you would be grieving not only what you shared, but what you could have shared in the future. I can only imagine how the space and time that has opened up around you might feel. Reaching out to friends and family can be daunting, yet also an important source of connection and support. Be patient with yourself in these early stages when everything seems strange and hollow. It takes time to adjust to such an awful loss. Rebuilding life after all that loss happens at its own pace, and the simple daily acts of self-care take on a new importance.

Please keep in contact with us through this forum if you find it helpful, or call the helpline for a chat with a caring volunteer if you feel ready for that. You don’t have to go through this alone.

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

[lilyc]

Hi there, I recently lost my partner. He was my soulmate even though we had only been together for a year. I felt like I’d known him for a lifetime (he always thought I meant that time moves too slowly when we’re together, but what I actually meant was that I feel like we’ve been together since forever and that we’ve known each other for a lifetime whenever we’re together). He was my other half, my life, and my future. I guess it’s a bit different in that we weren’t married for decades and never had a child together, but it’s the potential and all the future plans we had together that overnight just disappeared – that’s one of the most soul-crushing part for me to have to deal with. And now all of a sudden I have all this space and time that I don’t really know what to do with. I know it’s part of the grieving process, but I guess I’m just hoping to feel less alone in this process and make it easier as I go through it, because right now it feels like I will be stuck here forever. I feel like I have no future anymore.

[VM_Lavender]

Hi @rossgb,

Thank you for reaching out. It makes a lot of sense for you to be having those feelings of guilt or questioning things you should not have said or could have said differently. Especially after 33 years of marriage. I am sure a lot of those feelings and thoughts will come up with so many years together. As you may have already been told or read, it is very common to experience guilt after the loss of a loved one. In terms of suggestions to improve this, this can be difficult to identify because what may help depends on the individual. However, I would suggest to continue reaching out via the online forums where you may find people with similar experiences. There is also the option to speak to the Griefline volunteers on the helpline for a supportive chat 7 days a week 9am to 8pm AEST 1300 845 745. You could also consider speaking to a grief counsellor to unpack this guilt, there is a link below. This may or may not be helpful but here is a link to two articles in our resources that may resonate with you, https://griefline.org.au/resources/men-and-grief/ and this article highlights the common experience of guilt in grief https://griefline.org.au/resources/types-of-grief/

Here is also a link to finding a grief counsellor if you are interested https://griefline.org.au/get-help/find-a-counsellor/

Please continue to reach out, we are here to support you in the grief. Take care.

[rossgb]

Hi I’m Ross and I lost my wife of almost 33 years about 2 years ago. Although I think I am coping reasonably well, I find I am constantly thinking of her and also feelings of guilt about things I should have supported more in the past as well as things I should not have said or could have said better. Any suggestions on how to improve this?

[Vm-LilBee13]

Hi @katt, I am sorry for your loss and I am glad you are reaching out. You said you have hit a wall, and I want to remind you to be gentle with yourself. You spent years in a caregiver role, constantly doing for someone else. It can be overwhelming the feeling of emptiness now that the reality of the new normal is setting in. It’s completely okay to not know what to do next. There is no need to force yourself to deal with his belongings, especially because his room is filled with memories. Since you were such close friends, it might be helpful to simply sit in the room and talk to him sometimes. Your relationship and the love and care you shared didn’t end with his passing, it just looks different now. Remind yourself that you can let the process happen at your pace, not society’s.

To support your self-care, I will leave you a resource that is on Griefline website that might be helpful:

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

Take care and please know you are not alone.

[Author]

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