Sense of Panic

[csb72]

Hello, A week ago I lost my boy, Malcolm. A Labradane. We are a family of four with two teen/twenties children. Malcolm, truly, however was my dog. From the minute we adopted him he was attached to me. He followed me everywhere. He was full of love and was such a happy dog. Malcolm gave unconditional love in spades. For me, it was incredibly healing as my background is one with a lot of trauma. My upbringing was one of being surrounded by people who could not love, certainly not give unconditional love. Malcolm was my touchstone, he grounded me, gave love when I was down and in all honesty I believe he saved my life several times. There is a lot of stress in our family life as well as my two children have disabilities. So I now feel really out at sea without that comfort, that companionship. One of the toughest emotions I am feeling right now is one of panic. I expected the sadness but the panic has been tough. It comes in waves, it is a sense of complete panic that he is gone and I want him back. Feeling helpless. Trying to go on as I have to for my family with the day to day but so often I end up in my room in tears desperately yearning for my boy to be here still. I am just hoping this extreme feeling lessens in time.

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[VM-rose]

Hello @csb72, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Your beautiful boy Malcolm sounds like he was the perfect companion. I just wanted to say how brave it is of you to have shared your experience here on the Griefline forum. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you to be going through this right now, especially when there is a lot of stress in your family, as well as caring for two children with disabilities. I also want to let you know that grief is a personal and unique experience for every individual and your feelings are completely natural. You sound like an incredibly strong person, given your background of trauma and dealing with a lot of hardship in life. Maybe you could continue your relationship with your beloved Malcolm by speaking to him and writing down your thoughts. It’s also important to engage in self-care practices and treat yourself with compassion. Engaging with a support network is also a very important aspect of the grieving process. You can call Griefline on 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am and 8pm, 7 days a week. You can also request a callback at a time that suits you. There are also some great insights and coping strategies in our article ‘Losing a Pet’ here: https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet. Continue to keep in touch through this online forum and take care of yourself. We are here to listen and support you.

[csb72]

Thank you so much for your reply. It helps to not feel so alone with this. Lately I have started talking to him, when I am alone and at my worst of missing him. I think it might help a bit. I am thankful to have found this site for resources. Thanks very much.

[VM-rose]

Hello @csb72, you’re very welcome. I’m so glad to hear that you’ve started talking to your beautiful Malcolm and that you feel as though it’s helping a little bit. I acknowledge your feelings of sadness, panic and helplessness. I want to let you know that these are completely natural feelings that come with the grieving process. Try to be kind yourself during this incredibly difficult time and practise self-care. Thank you and take care.

[VM-Apples23]

Hi @csb72
Thank you so much for sharing a piece of your heart with us through the story of your boy Malcolm. You are so right to say that dogs truly have this amazing ability to love unconditionally. It is lovely to see you are keeping him in your memory by speaking to him – it can be immensely rewarding to memorialize our pets. Perhaps to extend on your healing journey, and commemorate his memory further you could write to him. If you enjoy the company of animals generally, you could even offer to walk a neighbour or friends dog. Malcolm would be so proud to know that you are looking after furry friends even after his passing.

At this tough time be kind to yourself and remember that your grief is no lesser than grieving a human. Many emotions including panic will come and go as you navigate through the shock of loss. Take time to engage in self-care. All the best in the coming weeks and months, and please feel free to call our Helpline should you ever feel like having a supportive chat.

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