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  • #13873
    Effie
    Participant

    Hi
    I have been caring for my nephews n niece for 8 years
    It’s a carer situation. My husbands family has done nothing but abuse me for 7 and a half years. My husband does not support me or stick up for me he just makes excuses. I am sick and he is more worried about everyone else than what’s in front of his face. And has done this for years. He tells me I’m living in the past to let it go. But when ur traumatised by toxic people being his family, abusing me and blaming me for their drug addiction and mistakes it’s not past it’s trauma and present.
    I’m so alone I feel I lead a single life. I feel I’m being used Cos it’s easy cos I’m an idiot. He keeps calling them his kids.
    They are not his kids.
    I get abused for years and now he thinks it’s ok to have a relationship with his family, like it’s ok. Well it’s not I don’t see this working out. I’m sick of being used, I’m sick of being abused and not supported by the one person that should. I can only put it to one thing. He just does not give a damn. Blood is thicker than water.
    But my life is gone now. My life is not my own it’s been dictated by morons.
    I’m sick of this.
    And now loosing my dad recently I just want to be with him. This is crap. This is not the life I signed up for.
    I’m actually hating everyone in my life
    Enough is enough.
    Christmas was shit and I’m sick of being judged.
    Lost my marbles, right.

Viewing 21 replies - 1 through 21 (of 21 total)
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    Replies
  • #16314
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Effie, welcome back to the forums. Our hearts are with you – you have your Dad’s anniversary coming up while feeling disrespected and alone in your marriage.

    It might be helpful to know that feeling alone in a relationship is more common than you think. Many of us are surrounded by lots of other people and yet still feel lonely. We long for someone who we can rely on, confide in and feel respected by.

    Because a quarter of Australians are dealing with loneliness and isolation like this, Griefline has started a new free service called Care to Call. We wonder if it might be something you’re interested in. At this stage, it’s funded for people living in NSW and Victoria only. So if you’re located in either one you might like to take a look at our webpage and consider signing up for the program.

    You’ll get a phone call every week from a friendly volunteer to talk about your experience. They’ll listen and understand. They might even suggest some activities in your local area that you could get involved with – to bring you some happiness and ease the loneliness. If it sounds like something you’re interested in, fill out the registration form here on our website; https://griefline.org.au/care-to-call.

    You are also warmly welcomed to keep posting here. We are here for you. 🌸

    #16309
    Effie
    Participant

    Hi all
    An update
    It’s a year nearly since my dad passed away already. I miss him everyday. I’m still being treated like crap. I’m disrespected by my husband
    He speaks to me with rudeness with no apology he speaks to others like honey but to me he’s a jerk. And I have to be ok with it. Well I’m not anymore.
    He does not deserve me n I’m sick of being used like a glorified house maid for his brothers kid’s.
    Today he was commenting on girls at the beach n telling the older boy to ho show them how to kick a ball.
    I believe it was him that wanted to go. But disrespected me to my face.
    Not to mention being on his phone when I talk so I guess it’s time to see a solicitor.
    I’m not well his family has made me sick and he allowed it and sticks up fir them when they abused me for years he never asks how I am at all. He is rude full stop. I think he is here cos he’s expecting I’m gonna die so he will get it all.
    All I can say is thank god we don’t have kids together
    But I’m fed up. He needs to go.
    I’ve been married for 30 years and I’ve always been alone. Leading a single life cos he is selfish. Simply a pig.

    #16300
    jamifids
    Participant

    Hi
    I have been caring for my nephews n niece for 8 years
    It’s a carer situation. My husbands family has done nothing but abuse me for 7 and a half years. My husband does not support me or stick up for me he just makes excuses. I am sick and he is more worried about everyone else than what’s in front of his face. And has done this for years. He tells me I’m living in the past to let it go. But when ur traumatised by toxic people being his family, abusing me and blaming me for their drug addiction and mistakes it’s not past it’s trauma and present.
    I’m so alone I feel I lead a single life. I feel I’m being used Cos it’s easy cos I’m an idiot. He keeps calling them his kids.
    They are not his kids.
    I get abused for years and now he thinks it’s ok to have a relationship with his family, like it’s ok. Well it’s not I don’t see this working out. I’m sick of being used, I’m sick of being abused and not supported by the one person that should. I can only put it to one thing. He just does not give a damn. Blood is thicker than water.
    But my life is gone now. My life is not my own it’s been dictated by morons.
    I’m sick of this.
    And now loosing my dad recently I just want to be with him. This is crap. This is not the life I signed up for.
    I’m actually hating everyone in my life
    Enough is enough.
    Christmas was shit and I’m sick of being judged.
    Lost my marbles, right.

    You need support and time to deal with the situation. You don’t need to make any quick decisions. Think about what the future holds for you.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by jamifids.
    #14093
    amojel
    Participant

    Hi,

    I have no idea what occurred last night but I’ll try to be in touch later on today. I have a really busy weekend ahead so if you write and I don’t respond particularly quickly, I’ll write when it’s easy.

    #14092
    Effie
    Participant

    Hi
    I’m
    Not sure what’s going on.

    #14091
    amojel
    Participant

    Hi Effie,

    I tried to reply to your previous message and it didn’t go. I got a response to say it was blocked. Not sure what’s happening. I think it would be good to keep up some contact. I’ll send you a personal email if necessary.

    #14090
    amojel
    Participant

    Hi. Trying to write to you but been blocked. Not sure what’s going on.

    #14089
    Effie
    Participant

    As far as the kids go, we’ll it’s easy for the family to pass blame on me for the kids upbringing Cos they are still in denial about the drug abuse.
    They have nothing to loose blaming me for anything. They sure as hell don’t want the kids, if they did they would have fought for them. But not once did anyone fight.
    Just she’ll be right. Glorified babysitter and we see them once a year and act like it’s a normal happy family.
    Whilst I’ve been abused and traumatised by the most toxic people I know.
    No judgement just saying.

    #14088
    Effie
    Participant

    No one supported me and still no one supports me
    But in saying this as there is no tone in writing I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.
    Yes I’m angry and was angry and now I’m just angry at myself for allowing things to get to this stage.

    I’ve allowed people to treat me like this
    But I’m now at a no more stage.
    My siblings can go to hell. My husbands family can go to hell. I’m just done with it.
    It was easier with dad here Cos at least I knew where I stood.

    #14087
    amojel
    Participant

    This is about you and not me because, right at this moment, I’m here for you. I’m pleased that you acknowledged there’s some anger but I’d also like you to consider the feelings of abandonment from the people around you. It sounds to me like you were the one who took responsibility for your father and other things and no one else could be bothered, and even in the way you described your relationship with your father. Trying to put myself in your position, I’d feel really angry and let down. Who the heck/hell was there to support me (in my imagination of your experience) so who was there for you? No one by the sounds of it. Okay; so what can we do with that? Well, for a start we can probably acknowledge that you’re pretty damn tough. What do you think?

    #14086
    Effie
    Participant

    Anger yes abandonment no.
    Idiot, sucker yes
    I don’t wish this life experience on anyone.
    I’m hoping you difficultly is not draining, I’m hoping u can get through whatever it is, no judgement, I’ve never judged but I get judged and I guess I’m lost because of it.
    Ef

    #14085
    amojel
    Participant

    Okay. I’m hearing a huge amount of anger and resentment. Howabout for this moment we focus on one thing and we can look at another on another day. I’m sure we can easily connect given my profile name is up there for everyone to see. I sense there’s a feeling of abandonment but I could be wrong. I’m not going to lie, my ability to sense things is strongest when I see people or I talk to them in person so I’m relying on your written words to give me a feeling. Tell me how you’re feeling. I actually want to say to you “Hit me with it”. Does that kind of describe how you’re feeling? I’ve had/having my own issues in life and it’s hard going. It’s really hard going being able to talk with someone who doesn’t judge you. Well, let’s be real. The people who want to judge us normally have absolutely no idea what we’re going through and so they say things that are meaningless. It can annoy us, we can feel hurt, irritated, whatever but if we stop and think about where they’re coming from, the reality is they probably have no idea and so saying what they think might work and coming from an area of, dare I say it, uselessness :-)?

    #14084
    Effie
    Participant

    There is no fear.
    It’s ok
    My dad was dying fir 8 years
    When I got the kids my dad got sick
    I was juggling 2 houses
    Fighting with abusive toxic people and fighting against dementia and cancer.
    My dad hated
    Me I was the devil child. But when he got sick I was the only one that would or could do it.
    As much as we argued through this time I did it because I did not want him to die alone or in pain.
    He had cancer he couldn’t walk he had a catheta. No matter what I wanted him to be comfortable and in as little pain as possible.
    He should have died years ago but he was one of the 1 percent that lived more than 5 years with kidney cancer.
    I managed him at home no nursing home. And for that I’m happy with myself.
    But my dad n I clashed too much alike. I was the bastard that did everything wrong. Couldn’t get ahead in life couldn’t have kids a failure to him.
    I lost my jobs because of the kids and the situation with dad. I had no kids Cos I was sick too so all odds where against me.
    No matter what I know deep down he was proud of what I had done did him.
    But in the end I feel I failed I was mortified even though it was going to happen eventually. I guess I was not ready after all.
    The relationship with dad well he and I where together everyday and I slept at his house to make sure he was cared for as mum couldn’t do it.
    My siblings did nothing to help at all. Living the dream that’s ok she’ll be right.
    I visit dad everyday I sit have lunch or hit chocolate or something I cry everyday I ask him to take me with him.
    I’m sick of being everyone’s sucker.
    I really miss him.
    At least I know what I did for him. The only killer is I feel I failed but it was the hospital that had no duty of care.
    Ef

    #14083
    amojel
    Participant

    And when I say ‘talk’, I mean write. I apologise for using words that may have caused some fear within you.

    #14082
    amojel
    Participant

    Let’s talk Effie. It’s safe to.

    #14081
    amojel
    Participant

    Hi,

    Talk to me about your relationship with your dad. It sounds like it was really strong like I think you are.

    #14080
    Effie
    Participant

    Hi
    I’m not strong
    I’m really stupid.
    But Thanku
    I’m sorry I’ve expressed my self so straightforward but I just can’t hide it anymore.
    I just really miss my dad it’s now 3 months everyday I ask him to take me with him. Because the pain I’m going through with this situation and these kids and the family is unbelievable
    I’m on my last straw.
    But no I’m not strong not anymore.
    Thanku
    Ef

    #14078
    amojel
    Participant

    Hi Effie,

    I need to read your messages a few more times so bear with me. It may not be tonight and it may not be tomorrow. They’ve been difficult for me to read because they’re so full of pain. I hear it with every word you write. You’ve been through a lot and I understand that loneliness that you feel. Well, I know that loneliness that you feel and it’s real and it’s really hard to describe to anyone unless they’ve been there. Knowing what I’m like, I’d encourage you to find someone you can talk to but hey, that’s not necessarily easy. Finding the right person might be a journey in itself but when you do, then I believe you’ll be able to express how you’re feeling in a way that will lessen some of your feelings and help you until the next session with the person you talk with. You’re strong, by the way. To open up, even in a community where visually you are unseen, is a willingness to expose yourself. I congratulate you on this because it’s people like you who help others in similar situations to start opening up.

    #13968
    Effie
    Participant

    Well another crap week has passed and one of the children is just always being rude, abusing his brother n sister. And he told me he wants to leave. So I arrange it. My husband blames me and says find someone else to fight with.
    Totally disgusting he has treated me the same way his family has for the last eight years. I think it’s time to make some choices.
    I’m alone and very unhappy. I’ve been unhappy for years.
    And it’s amazing how this all comes to surface when my dad passes away.
    My husband says. When u stop going to the cemetery have U got a plan.
    So he has an issue with me going to see dad everyday. Why should he care right. He has not supported me for 30 years what’s gonna change now. Or does he feel sorry for me.
    It’s good how it’s all one sided.
    I’m fed up with being used and treated like crap from everyone.
    Ef

    #13880
    Effie
    Participant

    Thanku so much.
    I’m just speechless I feel stupid for speaking up. But it’s how I feel and I’m just crying everyday now can cope with anything just overwhelmed
    Thanku
    I will reach out.
    Your amazing
    Ef x

    #13877
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Hello @Effie, thank you for showing such strength in sharing your distress and feelings of loneliness and isolation. It sounds like you are going through a really rough time, made even more difficult by Christmas which often brings up disharmony in families. The good news is that you are now part of a caring community who are here to support you – so you need not feel alone.

    There is so much going on for you right now – with the passing of your father, the pressure of being a carer, feeling judged and betrayed… and yet you have the bravery and strength to post here on the forums. At times like these, when we feel overwhelmed and rejected and maybe like we’re ‘losing our marbles’, it’s important not to forget our unique strengths and gifts. You show such resilience and compassion for others. It shines through in your post and your caring for your nephews and niece. Try to shift your focus to these and all your other attributes – they are what make you the special human you are.

    It is concerning to hear about the years of abuse you have endured. Your safety is vital so if you are in immediate danger please reach out to one of the services available to victims of domestic abuse in your state. A good place to start is 1800 RESPECT.


    @Effie
    please keep in touch and stay well. We’re here for you.

Viewing 21 replies - 1 through 21 (of 21 total)
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