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By Sarah Tolmie Life & Love: End-of-Life Services & Community Funerals with Picaluna Funerals.
Daily routine
Question: What does your typical day look like, and how do you incorporate self-care into your daily routine?
Answer: Self-care is crucial for my professional well-being. My day involves therapy sessions and unplanned expansions when ‘death’ calls. On a macro level, I focus on five basics: sleep, nutrition, exercise, being in nature, and connection. I incorporate exercise daily, often swimming in the ocean or walking my dog on the beach. I also build pleasure rituals into my day, like morning coffee and word puzzles with my husband, and evening tea and cuddles. Connection is vital, so I call my mum daily. Additionally, I practice energy routines to activate and cleanse my energy field.
Mental health
Question: How do you maintain your mental health while dealing with emotionally taxing situations?
Answer: I manage my mental health by maintaining clear boundaries between my emotions and those of my clients. I honor and give sacred witness to their emotions without taking them on. I use energy techniques like tapping, prayer, meditation, and visualization. Periodically, I engage in restorative workshops and practices such as Holotropic Breathwork and sound healing.
Emotional boundaries
Question: What strategies do you use to set and maintain emotional boundaries with clients and their families?
Answer: Balancing compassion with professional boundaries is essential. I set contact agreements and have support systems in place. During critical times like funeral arrangements, I immerse fully but ensure I can step back when needed. Empowering families to manage their own resources is also key.
Physical health
Question: What practices or routines do you follow to take care of your physical health?
Answer: Swimming is my primary physical activity, along with walking and being in nature. I maintain a balanced diet and ensure everything is in moderation.
Stress management
Question: How do you manage stress, and what techniques do you find most effective?
Answer: I strive for a drama-free life, maintaining healthy relationships and a balanced lifestyle. My home and family life are my sanctuary. I rely on my energy techniques and support systems to de-stress. Enjoying fun activities, singing, dancing, and connecting with my community also helps.
Support systems
Question: What types of support systems do you rely on?
Answer: I have access to supervision and psycho-educational training through my partner, Picaluna Funerals. Peer support with fellow funeral celebrants and arrangers is invaluable.
Training and education
Question: How important is continuous training and education in your field?
Answer: Ongoing education is crucial for staying inspired and growing. Picaluna Funerals provides ample training opportunities, and I am exploring returning to my academic roots for research.
Work-life balance
Question: How do you maintain a healthy work-life balance, and what advice would you give to others in your field?
Answer: Achieving balance took years of self-employment. It’s vital to set boundaries and trust that work will always be there. I advocate for hybrid careers to manage sustainability and prevent burnout.
Handling grief
Question: How do you process your own grief after the loss of a patient?
Answer: I accept grief as a natural response to death. Viewing death as part of an ongoing life cycle offers comfort. I lean into the grief, fully experiencing it, which I believe strengthens my ability to do this work.
Reflective practices
Question: Do you engage in reflective practices, and how do they help you?
Answer: While I don’t journal often, I use tapping, talking, and thinking as reflective practices. Sharing stories with like-minded peers provides therapeutic balance and perspective.
Warning signs
Question: What signs should practitioners look out for that indicate they need to focus on self-care?
Answer: Negative spikes in health, relationships, sleep, time management, and emotional regulation are warning signs. The inability to say no is also a red flag.
Resource recommendations
Question: Are there any books, tools, or resources you recommend for self-care in this field?
Answer:
- Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
- Dark Night of the Soul by Thomas Moore
- A Therapeutic Journey by Alain de Botton
- The Language of Emotions by Karla McLaren
- The Wild Edge of Sorrow – Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief
Self-compassion
Question: How do you practice self-compassion, and why is it important in your line of work?
Answer: Self-compassion involves regarding oneself compassionately and treating oneself with care. It’s crucial because it drives prioritising self-care. Practices like Tapping, Prayer, and Ho’oponopono affirm self-worth and provide deep healing.
Inspiration and motivations
Question: What keeps you motivated and inspired in your work, and how does this contribute to your self-care?
Answer: A community of compassionate, gritty people inspires me. Living a life of purpose and legacy drives me, as does the opportunity to contribute, create, connect, and give care.
Top tips for practitioners
Question: What are your top three self-care tips for other end-of-life practitioners?
Answer:
- Prioritise self-care and daily routines covering the basics: eating, sleeping, exercising, pleasure, and connection.
- Practice meditation and mindfulness; develop an emotional first aid kit and an energetic and spiritual support toolkit.
- Learn about emotional care through courses, such as Sarah’s “How Do You Feel? Using the intelligence of our emotions to heal and be whole in life & love.”
