Used

[Effie]

Hi
I have been caring for my nephews n niece for 8 years
It’s a carer situation. My husbands family has done nothing but abuse me for 7 and a half years. My husband does not support me or stick up for me he just makes excuses. I am sick and he is more worried about everyone else than what’s in front of his face. And has done this for years. He tells me I’m living in the past to let it go. But when ur traumatised by toxic people being his family, abusing me and blaming me for their drug addiction and mistakes it’s not past it’s trauma and present.
I’m so alone I feel I lead a single life. I feel I’m being used Cos it’s easy cos I’m an idiot. He keeps calling them his kids.
They are not his kids.
I get abused for years and now he thinks it’s ok to have a relationship with his family, like it’s ok. Well it’s not I don’t see this working out. I’m sick of being used, I’m sick of being abused and not supported by the one person that should. I can only put it to one thing. He just does not give a damn. Blood is thicker than water.
But my life is gone now. My life is not my own it’s been dictated by morons.
I’m sick of this.
And now loosing my dad recently I just want to be with him. This is crap. This is not the life I signed up for.
I’m actually hating everyone in my life
Enough is enough.
Christmas was shit and I’m sick of being judged.
Lost my marbles, right.

Topic

[onlinecommunity]

Hello @Effie, thank you for showing such strength in sharing your distress and feelings of loneliness and isolation. It sounds like you are going through a really rough time, made even more difficult by Christmas which often brings up disharmony in families. The good news is that you are now part of a caring community who are here to support you – so you need not feel alone.

There is so much going on for you right now – with the passing of your father, the pressure of being a carer, feeling judged and betrayed… and yet you have the bravery and strength to post here on the forums. At times like these, when we feel overwhelmed and rejected and maybe like we’re ‘losing our marbles’, it’s important not to forget our unique strengths and gifts. You show such resilience and compassion for others. It shines through in your post and your caring for your nephews and niece. Try to shift your focus to these and all your other attributes – they are what make you the special human you are.

It is concerning to hear about the years of abuse you have endured. Your safety is vital so if you are in immediate danger please reach out to one of the services available to victims of domestic abuse in your state. A good place to start is 1800 RESPECT.

@Effie please keep in touch and stay well. We’re here for you.

[Effie]

Thanku so much.
I’m just speechless I feel stupid for speaking up. But it’s how I feel and I’m just crying everyday now can cope with anything just overwhelmed
Thanku
I will reach out.
Your amazing
Ef x

[Effie]

Well another crap week has passed and one of the children is just always being rude, abusing his brother n sister. And he told me he wants to leave. So I arrange it. My husband blames me and says find someone else to fight with.
Totally disgusting he has treated me the same way his family has for the last eight years. I think it’s time to make some choices.
I’m alone and very unhappy. I’ve been unhappy for years.
And it’s amazing how this all comes to surface when my dad passes away.
My husband says. When u stop going to the cemetery have U got a plan.
So he has an issue with me going to see dad everyday. Why should he care right. He has not supported me for 30 years what’s gonna change now. Or does he feel sorry for me.
It’s good how it’s all one sided.
I’m fed up with being used and treated like crap from everyone.
Ef

[amojel]

Hi Effie,

I need to read your messages a few more times so bear with me. It may not be tonight and it may not be tomorrow. They’ve been difficult for me to read because they’re so full of pain. I hear it with every word you write. You’ve been through a lot and I understand that loneliness that you feel. Well, I know that loneliness that you feel and it’s real and it’s really hard to describe to anyone unless they’ve been there. Knowing what I’m like, I’d encourage you to find someone you can talk to but hey, that’s not necessarily easy. Finding the right person might be a journey in itself but when you do, then I believe you’ll be able to express how you’re feeling in a way that will lessen some of your feelings and help you until the next session with the person you talk with. You’re strong, by the way. To open up, even in a community where visually you are unseen, is a willingness to expose yourself. I congratulate you on this because it’s people like you who help others in similar situations to start opening up.

[Effie]

Hi
I’m not strong
I’m really stupid.
But Thanku
I’m sorry I’ve expressed my self so straightforward but I just can’t hide it anymore.
I just really miss my dad it’s now 3 months everyday I ask him to take me with him. Because the pain I’m going through with this situation and these kids and the family is unbelievable
I’m on my last straw.
But no I’m not strong not anymore.
Thanku
Ef

[amojel]

Hi,

Talk to me about your relationship with your dad. It sounds like it was really strong like I think you are.

[amojel]

Let’s talk Effie. It’s safe to.

[amojel]

And when I say ‘talk’, I mean write. I apologise for using words that may have caused some fear within you.

[Effie]

There is no fear.
It’s ok
My dad was dying fir 8 years
When I got the kids my dad got sick
I was juggling 2 houses
Fighting with abusive toxic people and fighting against dementia and cancer.
My dad hated
Me I was the devil child. But when he got sick I was the only one that would or could do it.
As much as we argued through this time I did it because I did not want him to die alone or in pain.
He had cancer he couldn’t walk he had a catheta. No matter what I wanted him to be comfortable and in as little pain as possible.
He should have died years ago but he was one of the 1 percent that lived more than 5 years with kidney cancer.
I managed him at home no nursing home. And for that I’m happy with myself.
But my dad n I clashed too much alike. I was the bastard that did everything wrong. Couldn’t get ahead in life couldn’t have kids a failure to him.
I lost my jobs because of the kids and the situation with dad. I had no kids Cos I was sick too so all odds where against me.
No matter what I know deep down he was proud of what I had done did him.
But in the end I feel I failed I was mortified even though it was going to happen eventually. I guess I was not ready after all.
The relationship with dad well he and I where together everyday and I slept at his house to make sure he was cared for as mum couldn’t do it.
My siblings did nothing to help at all. Living the dream that’s ok she’ll be right.
I visit dad everyday I sit have lunch or hit chocolate or something I cry everyday I ask him to take me with him.
I’m sick of being everyone’s sucker.
I really miss him.
At least I know what I did for him. The only killer is I feel I failed but it was the hospital that had no duty of care.
Ef

[amojel]

Okay. I’m hearing a huge amount of anger and resentment. Howabout for this moment we focus on one thing and we can look at another on another day. I’m sure we can easily connect given my profile name is up there for everyone to see. I sense there’s a feeling of abandonment but I could be wrong. I’m not going to lie, my ability to sense things is strongest when I see people or I talk to them in person so I’m relying on your written words to give me a feeling. Tell me how you’re feeling. I actually want to say to you “Hit me with it”. Does that kind of describe how you’re feeling? I’ve had/having my own issues in life and it’s hard going. It’s really hard going being able to talk with someone who doesn’t judge you. Well, let’s be real. The people who want to judge us normally have absolutely no idea what we’re going through and so they say things that are meaningless. It can annoy us, we can feel hurt, irritated, whatever but if we stop and think about where they’re coming from, the reality is they probably have no idea and so saying what they think might work and coming from an area of, dare I say it, uselessness :-)?

[Author]

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