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Dear tonzi,
Losing someone so close to you, especially if you weren’t expecting it, can be incredibly disorienting. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling shattered and overwhelmed by grief on losing your Mum in this way.
Grief is complex and individual. It’s really important to give yourself time and space to navigate your emotions. While it’s important to reach out to your support network when you’re ready, it’s also your right to communicate your needs and boundaries while you go through this.
It’s not uncommon for grief to strain relationships, especially new ones, where perhaps everyones’ needs and boundaries aren’t fully understood yet. Attempts to make you feel better may come from a place of real concern, and at the same time you have a need for space and the understanding that your grief can’t be rushed or easily fixed.Part of the difficulty of being human is that when we most need understanding, we are often least able to communicate that. Before making a big decision, consider having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and needs. You understand yourself better than anyone, and it’s OK for you to ask for space and understanding, if that’s what you need.
Grief can be a long journey, and it’s alright to take things one day at a time. If things feel overwhelming, it may be helpful to focus on self-care, healing and put off big decisions until you have more clarity and energy. Some of the resources on https://griefline.org.au/resources may be helpful to you.If you feel up to a conversation with a caring volunteer, you are always welcome to ring the Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm AEST). We are here for you.
Its ok to not feel ok. Life is astoundingly unfair, your grief and pain are your own, and no one can tell you how to feel or process it or how long you need. Be kind to yourself and how you feel. Writing down how you feel can really help. that’s why I joined this forum.
The days leading up to and after the funeral will be hard. My mother was also not released for a funeral for a couple weeks and I felt like I was stuck in stasis.Hello @aftersummer
I am so sad to read of the horrible loss of your friend. To lose a friend in such shocking and tragic circumstances must be utterly devastating, it makes sense to me that you feel nothing will be okay ever again.
I am so glad you have reached out, it takes courage to seek support and connection when we are feeling so much grief and all the emotions that come with it. We are here for you, and when or if you feel like you would like to talk, we welcome your call on 1300 845 745, 8am – 8pm 7 days a week. There are also some resources available on our website http://www.griefline.org.au that might help with understanding what you are experiencing. Specialised support is also available through 1800RESPECT – 1800 737 732 and information/resources specific to your state or territory available on their website http://www.1800respect.org.au
I wanted to say how sorry I am that your friend’s life was cut so tragically short, it must be bringing so many emotions mixed in with the grief and the loss. It is a lot to carry @aftersummer, but you are not alone, we are are here to support you through the coming days and months, and beyond, there is no time limit on grief it stays with us but as time goes on we can find ways to grow around it.
Please keep reaching out. Sending you much warmth and gentleness
My mum died 3 weeks ago. She was in good health and it was completely unexpected. I’m only 32 and expected to have her for so much longer. She was the person who I am the closest with in the entire world. We shared everything and supported each other. So this loss has left me absolutely shattered.
I often do struggle with extreme changes. And this is the first major loss in my life. Both sides of my grandparents I loved dearly but died in their 90s. My grief is consuming me a lot but im close with my family and friends and have a good support that makes me feel good.
A problem I’m facing currently is with my boyfriend of almost 8 months now. I’m pushing him away in a major way. We get along well. He’s a lovely person and while I’m grieving he’s being very supportive and doing his best. But we are not very close yet and havnt been vulnerable with each other as it’s all been happy times. But I’m shutting down and he’s trying to always ask how I am and try to ‘make me laugh’ or get me out doing things. As he has a naturally very positive and happy go lucky personality. And I resent it with a passion atm. People keep saying that if the relationship is good I need to let him in, but being around him makes me feel unhappy, I don’t want to chat much, I don’t want to go out. And I can tell it’s bothering him even though he says it’s fine. It’s only been less than a month since but I just don’t have the energy for a new relationship. Has anyone gone through this and does anyone have any advice from their experiences. Because atm I want to tell him I want a break.
The relationship is making my grieving harder as it’s extra stress as I feel like I have to put effort in I don’t want to.
I don’t know how to think or feel. She was only 20. She should have had a long life ahead of her, full of love and light. But instead the it was stolen from her. Her memorial was on Saturday. They haven’t released the body for the funeral yet. It feels like nothing will be okay ever again
Dear Ruby
It sounds like your brother was someone very special to you and you loved and cared about him deeply. His sudden passing would have been a shock to your nervous system. Often the nervous system will become numb in order to protect itself. That is normal. So is the need to move on which can be so conflicting with the deep yearning and longing you express for your brother. Grief is a rollercoaster of contradictory emotions. It helps to name it to tame it. Many have suggested useful ideas already and I hope some of them will resonate with you. Keep writing here and even calling Griefline to talk about whatever you are experiencing, as grief can be a lonely experience. When you have a moment do read the article attached as you may find some ideas useful. Know that in time you will find a way to hold both your grief and your love for your brother in a good way. Until then know that we at Griefline are here for you.
All the best and I commend you for your courage in reaching out on this forum!
WE THINGS OF FLESH AND BLOOD
We things of flesh and blood,
We creatures of the present time,
Mourning what is gone,
And quaking for what might be.
Tearing ourselves on nails of yearning,
Wishfully driven to hold the past in place.
Little by little learning,
To linger lightly in memory,
To hold in open hands the things we love,
Knowing we, as they, must pass.Dear @chooko
Thank you for sharing your story and being so open with how you are feeling right now. I can get a real sense of what Michael meant to other family members, as well as how he was a daily presence in your life. Having been through so many other episodes of loss in recent history, it sounds like he may have been a great support to you in those moments as well?
As Yanwl13 described, it is completely normal and understandable that you might be feeling overwhelmed by this right now, and that your capacity to handle each day may be different on different days. It is heartening to hear that you do have ongoing support from your children and husband. It is also very insightful and empathetic to see that some of your extended family may have grief being triggered previous events. I can read a great self-awareness of not only of how you are feeling but those around you, and that is a strength in this difficult time.
You wrote that you have been diagnosed with GAD – do you have current and ongoing support from a health professional? Because all of these experiences can be difficult to manage as separate issues, I don’t know if you have had the opportunity to talk to them about what is happening and whether they can also offer additional support options for you?
Hopefully the Griefline resources linked above can provide some other support for you in the meantime. Please feel able to continue to write to us if you can, and let us know how you are going in the coming days and weeks. There are many on here willing to hear your feelings, stories and offer ongoing support for you.
Hi @chooko
Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt message. I can feel the depth of your love for Micheal in every word, the way you describe his humour, his kindness, and the joy he brought to those around him. He sounds like someone who truly lit up the lives of others, and it’s clear how deeply he is missed.
Grief can be so disorienting, especially when it arrives suddenly and shakes the very foundation of our world. The mix of emotions you’re feeling right now is completely valid. Some days might feel manageable, and others might feel like too much. That’s okay. There’s no map for this kind of loss, and no right way to move through it.
Sounds like you’ve also carried so much over the years—losing your parents, siblings, your husband, and now Michael. That’s an extraordinary amount of heartache, and it’s no wonder that your body and mind are feeling overwhelmed. It’s also understandable that your grief feels different this time. It must be especially hard when your grief isn’t acknowledged by everyone around you. You’ve shown such empathy in trying to understand your stepchildren’s reactions, even while navigating your own sorrow. That speaks to your strength and compassion. I’m glad to hear your husband is supportive—having someone beside you who sees your pain can make a world of difference.
You mentioned that you are managing your journey with anxiety with self help books, and I just want to honour the resilience you’ve shown in finding ways to cope. Just want to let you know that you don’t have to carry this alone. You can always call the helpline at 1300 845 745, available 8am to 8pm, or reach out at the forum for support. Additionally, the Griefline website has many resources that may offer comfort and guidance, including articles on grief and loss.
” target=”_blank”>https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/
Sometimes even small insights can help us feel a little less adrift. If it feels right, you might consider sharing more about Micheal—his jokes, his quirks, the memories that make you smile. Keeping his spirit close can be a gentle way to honour your bond.
It has been 5 weeks since I received that phone call telling me Micheal had passed away from a heart attack, he was a wonderful man, a friend to all, he was a great son and a fantastic uncle to all his nieces and nephews, he had a wacky sense of humour and I miss his daily messages and jokes.
I am lost , confused , angry, some days I cope and others I crash and burn.
My other children are all grieving , my step children don’t acknowledge my grief, my husband is very supportive and hurt that his children appear to lack empathy, their mother passed away from breast cancer before I met their dad so maybe they are triggered by my grief.
I nursed Micheal’s dad at home before he passed from cancer 14 years ago, I did most of my grieving before he passed ( or so I thought) this is completely different, I am struggling with anxiety and sleepless nights,
Within a 10 year period I lost both my parents, 2 brothers a sister then my husband, Covid pandemic sent me into a spin and I was diagnosed with GAD , I have managed with self help books Clair Weekes has been my salvation but it’s not helping me at the moment as I am just lost. I am 79 and would love peace from all this .
I love and miss my son , how do you get through this.
Thank you for listening