Loss of a pet

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a pet animal.

For many, the loss of a pet can mirror the grief experienced when we lose a family member. The bonds we make with animals can provide us with joy, pleasure and companionship, and when they die, we can be left feeling deep sadness, isolation and loneliness.

People around us may not associate grief and loss with the passing of a pet and assume you won’t be affected or at least, not for long. This can result in feelings of hurt, anger and resentment and sometimes leads to withdrawal.

This forum is a space to freely reminisce about your pet, share your feelings of grief, discuss its effects on your relationships, and share coping strategies that have helped.

Topic

[jason44]

Losing a pet is heartbreaking—it’s like losing a piece of your soul. I remember when my dog passed, the silence was unbearable. But seeing German Shepherd Puppies later reminded me that love and companionship continue. The pain never fully fades, but new memories help heal, even if the loss remains.

[abc01]

Dear @carysporter,

I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Felix. I too lost my cat in May this year. He was attacked by my neighbours dogs,who had dug under our fence. I found him but he had already passed. I too wasn’t home at the time and blame myself for what has happened,even though I wasn’t the one who let him outside that day and others were at home. We followed council laws to keep him in our property and he was never introduced to the front yard,only the back.He was only 3 1/2 years old. To me it was just another normal day and I had no way of knowing that this would happen. He grew up with our dogs and had no reason to fear others. I never fathomed that the threat would come from next door as for 2 years,we had been okay. And now, the world isn’t a safe place for me and my animals. I have never lost an animal to anything but old age related illnesses.

I am here. I feel your grief. I believe you and I would be feeling similar thoughts and feelings and will still be in shock from the trauma of what we both confronted on those days that our fur babies passed.

I have my dogs,but they are not him. I have been robbed of the rest of his life,but the most important, is that my cat,Major, has been robbed of his. I was so happy everyday, living in the moment with him. I felt every second of love and affection and he was the purest form of love I have ever felt in my whole life. And now, I am devastated, beyond devastated. My life has slammed to a holt and everyday is a type of torture.

I don’t know about you, but finding resources for unexpected deaths and animals who have been taken from us and at a young age are really hard to find. However at least we have found this outlet to talk and we should keep using it to talk. Sometimes only one sentence might get through to us, but it is one coping skill we have just gained.

Guilt is a massive cloud that looms over our heads. It Slips in every thought and action we do now they aren’t here with us. If gives us fear and panic, and ultimately self hate. But please remember one thing, You loved Felix more then anyone on this entire planet and would never do anything that would have caused him harm intentionally. You simply wouldn’t have done it,period. So blaming yourself for the day it happened and everything you should have done or could have done,isn’t healthy or right. It wasn’t your fault. Tormenting yourself isn’t okay. It sucks so much,that we have the knowledge now of that day and would give anything to change the outcome of it. But the torturous reality is that we can’t. We will carry it forever. However over time the specifics of that moment the world crashed down on us will start to become blurrier and we will remember only bits and pieces. My cat Lewis,passed at 14 1/2 in 2020, at the veterinary clinic due to heart failure and it was sudden. But I only now, remember him not doing great in my arms and then being given the needle and passing in my arms. I now don’t recall every single moment of it. It is still upsetting, but I am proud of myself for overcoming the overwhelming feelings I was having at that time and being the comfort, love and presence that HE needed in those moments. Hopefully one day, you may come to view it similarly. When you are ready.

Today is today. Take it as it comes. Try not to make any big decisions when you are still in shock and grief. Try not to look too far into the future. Express your emotions. Cry when you need to and don’t be ashamed or embarrassed by it. If you are in public,who cares? No one is walking in your shoes today. Don’t have any answers or direction? That is fine, neither do I. And most importantly, don’t let anyone undermine your grief. I raised my beautiful cat as if he is my child. I loved,nurtured and raised him from the second he came into my life and home. You did too. That isn’t something to easily “get over” or “move on”. It isn’t “replaceable” and I promise you, you will never forget them.

I too got my cat cremated and now he is in my room with me. His favourite place in our home. Sometimes I kiss it and it makes me feel better. Sometimes it makes me sad. But if I keep it clean and polished I feel a sense of respect towards him. I can keep him safe in my room,and it sometimes provides the “enduring connection” I have read up on. His photo is on my wall. I sometimes talk to it and kiss it too. But nothing stops me seeing him where he would be in my house, his favourite places. Nothing stops me from missing feeding him, changing the kitty litter and OUR routine together. These are called Secondary Losses. The things/daily routines we lose after the death of a loved one. And it is normal.

We only feel this grief at the level we do because we love them beyond compare. We love them today. That love can never stop or get lesser. Our fur babies are the best thing we will ever do in our entire lives. We give them a home, we give them unconditional love and we give them our hearts and souls. And they give them to us equally.

So please let Felix’s LIGHT, still be your LIGHT amongst this darkness that you feel. Lean into Felix’s love and the ways he has shaped you into the person you are today and continue to be because of him. Remember that your cat who is in your home is still there and needs your incredible love. They have lost their family member too.

But never forget your thoughts,feeling and emotions (one second to the next. And believe me, I know they cycle so fast from one to another in just seconds and can be exhausting) are 100% valid for you. Today, tomorrow, 4 months from now, 4 years from now.

Please reply back if you want to about anything. Otherwise please be kind to yourself and I am so sorry.
ABC01

[VM-Apples23]

Hi @carysporter

My condolences for your loss of Felix. It is totally natural to want your boy back, this comes from a place of love and dedication to our pets. I want to assure you this tragic accident was not your fault. You did the right thing by getting him medical attention as soon as you could. You displayed bravery in being there with him all the way. Loyal to eachother, always :))

Yearning for a pet to return is a confronting feeling, I am hoping that your home is a safe space generally. I’m also hoping that over time, the images you get in your head that evoke shock and grief now, are able to transform into something beautiful – in that you will keep his memory with you always.

Your grief is valid, and as valid as the loss of a person. The guilt and questioning you feel as a result of what’s occurred is natural, it goes to show how much you care. Again, what happened was not your fault, you are a great owner to Felix. Please be gracious with yourself at this time and reengage with Griefline. We hear you and are here for you.

Take care
– Apples.

[VM-Apples23]

Hi @rb64228

Thank you for sharing such a beautiful tale about your companion. How lovely it is to have grown up with her by your side. I think dogs have this amazing capacity to be there for us with unwavering support. It is so strong of your family to have made the tough decision to let her go. We always want our pets to have the best quality of life, so well done to you all.
Does your dad have more stories to tell of you and your pets time together? I think that could make for a nice way to keep her memory in your hearts, and to keep the connecting with her going.
I am sorry to hear that the timing probably wasn’t the best for you. How are you going now with uni?

In the initial shock of loss, it can be easy to overthink how you should cope, if there is a lesson to come from it etc. I’d encourage you to just allow yourself to grieve, and perhaps not so much think about questioning what your next step should be. There is no ‘correct’ way to grieve. Grief is a unique experience for every individual. Your grief is worthy. Your grief comes from a place of love. For your furry friend.
In my personal experience with pet loss, I found comfort in telling my boys story, either by verbal or creative means. I made a scrapbook for Max, and referred back to it whenever I wanted to be reminded of the warmth he brought to my life.
I hope you are coping okay. Please feel free to reengage with the forums, you could even send through a picture of her!
Take care and be gracious to yourself through this time

– Apples.

[carysporter]

I just lost my cat, Felix, who was only 1.5 years old. He died due to respiratory distress following a brown snake bite and I can’t help but blame myself. If I had been home that day I wouldn’t of let him outside, if I had noticed symptoms sooner maybe he would of had the strength to make it whilst the antivenin worked, maybe if I never said goodbye to him initially it wouldn’t of stressed him out that final bit for him to lose his strength to breathe. Everyone tells me it’s not my fault and I know I can’t change the past but I just can’t help but replay what happened and how he was in the emergency vet, the way he rested his head in my hand whilst holding onto it with his paws on the way to the vet, then the way he curled his paw around my hand despite being pronounced ‘brain-dead’ after his respiratory distress. I can’t help but see him everywhere and wish with all my heart he was still here in all the little spots he used to love. I’m getting him cremated but he won’t be home for another week, and we have another cat who’s been keeping me company but she’s not MINE, she’s not my baby who was big and fluffy and would come sit next to me. She helps me whilst simultaneously making me feel worse because everything she’s doing right now is what Felix would and should be doing and it just feels so wrong to not see him at the door when I come home, to not be woken up at 3am for food, to not see him in the corner with his legs in the air or feel him constantly touching me like he always would do. His little meow, his chatty behaviour, his soft fur, I just miss it all so much. And I know I’m rambling but I can’t help but feel like a part of me died when I had to let him go. His death never should of happened and was completely preventable if I was just a better owner. I haven’t been able to eat or do much aside from go to work and come back home. And I know it’s not healthy, but I just wish I had my baby boy with me.

[rb64228]

Hi,

My dog had just turned 11 when she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. One month later, we decided to put her down. I’m 18, and I got her when I was 8. I grew up with her, and have spent most of my life with her. She wasn’t just my best friend. She was my baby. Not like a mother-daughter type of thing. But she was my baby. We had such similar personalities and chaotic energies. She was like the perfect combination between my evil twin and therapy animal. Dogs can’t really smile, but I remember when I would come home from school and she would be waiting for me with a grin-like expression. My Dad told me that as he watched the two of us grow, we were like two peas in a pod. We were the only ones that made the other perk up in excitement when we saw each other. I watched her deteriorate for three months before my eyes. The last thing I wanted was for her to suffer so making the decision wasn’t that hard (not to sound heartless). I just knew it was for the best. Before her, I had never experienced grief before. I hadn’t lost any family that was particularly close to me. So this hit me like a ton of bricks. She passed the day before my first day of university. I found myself forcing myself not to enjoy uni. It didn’t feel fair for me to enjoy life or be happy without her, because if I was, it felt like I was dismissing her impact in my life. I can’t remember a time where she wasn’t in my life. So it felt like, if I could be happy without her, than I didn’t need her at all. But that couldn’t more wrong! I used to be a naturally outgoing and happy person, but I can definitely tell that I’m less of a happy person now. Not just because of the grief, but because her being in my life made me a happy person (that probably doesn’t make sense). But I still feel guilty. Like I shouldn’t be enjoying life without her. I haven’t told anyone outside my family about what’s happened because I can’t stand the saying “she’s in a better place”, or, “she’s looking down on you”, or, “she’s in heaven now” because I’m agnostic. I don’t believe in those sayings. I know exactly where she is. She’s where we buried her. But, at the same time, I kind of wish I believed in that. Because I feel like I don’t have any closure. There’s no silver lining or “lesson” from this experience.

I don’t know what to do or how I should feel.

• This reply was modified 12 months ago by rb64228.
• This reply was modified 12 months ago by rb64228.

[aprilandy]

It’s really hard to lose a pet.
I’m very sorry to hear that. Our family decided to put down our 12-year-old German Shepherd last March. He got bone cancer and other health problems. It is very sad but it’s time to accept the fact that this is it. He will leave us any moment.

I really miss him so bad. I knew he was in a good place now. RUN FREE BABY.

[timothy03]

Hi dear,

Thank you for your feedback. It’s been a week and a half since we lost our dog and the pain is slowly fading. I had to remind myself that we did what was best for her and she was completely at peace. Only we have to live with the pain of losing her.

I hope you and your family are okay. Time will heal all wounds and you will always carry with you the memory of your little girl and she will always be by your side watching over you.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by onlinecommunity.

[vmpercy]

Dear @angela27,

I’m deeply sorry to hear about your loss. It’s clear from your words how special Tofu was to you and the emptiness you feel now is a testament to the unique bond you two shared. The moments you’ve described, from Tofu waiting for you at the door to his morning greetings, they truly highlight how much he was a part of your daily life. What happened to you matters and your grief is significant.

Your courage to share your feelings with us shows your strength in this tough time. It also shows that you’re self-aware of your emotions, which is a very important part of navigating through grief. Remember, it’s okay to feel this pain and allow yourself to grieve. It’s a part of acknowledging your loss, and it’s crucial for healing.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Everyone here in the forum is here for you. You’ve shown incredible courage in reaching out and sharing your story. While we might not replace the physical presence of Tofu, we can be here to listen, to empathise, and to share. It’s often comforting to talk to those who’ve experienced similar losses. If there are friends or neighbours who knew Tofu, they could also be of support during this time. Stay strong, and take care of yourself. We are here for you. I’ve included a link to one of our articles on losing a pet that you might find helpful, and a link to our helpline service, which you may call if you’d ever like to talk about how you’re feeling:

Losing a Pet

Free telephone support

• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by onlinecommunity.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 8 months ago by onlinecommunity.

[angela27]

I lost my cat 30/06 and it has been horrible. My sweet boy Tofu died in my arms with several heart attacks as he had heart disease. I’m not close to my family so my pets are all the family I have. I have never experienced such grief and it has been triggering for me. Every time I come home, I expect to see him by the door because he always used to wait for me, and now there is an empty space. In the mornings he used to jump on my bed to say good morning, and he always used to watch me cook. There is none of that now.

[Author]

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