Lost my partner to cancer 4wks ago after 8yrs of treatment at Peter Mac.

[tiki2072016]

Topic

[onlinecommunity]

Hi @tiki2072016, a warm welcome to the Griefline forums. Whist there was no body text in your post, the title speaks volumes about the grief and loss you must be experiencing right now – 8 years of supporting your partner as they battled cancer until you lost them just four weeks ago.

If you are having technical difficulties writing in the body of the post please contact [email protected] for assistance.

We are here to listen, support and share our experiences in your time of need. We hope to hear from you again soon. 🌸

[tiki2072016]

Thank you for your kind words. Everything is working as it should technically just me being new to the set up.
We were together for 41yrs in a very loving relationship. It can be comforting in our home now & can be strange because she is not here. I am also comforting our pet dog . My partner died at home which was one of her last wishes. I do have support around me friends & partner’s family. We live in a small country town & never really feel alone. My stress at the moment is the business side of things…changing name to mine on utilities etc we had a will so mostly all is going well… it’s just having to notify so many areas to inform of passing it can be charged with emotion… I have looked at grief line website & acknowledge the stages of grief. I am eating but appetite not great…sleeping is changeable but I have natural relaxants to help. I am booked in to see my GP on the 26th I have an underactive thyroid which my medication was changed in November last year… just want to check in as I am trying to keep weight on…it could be my grieving & or thyroid as well. Thanks for being here . Regards Jean & Tiki.

[onlinecommunity]

Hello @tiki2072016, we’re glad to see everything is working technically for you here on the forums now.

We are glad to be here for you. It sounds like you had a wonderful relationship with your dear wife and no doubt many beautiful memories to enjoy and reminisce on. Feel free to tell us about her – it can be very therapeutic to talk or write about our loved ones and we would be pleased to hear more about her and your loving relationship of 41 years.

It sounds like you are employing lots of self-care strategies to deal with your grief. Seeking support from friends and family, gaining knowledge about the grief process, looking after your diet, attending to your sleep and checking in with your GP – all of these combined will help to ensure you have a good foundation to adapt to your changed circumstances and continue to live life in a meaningful way.

However, it seems you have a lot on your plate as you navigate all the paperwork involved. Perhaps it would be a good idea to tackle these things in small bites. Give yourself permission to take your time and be gentle on yourself.

We hope that you will keep in touch and let us know how you’re going. You are a welcome member of our community Tiki. 🌸

[tiki2072016]

Hello … Gee it really is a roller-coaster this Grief… I can find it hard talking to some people… expressing how I feel can be hard… I think they won’t understand so I claim up..I guess it’s human for people to talk about their experiences but sometimes it sounds nothing like I am going through…I feel the calmest when it is just me & the dog at home, admittedly there is plenty to sort through at home that can bring on emotions. I realise I need to interact with others … we were both private people & with Ange’s illness there wasn’t a lot of socialising for sometime … so I guess I’m moving towards the new “normal”?

[GL friend]

hi @tiki2072016,

im sorry to hear about your loss. youre right grief is very much a rollercoaster and it sucks. some days i feel fine, other days im a crying mess, and other days i feel kind of numb. i also have a cat and love to keep her close when im missing my mum. i like to think she has my mums eyes lol youre right, it is like moving to a new normal and time kind of heals but i like to try and take things one day at a time. i think youre brave and strong to be facing this time with the curiousity and awareness that you are 🙂

[tiki2072016]

Thankyou GL I wish you well . I just spent a couple of days with my partner’s Sister & family . We use to stay with them while having treatment. It was a loving atmosphere but my thoughts went to times when we were there together so the roller-coaster goes everywhere!!! I came home good that I made the effort but feel close to Ange at home so I can cry when I need to . Xx

[tiki2072016]

Hello all love & strength to everyone xx Just over 3mths now since my partner passed, all legal things have been sorted with each one I had to deal with came intense emotions of wanting my partner here & not have material things instead ??? I am grateful we were both sensible over the years to maintain a comfortable life…simple but comfortable. Then there is keeping busy doing things around the house…everything reminds of my partner some days I have intense emotions have a cry feel desperate…try breathing exercises to calm the mind. It’s the roller-coaster as not every day is intense. I have been putting myself out to a few social gatherings…the next day I have been feeling exhausted. Today I had a strange feeling… I was feeling sad… I wasn’t crying at least not on the out side…I felt like I was crying on the “inside” is it even a thing ??? I should add I am functioning well enough … eating..sleeping basically doing all I need to which is a good thing. It can be hard to put into words the “feelings” of “grief “. I have got a weeks holiday organised with family in a few weeks & I think it will do me good to have a break from all the memories here at home xx take care all xx

[onlinecommunity]

Hi @tiki2072016, it’s good to hear from you again. Thanks for checking in and sharing with the forums – we value your warm, open and familiar voice here. 😊

It sounds like you’ve been navigating some really tough days and feelings lately including the 3-month anniversary of your beautiful wife’s passing. Your description of ‘crying on the inside’ is really moving, and it sounds like a very intense somatic feeling. A lot of people are unaware that we first ‘feel’ our emotions in our muscle and nervous systems (known as affects) before a signal is sent to our mind to create the emotion. And because every affect is expressed through a different sensation it sometimes helps to track these and get to know them. Have you tried writing in a journal? This could be a good place to record these affects and try to put them into words.

@tiki2072016, in case you haven’t come across it we wanted to point out @dlstewart’s post on @JackM’s topic “Lost my partner a month ago tomorrow” from April 16 addressed to you, @JackM and @GL-Friend…just because it’s always nice to know when people are reaching out to us. 🌈

Keep on taking good care of yourself and we look forward to hearing from you soon. We are here for you 🌸.

[tiki2072016]

Thankyou to this community. Love & Strength to All xx The information about my feelings on the “inside” is amazing to know Thankyou xx I have read the post you suggested it is so helpful to hear how other people have come through where I am just starting to go through. I am 2yrs away from age pension so for now I have sort support financially & maybe getting back to work through centralink. My first Appt was daunting as I haven’t used this system for nearly 20yrs, staff were really good they have also included some time with a social worker for my next Appt as I became emotional at this interview. They said I had done good with what I had to do on the government website. My confidence is not where it could be yet. I feel this is the very start of my new life without my partner. Missing them to talk to about everything is very real. My partner had the best Hugs & I am missing them more than ever. I am starting some voluntary work this coming week I went from my interview & once I composed myself thought ok let’s do this the social aspect alone will be good for me. So I am on this mysterious road taking it one step at a time Scary but necessary ? I am still writing in my journal.. healthwise I am good…it is anxiety & emotions that are a challenge for me.
Thankyou All
Love & Strength love Jean & Tiki my Dog who is there for my every emotion xx

[Author]

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