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My Mum passed away a few weeks ago. I feel devastated and so alone. I feel like I have no none left in my life that loves me. I’m just taking it one day at a time at the moment, problem is I feel like this rollercoaster I am on is pretty exhausting. I don’t want to be overrun by my grief but I just can’t shake it.
Happy New Year to everyone in our growing First Responders community! Continuing on the topic of self-care, thought we’d post a grab from an excellent article on the new Griefline Resource Hub…it’s an interview with ‘Margot’ – a palliative care nurse who discusses getting through COVID, self-care and support networks and helping people say goodbye…below is an excerpt and you can check out the whole story here…
‘Crisis situations ask a lot of first responders, creating the need for increased vigilance and added safety protocols. During lockdown, restrictions also cut people off from their healthy coping mechanisms like going to the footy, the gym, or seeing their friends. It can be helpful to create new rituals and coping mechanisms, like changing clothes or showering when you get home to help you feel like you’ve transitioned out of the workday. Reading, cooking healthy and comforting meals, and getting out of the house to exercise are all key to wellbeing. “And having a dog is a godsend,” Margot says. She recalls that during the lockdown, she and her colleagues would meet to check-in, walk their dogs together and use the time to debrief about work.’
Our list of self-care rituals/tips is growing…let us know if you have something to share…
Hi @Vschiavone, sorry to hear that yesterday was particularly hard for you – we’re just checking in with you to see how you’re feeling today?
You mentioned that your depression comes and goes…hoping today was an easier day for you. Have you had a chance to engage in some of the things that make life a bit more bearable and perhaps bring some hope? Maybe you enjoy reading, going for a walk, cooking…or perhaps journalling or meditation helps?
Feel free to let us know how you’re going and what makes things better…we’re here to support you and your experience might help others too.
Hi @j21405, welcome to the Griefline online forums and thank you for your bravery in sharing your story.
It seems you experienced a profound loss at a very young age and then had to rely on your Dad who despite trying his best, may not have always been fully present due to his own challenges. All of these factors are likely to have developed in you a deep fear of bereavement and yet now you face the loss of another parent.
You may have heard of anticipatory or pre-loss grief which sounds like what you’re experiencing. It can bring on symptoms which include fear, sadness and anger – a lot like the symptoms of grief after the loss has occurred.
Many people find that preparedness can be helpful in reducing the intensity of your pre and post-loss grief. It can decrease anxiety while also bringing feelings of reward and hope. Preparedness can involve having accurate on-going information about your Dad’s condition and also having practical arrangements in place such as financial matters.
Social support is also very important. The way you talk of your sister, the challenges you shared growing up and your shared love of your Dad shows a strong and special bond which will be a real resource and strength as you navigate the difficult journey ahead.
Already you are showing such strength in your approach to your father’s illness. By reaching out on this forum you’re engaging in help-seeking which can be very effective in managing your grief. There are lots of other ways to access help such as one-on-one or group counselling but becoming a part of our community is a really positive first choice. There are sure to be others within our community who can identify and share their stories and maybe even ways of coping.
A warm welcome @j21405, we are here for you as you travel on this very difficult journey.
Hi,
I was 6 when I lost my mum to breast cancer. My dad went it alone to look after my sister and I, along the way battling alcohol abuse and mental illness. Because of this, our relationship with our dad was tumultuous, however we love him dearly and often turn to him for his advice and wisdom. He now has cancer and the prognosis isn’t good. I’m 28 now, and my sister is nearly 30. We’re looking down the barrel of losing our dad in early adulthood and it scares the hell out of me and saddens me tremendously. He won’t experience the joy of seeing us get married, have children of our own, nor grow into the adults he wished for us to be. We’re going into adulthood without a rudder and I’m so afraid of the future. I know of few people my age who’ve lost a parent let alone their second. If anyone has a similar experience I would appreciate hearing it.
Thankshey @vschiavone, im sorry to hear that youre struggling today.
its a hard time at the moment with changes happening suddenly with the borders. i understand. its good to hear that youre looking after yourself and it must have been so nice to facetime with your son even though it doesnt replace being together in person. you keep looking after yourself though. we are here to listen.Hello @Vschiavone, welcome to the forums and we hope you were able to find some joy at Christmas-time despite missing your son. The pain you described caused by not seeing him and feeling like your ‘heart is breaking’ is very understandable and a normal human reaction to being disconnected to loved ones at this time.
This link to a recent ABC radio report on the grief and loss Australians are experiencing due to COVID might help give you more of an understanding of the impacts of being apart and being unable to mark celebrations together. We hope it helps you to know that you are not going through this alone.
https://www.abc.net.au/radio/programs/am/grief-helpline-prepares-for-second-wave-of-calls/13009242
Please keep in touch and let us know how you’re going.
