[mrob]

I lost my son in 2022 in a car accident. He was 20, deeply loved, and well known in our community. Since his passing, I’ve been living with intense and ongoing grief. What’s made it harder is that circumstances after his death left me without any of his belongings or keepsakes. I feel like I’ve been robbed of the chance to grieve properly.

In the first year, his friends were around a lot, and that helped. But over time, the group has broken up. Sometimes, they send messages, but I feel like the world is moving on without me. I remain here, trapped in my pain, while everything else continues to move forward.

I’m also trying to support my younger son, who is only 10. He’s grieving silently—I know he’s trying not to upset me, so he feels that he can’t talk about his pain. It breaks my heart to see him carry this alone. We tried counselling, but they could only get him to open up for five minutes per session.

I can’t really work anymore, although I try. I rarely sleep through the night. I can’t even visit my son’s grave. Most days, I stay at home feeling overwhelmed by sadness and disbelief, which negatively affects my health—emotionally, physically, and mentally. However, I chose to immerse myself in my studies and am currently pursuing both a bachelor’s and a master’s degree simultaneously; I found that this helps keep my mind distracted. But I will graduate from one course this year and another next year—I really need to be in a better place before I start my new career.

My therapist encouraged me to call Griefline, but I wanted to try connecting with others first. If anyone has experienced grief that’s been complicated by trauma or loss of control, I’d really appreciate hearing how you’ve coped. I’m hoping to find some understanding or support because I feel like I’m alone in this.

I also hope that by sharing my journey, I might help others who are navigating grief and trauma too. If you’re walking a similar path, I’d be honoured to walk alongside you.

Thank you for reading.

[VM-Johann]

Thank you for reaching out Sezzie, I can imagine the immensity of emotions you must be feeling right now so soon after your mother passing so suddenly, and I’m so sorry for your loss.

The difficulty in engaging in anything, and feeling at a standstill, is a completely normal reaction to what you have experienced. It is also completely normal for other parts of your daily cycle such as sleeping and eating to be greatly affected. Do you have any friend or family supports around you at this time? Sometimes people can find it very difficult to tell those closest to them that their grief is having a profound effect on them, but if you have that trusted network around you it can help take one step in sharing the heaviness.

Griefline has a number of support resources that may help you through your journey of grief, how to ensure you keep looking after yourself and help prepare you for what will be a very personal process – hopefully it might help https://griefline.org.au/resources/coping-with-grief/

If you haven’t had the chance to talk through what you are feeling with anyone yet – please reach to the telephone helpline. It it available 7 days a week between 8am to 8pm (AEST) https://griefline.org.au/get-help/nationwide-telephone-support/

The fact you have been able to reach out on the forum is a good sign of your inner strength to recognise when you need that extra help – that self awareness of your needs will greatly support you at this time.

Please keep connected through the forum or the Helpline, there are many here who have been through similar journeys and will be very willing to share their experiences to make the road ahead a little bit smoother where possible. Take care.

[sezzie80]

I lost my mum suddenly one week ago.
I am struggling to do anything other than watch TV. My sleep is affected as well.
I just don’t know what to do….
Any ideas to help?

[ditzy70]

Thankyou vmmaggie

[vmmaggie]

Dear Ditzy70
So sorry to hear of your recent and devastating loss. It is quite understandable that you are numbed by your grief, haunted by your mum’s image … after less than 6 weeks.
It might be the natural order of things that parents die before their children but the sheer inevitability is no cushion to the pain, soul searching and feeling of rudderlessness that so often follows.

Well done for reaching out to Griefline … Hopefully there are other resources on the website that you may find helpful. It is often assumed that within weeks after the funeral, the bereaved person is fine, ready to resume work and get on with life. However there is no timeline for grief. A conversation with your employer re a degree of flexibility to your role in the short term might also be worth considering.
Taking care of yourself – eating (even if only small amounts), exercise and sleep are important plus giving yourself permission to grieve and share memories with others are small steps towards a form of healing
Kind regards

[emma32]

Letting go of things belonging to loved ones is tough. Many take time, sorting memories gently before deciding what stays or goes. Sometimes, people even gift items like an old iptv box to friends, helping ease the goodbye while keeping memories alive. It’s all about healing.

[ditzy70]

I lost my mum on the 1st of June this year. I had tried calling her over two days and was starting to get worried why she was not answering. We live a about an hour drive away. I had this sickening feeling that things were were not ok. My fear of finding her was heightened.
I arrived at her home and the door was open and the radio going. I went in as she had not locked the front door. The house was ice cold, I found her on her bed.
I can’t get that image out of my head. I shook her telling her to wake up but she was stiff and cold. I went outside to my husband and he knew by my face that she was gone.
I thought I was ok after nearly 5 weeks off and back to work but clearly, I am not. This week I realised that I have not grieved enough and am back feeling like it just happened again.
I thought that keeping myself busy would help but I think that I have made it worse. Any ideas or thoughts would be appreciated.

[VM-angel33]

Dear @maried1

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. It’s so difficult, heartbreaking and unfair when we lose someone so close to us and I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
Keeping their possessions to us can be so helpful and I am glad that her blanket provides you with comfort and feeling close to her.
I can hear how difficult sleep has been, how painful it has been, how difficult it has been to get out of bed and keep going.
I can hear self blame as well, please know that you did everything you could and you sounded like such a generous carer and guardian.
I am sorry to hear about the fall and the failings of the medical professionals, I can’t imagine how difficult that would also be to deal with and the severity of her injury.
Losing someone unexpectedly is deeply shocking and upsetting.

Please know that Griefline’s helpline is here to listen. We are available 8am-8pm Monday-Sunday. We also offer support groups and online forums, which I can see you have connected to.
If your mental health is struggling, speaking to a mental health professional can be helpful too or reaching out to a service such as Beyond Blue can be helpful as well. Wishing you all the best. We have some information on our website about coping which could be helpful too.

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

Dealing with Insomnia

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

Mindfulness for Grief

[smb1]

Hi , I lost my partner / best friend April . From diagnosis to be deceased in 3 weeks

[smb1]

Hi , I lost my partner / best friend April . From diagnosis to be deceased in 2 weeks

[Author]

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