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  • #31553
    delete
    Participant

    Hi all. I’m glad I found this place and would appreciate some suggestions. My family is broken and I have no friends at all. I know I need to join something and connect with people, but how do I begin? There has been so much pain it just feels safer to stay away from everyone. I don’t want to commit to anything in case it gets overwhelming. There is activities for seniors in my area but I worry people will ask questions about my family once they get to know me. How do I tell anyone that I’m estranged from my family? How do I act confident around people when I feel like hiding away?

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  • #31603
    abc01
    Participant

    Dear delete,

    I am not in your situation, however I have and do deal with loneliness and often wonder how to answer the general questions that people usually ask as small talk.
    Like you said,you know of some activities you could attend. You only need to make small steps to start.
    Nobody all lives their lives in the exact same way. So you may actually meet people with a similar story to yours. Or ones that aren’t “traditional”. Just the other month I was having lunch with a friend and the elder gentleman at the next table decided to join our conversation and told us all about his life from the 70’s,and the fact his second wife left him because he wouldn’t become a swinger. It took me a second to sink in what he said,but then I was like wow, he has lived a life. He told us he has children but they don’t talk to him either. I believe he started to talk to us because he was lonely. The cafe was full of empty tables,but he chose the one right next to us.

    I believe you are a great person with a lot to say. When you introduce yourself,you just say your name. Not a blurb of your life. When people ask questions you can give as little or as much as you want to.
    “It is complicated.” “I don’t see my family much.” “My family isn’t involved much in my life.” “I prefer not to talk about that at the moment.But thank you for asking.” There are plenty of polite ways to answer about your family and have it not be a opening for a continuing conversation about it. If people persist establish a boundary. Just say thank you, but I prefer not to talk about it. You don’t need to be rude. Just calmly say it.
    Most people get the picture. And I am sure they have things they don’t want to talk about too,so respect their boundaries and they will respect yours.

    As for confidence, exposure is the key. Keep trying and visiting these activities like ones at neighbourhood houses or the ones you spoke about. You don’t need to walk in like Queen bee,but if you are there people generally approach you,especially the organiser of the event. You could wear something that people may compliment you on like a colourful scarf, a fabulous pair of shoes or bring a nice pack of biscuits to the event. Then you maybe able to compliment someone else on something similar to start a conversation with them.

    I am sure you have much to give. Take it slow and remember to breathe. You can leave at anytime. And you never know,others maybe just as nervous to be there as you. The best of luck.
    ABC01

    #31569
    vmsky111
    Participant

    Hi Delete,

    Thank you for reaching out and I’m glad you’ve found us. I’m sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time.
    It’s normal to feel pain and heartbroken, stay in your comfort zone and avoid difficult questions from others. We are only human, and these are the natural reaction of us. It is great that you have a clear understanding of your circumstances and goals, have resources around you, and consciously think about connecting with people. You’ve done a great job and I’m proud of you.

    Given you don’t want to commit to anything, I suggest you look for one-off or casual events and activities and participate in them occasionally when you feel good to do so. When you have a question you don’t want to answer, you have the right to refuse to answer, or kindly let them know that you are not comfortable discussing that. It’s ok to keep boundaries and privacy, decide what you feel comfortable to disclose and what doesn’t.

    You are welcome to call Gday line if you are over 50 and seeking new social connections, or just want to chat with someone about your day: 1300 920 552, 7 days from 8am to 8pm. https://griefline.org.au/gday-line/

    There are some resources about loneliness, isolation and relationship loss, please feel free to check out:

    Loneliness and Isolation

    Relationship Loss

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