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hi @pip
im sorry to hear about your loss. yesterday was my mums birthday. she died a few years ago. i hate that she’s gone. i want to say to you that you’re allowed to grieve in your own way. i think that sometimes our loved ones dont know what to do or how to help. maybe they want tk distract us from the grief so it doesnt hurt so much, but, everyone has their own way of grieving. i wonder if there is anything you can do to create your own “grief space”. maybe its journalling or taking time away during the day if you can. perhaps taking up an exercise, yoga maybe. i think its important that we allow ourselves to grieve.- This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by .
My mum died suddenly three weeks ago. I have never felt so alone. I feel like I have to go on like before but I just feel so sad. I am scared my dad will die too and I don’t know how to help him. I am snappy with my kids. My husband is avoiding me I think because I’m not my usual self. I am so lonely and sad.
Dear @Tambalam I can relate in part to your desperate feelings . My partner of 40 plus years passed at home with me by her side & Ambos & Police . It is so overwhelming you don’t realise you are in shock. The thoughts & Images are so Intense you don’t know what to do. Time & Love for your loved one is easeing the intensity. Talking & crying is part of the healing. I wish you love & Strength. xx
Hi @tambalam, welcome to the Griefline forums. We can see from your overnight posts that you have been experiencing an extreme level of distress since the passing of your sister last week. Our hearts go out to you in this traumatic, devastating and confusing time. We acknowledge your immeasurable strength and fortitude to reach out to our community last night seeking support and coping strategies. We want you to know that we are here for you now and for what lies ahead.
It’s good to see that you are seeking further support through ongoing counselling. It might be helpful to know that in some states the Coroner’s court provides a family relationships unit made up of allied health professionals including counsellors, psychologists and social workers.
Your GP is another excellent support, especially after such a traumatic incident. So, if you haven’t had a chance yet we recommend booking an appointment to discuss your experience of grief – both your physical and mental symptoms.
At this early time in the grieving process, you could consider yourself in ‘intensive care’. Be kind to yourself. Practice self-care whenever you can – try to eat healthily, drink plenty of water, spend time in the fresh air and perhaps take some exercise. Surround yourself with people who care for you – family and friends who are understanding, professionals trained in grief and loss and empathetic people with shared experience (like us here on the forums). It can be very comforting to feel held by a tribe of people with your best interests at heart.
Sometimes it’s helpful to remember that everyone’s experience of grief is unique to them – and is normal. Like you, many people experience intense emotions such as fear, anger or sadness alongside physical sensations. Often our bodies respond to an emotion with a specific response such as nausea, jitters, heaviness in the chest, feeling hot, cold or clammy. It can be an unsettling experience but it’s our body’s way of enabling us identify these feelings. It often helps to name and stay with the feelings … even if you can only manage this for a very short time. By doing this you might achieve a feeling of competency to deal with the emotions. And relief. Your journaling could be really helpful to document these emotions, possibly with a scale of their severity. Over time you will see them soften and become much more bearable.
@Tambalam, we hope these initial coping strategies are helpful. Its a lot to take in …but when you’re ready you can tap into the Griefline Resource Hub for more information on grief, loss and trauma. more coping strategies and some tools for rest and relaxation (including this sleep story which may help to soothe you at night).Please let us know how you are going. We are here for you. 🌸
hi @tambalam
i am so sorry to hear about your loss. it sounds so traumatic what you have been through. your sister was so young and no doubt you cared a lot about her. i want to tell you that it is often normal to have flashbacks and experience rough sleep after a traumatic loss.my mum was in her 40s when she passed. her death was sudden and unexpected. its been many years now but every so often i have had to seek the help of a psychologist so i could work through the associated trauma. perhaps this is something that you can also consider and will find useful.
when i felt like crying, id just let the tears flow. there was a lot of anger and guilt inside of me which i had to put to constructive use. i took up journalling and yoga. journalling helped me to let my feelings out on paper and make sense of what was going on. i journalled every night and it helped me sleep without thoughts lingering in my mind. yoga helped me to physically shift the emotions.
i think youre so brave and i wish you strength as you work through your grief, loss, and associated trauma. i hope this helps.