Separation

[Leigh]

I have recently separated from my husband of 33 years. It was completely his decision to leave and came completely out of the blue. I’m so lost and lonely. I have very supportive friends and family who are fabulous at trying to help me stay busy. But it’s night times after everyone has gone home that I really struggle. I’m trying to live my life but I don’t know how to without him. I’m just so sad. Any tips or advice to get through this is welcomed. Thank you

Topic

[onlinecommunity]

Dear @Leigh, our hearts are with you at this very distressing time. We are so glad you have reached out to us here on the forums to share your experience. There are many others in the community who will have an understanding of what you’re going through right now.

You mention you don’t know how to live your life without your husband and this is something many people experience as a result of sudden separation. Our article on Relationship Loss on the Resource Hub puts it this way “many people feel like they are thrown into unchartered waters. They are forced to navigate many disruptions to the rhythms of their previous life.” You might like to read the rest of the article here.

It sounds like you have lots of good people around you who care and are keen to help. A strong support network such as this is so valuable and is also a testament to your character. When we go through a relationship breakdown we sometimes lose sight of our unique inner strengths. Yet the loyalty of your friends and family shows us that you have many admirable character traits. Perhaps reminding yourself of these will help you to feel stronger and more able to navigate life without him. When you’re ready you might like to give the ‘find your inner strengths’ worksheet a go. Its simple yet effective, and you’ll find it here in our ‘In Search of Lost Strengths’ article.

In the meantime @Leigh we welcome you to keep reaching out to us here – we are here for you as you navigate this distressing time.🌸

[MAM]

I feel as you feel Leigh. “it’s night times after everyone has gone home that I really struggle”

[Leigh]

One of the hardest things is that my husband wants to remain as friends. I’m finding it very difficult to go from being his wife to his friend. We have two children, one 17yo son who still lives at home, so we still have a lot to discuss regarding him and therefore still speak regularly. I would rather have nothing to do with him so I can try to make sense of it and start to move on.

[vm_sapphire]

Hello Leigh,
Thank you for sharing your experience and how it made you feel. It was courageous to reach out and talk about the grief you felt. Strong emotions after a devastating loss are normal and while they usually lessen over time they may still pop up unexpectedly. It’s important that you know that we are still here, ready to listen if you need to talk or want to share how your year has been, here on the forum 24/7 and on the Griefline Helpline Monday to Friday, 8am to 8pm 1300 845 745.

[debbie]

I’m in the same boat with my ex husband – 3 months post separation, still living in the same house and he has already moved onto anew woman. I’m completely devastated. I lost my job as we had a business together. I lost my license prior to that due to a bad decision on my part. Now I feel like I have lost absolute everything and I have a special needs son and our daughter together so I’m just trying to hold myself together but feel so broken and lost.

[VM-Skye]

Hi Debbie, I’m sorry to hear that you are dealing with so many losses and changes in your life. Sounds like they are all piled on top of each other and I imagine caring for your son and daughter in the middle of all that would be so hard. I hope you have some people in your life to help you with the practical and emotional issues that you are faced with.
I would encourage you to give Griefline on 1300 845 745 or book a call on the weekend so that we can listen and support you as you try to find your way through. Sometimes just having someone hearing you can relieve the pressure just a bit.

[yessie]

Hi, today I found that my husband is seeing another woman. We were talking separation, and we were amicable but his betrayal let me feeling confused and sad. I have been married for 15 years, and I had so many plans. Now I have to forget ally dreams and start from scratch. I am feeling this is so unfair, as I have to deal with the pain of separation and he just goes to be happy with another woman.

[VM-Pheonix24]

Hi Yessie,

Thank you for sharing your situation, after experiencing a strong emotional as betrayal it’s common to feel disoriented and to have conflicting feelings. These intense emotions will fade with time, however it is essential to know that the betrayal is not a reflection of who you are as a person, and that it is completely okay to take you time moving forward. I would encourage you to give Griefline a call on 1300 845 745 whenever you can, we are here ready to listen and to support you in this journey of yours.

[Author]

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