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Dear Holdinghope25
I am so sorry to hear about the multiple losses of your beloved dogs over the last five years, including your young girl who gave so much to you. It sounds like she helped keep you safe during tough times. Losing our pets can be heartbreaking, but I can’t imagine the pain of losing an assistance dog who not only was trained specifically to help you but was also a constant companion. Feeling anxious about the well-being of a new puppy would be natural, considering the multiple losses and the compounded grief you are dealing with. The love and care that you have given to your dogs, and now to your new puppy, are evident to see. Also, I can hear the strength you have in knowing what you need to keep yourself safe. The loss of a pet can be as significant as the loss of a human, yet this is not always recognised by society. The Griefline article ‘Losing A Pet’ has some information that you might find helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/. The Griefline Helpline is available on 1300 845 745, 8 am to 8 pm seven days a week (AEST), where you will be able to talk to someone about how you feel. Please keep reaching out on the forum as a part of your support network. We are here for you.
Hi all this is my first time posting here. I’ve had to put 4 dogs down in the past 5 years (2 in the same day) and it’s been really tough on me. My girl that I lost last year was actually my assistance dog and she was only 3 years old, that one has hit me the hardest. She was my support when things got really hard and I went through several suicide attempts but she was right by my side the whole time. She was trained to support me and interrupted destructive behaviours and supported me through panic attacks. I was lost without the company and support of a dog, I’ve recently got a new puppy but I’m struggling with the anxiety of something going wrong because of what happened to my last girl. Not sure how to move past this if it’s even possible. My heart is still truly broken from losing my other dogs and I miss them everyday.
Losing a sister and a close friend in such as short space of time is really difficult and as the other responders have mentioned, it takes courageous to reach out to others and acknowledge the challenge of facing this grief. From your message, you have shown awareness and understanding of unhelpful coping actions and behaviours, and while it may take some others longer to notice this, it’s something to be proud and is as a strength to recognise this and how it’s affecting you. I think it also means that there’s some desire or motivation to find other ways to cope, and reaching out services and other forms of support is a step towards this.
I hope you’ve been able to get in touch with some of the supports mentioned in the first response, or even having a chat to your GP is a great first step too. And if you haven’t had a chance yet, I hope you’re able to in time. Griefline volunteers are here for chat as well if you need on the Helpline number 1300 845 745, and the convenience of an anonymous call might seem easier in moments of grief and pain as well.
I just want to add how much my heart goes out to you, Xereus, and reiterate daffodil duck in saying you are not alone, everything you’re feeling is valid, and I’m so glad you have reached out. No one should go through what you are alone – and support is available.
With everything you’re experiencing, I can only begin to imagine your suffering right now, and the layers of pain would be huge to bear. It takes great courage to feel those feelings, and to seek help. These are both such important steps to help you navigate and gradually grow around your grief, finding a way go (and grow) forward.
As daffodil duck said, Griefline is here for you, in the forum and on the phone. The other resources are great too, and you might also like to explore http://standbysupport.com.au/ which offers support specifically for people bereaved by suicide.
Thanks again for coming to the forum, Xereus. Please do keep in touch.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. This is a courageous step, and opening up about what is happening can be confronting and scary, but I’m glad you felt the need to reach out.
Firstly, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing two people who are very close to us a week apart is not something that is easy to carry. The added blame that the family is expressing is understandably making things feel heavier when all we need is support. I do want you to know that you are not alone in your grief. Experiencing similarities, more related to drugs and suicide, your feelings of grief are totally valid. I want to express that you have choices, you’re not alone, and we can provide support.
The pain is going to be there. After coming out of my negative coping patterns, I decided to sit in my grief, and try so hard not to blame myself for not calling, or rocking up at their house to see how they are. I felt I could have done so much more to help them, and it took me some time to get over it, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love him.
I had to reach out and ask for help, like you are doing now, that’s why reading your message is such a privilege. I felt isolated and alone, but I used resources just like you are doing now. It’s so courageous to step up and ask.
I want to leave some resources below, please use them, there is no shame, judgement, or guilt when using services that are there to help us.
Keep using this message board to reach out, call Griefline, or book a call back from our services online. We are here, and we want to sit with you in your grief and offer support.Griefline
1300 845 745Lifeline
13 11 14
http://www.lifeline.org.auSuicide call back service
1300 659 467
http://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.auBeyond Blue
1300 224 636
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/Drug and Alcohol Counselling
https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/
(refer to website, each state has a different number)I have recently lost my sister to an overdose and a week later a really close friend had overdosed as well, I am currently the centre of blame for my family with them telling me I didn’t do enough to help my sister and it is making me feel responsible for her passing and its not making the other passing i had experienced any easier, I am currently using really unhealthy coping mechenisims to get through this and it just hurts so much on a daily basis i feel like i can’t function or seeking validation from others just to stay numb to everything around \.
Dear Mini cooper, You are definitely worthy! I hope that in time you will know you are a good friend/partner.
I have also lost and been rejected by friends in the past. It helped me to remember and deepen connection with the friends who stuck by me in that awful time. Friendship loss is very real and you are hurting very deeply at the moment. You will heal over time.Where do they go? It is a question that has been asked many times over the ages. Here is a poem going all the way back to Norse mythology (800-1000 AD/CE).
The Rainbow Bridge (Inspired by a Norse Legend)
By the edge of a woods, at the foot of a hill,
Is a lush, green meadow where time stands still.
Where the friends of man and woman do run,
When their time on earth is over and done.For here, between this world and the next,
Is a place where each beloved creature finds rest.
On this golden land, they wait, and they play,
Till the Rainbow Bridge they cross over one day.No more do they suffer, in pain or in sadness,
For here they are whole, their lives filled with gladness.
Their limbs are restored, their health renewed,
Their bodies have healed, with strength imbued.They romp through the grass, without even a care,
Until one day they start, and sniff at the air.
All ears prick forward, eyes dart front and back,
Then all of a sudden, one breaks from the pack.For just at that instant, their eyes have met
Together again, both person and pet.
So they run to each other, these friends from long past,
The time of their parting is over at last.The sadness they felt while they were apart,
Has turned into joy once more in each heart.
They embrace with a love that will last forever,
And then, side-by-side, they cross over… together.You are further along your pregnancy journey since you first reached out to the forum for support, and while all trimesters are different and challenging in their own ways, I hope you’ve been able to connect with the pregnancy during your second trimester, while finding time to grieve your dad and support those around you. It sounds like you have been a pillar of strength that others may turn to for support, and I hope those in your support network have been able to so the same for you.
The first response provided some amazing resources for support, and I hope these have been helpful during this time. There are so many challenges we face as we move through pregnancy and beyond. Starting or expanding a family is just one of life’s big changes and transitions that we may go through, and coping with the death of a parent at the same time compounds both journeys.
I found the weekly check ins from COPE (Centre of Perinatal Excellence) via the emails (or app if you choose to download it), were a helpful reminder to check in with myself and they were a gentle support throughout my pregnancies. They also have counselling support if this is something you’d like to explore.
It’s human nature to want to take care of others around us, and it’s equally vital we take care of ourselves and those we are growing to come in to the world.
