Forum Replies Created
-
Replies
-
Thank you so much for sharing your story with such honesty. It’s clear how deeply you cared for K and how much emotional energy you invested in that connection. The grief you’re feeling now is very real — even though this wasn’t a traditional relationship, it still held deep meaning, love, and hope for you. Losing that can feel just as painful as any other kind of heartbreak, if not more.
It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling lost, tired, and disconnected right now. When someone we care about pulls away — especially after such a deep bond — it can shake our sense of identity, faith, and purpose. You’re not alone in this, and it’s okay to grieve. You’re also showing strength by reaching out and acknowledging your pain.
Be gentle with yourself. Take small steps each day.
You can always call Griefline on 1300 845 745 from 8 am to 8 pm to speak with one of the volunteers.
Hello @nicyoung, just echoing @ vmmistonthelake. You’ve shown such courage reaching out at what is such an overwhelming time of loss. Please know that there is support for you when you need it and you can call 1300 845 745 between 8am and 8pm 7 days per week. I hope that you are finding ways to gently care for yourself and to seek support from loved ones, and professionals when you need it. I know it is hard to imagine, but I just wanted to say that the terrible pain will not be with you forever, although the grief and sense of loss may never fully leave, the intensity of your pain will change over time. We are here for you, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Go gently,
VmshilaHello Nicyoung,
Thank you so much for bravely reaching out for help. I am sorry that it has taken so long for you to receive a response. It is very sad to hear that you lost your husband and then lost your mother while commemorating your husband’s life. The loss of two very significant persons in your life is a heavy load to bear. It must be hard to put one foot in front of the other, but you are showing strength by expressing your feelings and seeking support. Please take the time to be gentle with yourself as you deal with this grief. Your husband and mother are two people that you would naturally turn to for support during hard times. I am hearing that you may feel you don’t know where to turn. It must be so difficult. Please know there are many people here who are willing to support you during this time. You can call our helpline on 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am and 8pm, 7 days a week. You may also find some of the resources on our website helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/
Take care,
Mistonthelake
- This reply was modified 4 days, 15 hours ago by .
It’s really hard and I’m sorry your heart is hurting. I’m glad you’ve reached out. If she’s made it clear there’s no future, can I suggest perhaps your journal your feelings in a notebook? And if you’re a person of faith, what about prayer to revive your inner spirit? Who is around to support you? Parents? Mates? Your church. You can always call us here at GL or call 1300 845 745 or continue writing on this forum.
Hang in there.
Thanks. It took me a while (it felt like a lifetime!) to figure that all out after my dog died. But it’s a great question. A very moving question. One we’ve probably been asking for thousands of years and will probably keep asking for thousands more.
It was a great comfort to me once I realised that we carry them with us. Sometimes the weight is heavy, sometimes it’s light. It changes every day. I am glad to still have a relationship with my fallen hero through this fluctuating landscape of emotions. I’d give EVERYTHING to see her again, to smell her again but I’m glad she had me and never had to know a day without me. She had a wonderful life with me and taught me how to recognise (and befriend) other dogs that are fearful of people or eye contact or just lack self confidence. I’ll never be the same and I’m so glad! And she would be proud of me for helping other dogs who don’t feel so sure about something to feel safe and respected and secure and build their confidence and trust gently.I am sure every pet owner has earned similar gifts… Learning the quirks of a hyperactive cat, secret hiding spots for treats or naps, how to play with their pet depending on the age or weather or time of day, how to read their moods, what foods they’re sensitive to, the most special treats… all lessons for the next dog or cat (or any pet) or person we meet who might share traits with our old companion.
My family don’t understand because they are afraid of attachment, feelings, vulnerability, love, friendship, kinship. I can not imagine a worse life. To live in such fear of grief or loss that you never let love or friendship into your heart? No thanks. I see the ones who have lost as the lucky ones. It’s strong to share, to share life and feelings and space. To be able to be real, it’s special! Whether you share your home and life with people or animals – whoever you love and cherish and eventually grieve, you’ve done a great thing. Two souls agree and both say “yes, I’ll let you in.” That’s… I think that’s the most amazing, powerful, meaningful moment I’ve had. I think that’s what I live for. To be a part of those experiences of connection.
Life is rare in this universe. To connect with another soul? I think that means you did well.
Hi Scott,
Thank you so much for your courage in sharing such a deeply personal and heartbreaking story with us.
I can’t imagine the weight of what you’ve been carrying with the suddenness of Justin’s passing, the shock of the circumstances, and the layers of grief following so closely after your father’s death. It’s a lot for anyone to process, let alone while trying to support a young family and lead your team at work.
Your love for your brother shines through. The confusion and pain you’re feeling is something many of us experience after sudden loss. Please be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you were a constant and loving presence in his life. The bond you shared is unbreakable, even in death.
Not having answers from the coroner only adds to the pain. Ambiguous loss like this can feel impossible to reconcile. It’s okay that you don’t feel okay right now. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and it’s perfectly valid to feel broken even as you try to hold everything together for others.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out and keep talking, whether here or on our helpline.
We are here to listen.
Dear @roamingshepherd, what a beautiful and heartfelt response. Thank you for taking the time to share, especially with such compassion.
What you’re feeling is completely normal. And it natural to go through a grieving process and important you do it, otherwise if you suppress it may show up another way (irritation, anger etc) some day and you won’t understand why. Plus, its a good way to teach your precious children that men have feelings and that being sad is ok. Everyone has sad and happy days. So dad will be sad for a while but then when he remembers uncle Justin, he’ll tell us funny stories of what they did when they were kids.
I’m glad you reached it, its normal and healthy. Let your family and friends support you in your time of need. And seek a bit of counselling, even if its just a few sessions, just to process the shock (its called acute grief because you weren’t expecting it).
Look after yourself.
If you ever find yourself anxious about that question… if they’ve ever been an important presence in your life then the answer to where they go is easy: they go with you.
You will carry them with you forever.
At first that feels like an immensely heavy burden. Sometimes it is so heavy and overwhelming that you feel SO MUCH that it seems like you can’t feel anything. You might feel empty, lost or numb. Your brain is trying to protect you from these very big feelings so it shuts them off because it’s too much. It’s ok – your feelings will come back. And the spirit of your friend isn’t gone. It’s more like you’re right in the middle of it. You’re experiencing grief, distress, mourning. Every hour of the process is different. Be kind to yourself.Eventually you might come to see the weight of your friend that you will carry as a blessing.
The grief and loss of a dear friend, your bright joy, your best buddy, playmate, soulmate, strength, companion, confidante, support, inspiration … It is a huge thing to lose. But you were blessed to have shared some time together. That is a great gift! How lucky you are to have found each other in this life. Of course it’s a tragedy that time is over. But how lucky that your paths ever crossed.You will never forget them.
Sometimes you will be able to feel them on the wind. Or see echoes of their immense beauty in a sunset or grand landscape. Sometimes you’ll just be washing the dishes, or getting a mug from the cupboard to make tea, or about to open the fridge, or sit down on the couch, and you’ll feel them close as ever! It is ok to cry when you remember they are gone – but remember to laugh at the joy you shared too. Those memories are just as important. Remember the silly things they got up to. Those memories are not gone. Every time you ever spoiled them with treats or pats or cuddles or toys or play… what a gift!Death and loss are not the end, they’re a change to a new type of relationship you will have with your loved one moving forward. It exists in memory now and in who they helped you to become today and tomorrow.
Take care of the person that your pet loved. They would want you to be safe, happy, healthy, loved and living well. And good on you for being brave enough to open your heart up to another living being and share your life with them. Some people are not so brave and never know a love like yours.
I am sorry for your loss but proud of your ability to be vulnerable and open up your heart and your home to an animal and I hope you find another opportunity to share life, love, friendship and compassion with another pet in the future. Your fallen friend will be with you and live on through that experience too. That is a part of how they have changed you forever.
Hi littlenatnat850,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of this close companion that you shared so much with. It really sounds like you had many things in common and we’re really there for each other. There seems to have been many threads to your relationship, as you met through online gaming, and connected on a much deeper level from there. I can only imagine that this is very painful for you as you embark on this period of not having contact with each other.
It is perfectly natural to miss someone deeply when you were previously so close. It also sounds like you have many strengths including your ability to connect with others and form strong bonds. I understand that your strong bond with her is part of what you have lost, but still this does indicate strength and many positive qualities about yourself.
I hope you have someone to support you and talk to you. You can call our Helpline (1300 845 745) between the hours of 8am and 8pm to speak with one of our caring Volunteers. We also have various resources available on our website, such as this article about relationship loss https://griefline.org.au/resources/relationship-loss/.
Please feel free to continue to engage with our online forums. We are here listening to you.
