[Effie]

Hi Mary
Sorry for late reply.
Thanku so much for ur amazing reach out.
I’ve been struggling so much with loosing dad I’m just beside myself.

I’m going to the cemetery daily crying daily just completely lost and really empty.

But Thanku fir not judging me ur amazing.
Ef

[amojel]

Hi,

I have no idea what occurred last night but I’ll try to be in touch later on today. I have a really busy weekend ahead so if you write and I don’t respond particularly quickly, I’ll write when it’s easy.

[Effie]

Hi
I’m
Not sure what’s going on.

[amojel]

Hi Effie,

I tried to reply to your previous message and it didn’t go. I got a response to say it was blocked. Not sure what’s happening. I think it would be good to keep up some contact. I’ll send you a personal email if necessary.

[amojel]

Hi. Trying to write to you but been blocked. Not sure what’s going on.

[Effie]

As far as the kids go, we’ll it’s easy for the family to pass blame on me for the kids upbringing Cos they are still in denial about the drug abuse.
They have nothing to loose blaming me for anything. They sure as hell don’t want the kids, if they did they would have fought for them. But not once did anyone fight.
Just she’ll be right. Glorified babysitter and we see them once a year and act like it’s a normal happy family.
Whilst I’ve been abused and traumatised by the most toxic people I know.
No judgement just saying.

[Effie]

No one supported me and still no one supports me
But in saying this as there is no tone in writing I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.
Yes I’m angry and was angry and now I’m just angry at myself for allowing things to get to this stage.

I’ve allowed people to treat me like this
But I’m now at a no more stage.
My siblings can go to hell. My husbands family can go to hell. I’m just done with it.
It was easier with dad here Cos at least I knew where I stood.

[amojel]

This is about you and not me because, right at this moment, I’m here for you. I’m pleased that you acknowledged there’s some anger but I’d also like you to consider the feelings of abandonment from the people around you. It sounds to me like you were the one who took responsibility for your father and other things and no one else could be bothered, and even in the way you described your relationship with your father. Trying to put myself in your position, I’d feel really angry and let down. Who the heck/hell was there to support me (in my imagination of your experience) so who was there for you? No one by the sounds of it. Okay; so what can we do with that? Well, for a start we can probably acknowledge that you’re pretty damn tough. What do you think?

[Effie]

Anger yes abandonment no.
Idiot, sucker yes
I don’t wish this life experience on anyone.
I’m hoping you difficultly is not draining, I’m hoping u can get through whatever it is, no judgement, I’ve never judged but I get judged and I guess I’m lost because of it.
Ef

[amojel]

Okay. I’m hearing a huge amount of anger and resentment. Howabout for this moment we focus on one thing and we can look at another on another day. I’m sure we can easily connect given my profile name is up there for everyone to see. I sense there’s a feeling of abandonment but I could be wrong. I’m not going to lie, my ability to sense things is strongest when I see people or I talk to them in person so I’m relying on your written words to give me a feeling. Tell me how you’re feeling. I actually want to say to you “Hit me with it”. Does that kind of describe how you’re feeling? I’ve had/having my own issues in life and it’s hard going. It’s really hard going being able to talk with someone who doesn’t judge you. Well, let’s be real. The people who want to judge us normally have absolutely no idea what we’re going through and so they say things that are meaningless. It can annoy us, we can feel hurt, irritated, whatever but if we stop and think about where they’re coming from, the reality is they probably have no idea and so saying what they think might work and coming from an area of, dare I say it, uselessness :-)?

[Author]

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