Relationship break up

[Finster88]

I’ve recently just gone through a break up – my ex partner of 8 years (recent husband) broke up with me about six weeks ago. I’m completely devastated.

Feeling a loss of self worth and finding I’m feeling incredibly unlovable, particularly as people aren’t reaching out to me.

Finding it hard as he was any best friend, my person to go to all the time and my person to rely on so it’s hard now navigating what to do.

Topic

[Leigh]

I completely understand your pain. My husband of 33 years left me 3 months ago. I still feel as though I don’t want to live without him. He was my whole world. I hope that it starts to get easier soon. People give advice like ‘do things you enjoy’ but my whole life has fallen apart and I don’t ‘enjoy’ anything. I just keep going back to the fact that he’s no longer part of my future.

[Leigh]

My best advice is try to keep yourself busy. That’s when I can finally get it out of my mind and give my brain and heart a break for awhile.

[Finster88]

Thanks Leigh for replying.

I’ve actually been actively doing things and meeting new people – have found two new friends who know the situation and have been incredibly supportive as they went through the same instance.
I’m enjoying doing things for me and I’m so optimistic that I will find my person.

Have you tried seeing a counsellor?

[sue]

It is incredibly hard. It is a real battle to stay ‘positive’. I have just gone through a break up after 26 years of marriage to a narcissist. I definitely have my ups and downs. Being older makes me think I will be alone for the rest of my life and that is a very scary thought but then I realise that I have already been alone for a long time because he was not emotionally present for ages. I am not sure what the answer is here?

[vm-reachingout]

@sue – I too am going through a marriage separation after 25 years together…and from a narcissist. I find I have good days and bad. Some days I feel like I’m flying because the weight is off my shoulder…I’m free of his bullying and belittling. But then other days I feel like I’m walking through mud – everything feels like an effort. I never know what each day is going to be like for me but the financial side of things really gets me down.

Being lonely is not something new to me either – we never did anything positive together anyway. However I am reaching out to my friends and family and being totally vulnerable. I have found their support has been incredible – I never realised how loved/cared for I am. I continue to reach out and not hold back on my ups and downs. Sharing the burden with them helps me so much.

These are the words of one of my cousins (someone I have not been all that close with but who can empathise, and cares)…

“The one thing I can say is you get through the tough times no matter how scary it can feel & then slowly things change for the better. Stay strong and grow from it, you will look back in time & be so proud of yourself ❤️”.

Wise words xx

[debritol15]

Breaking up is always sad

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by debritol15.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by debritol15.

[pokitren]

Why is it always sad to break up? It is sad only in the case of love. And if there was no love, parting is happiness. After all, what’s the point of a relationship without love? 😉
And if there was love, then fight for it!

• This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by pokitren.

[VM-Sunflower22]

Dear @finster88,

I was sad to read about your 8 year relationship ending. Although it is great that you have started to meet new people and make new friendships, despite at first feeling unlovable and a loss of self-worth. Eight years is a long time to love someone so it makes sense that it takes time to move on from that. I feel that despite the breakdown of a relationship, there is always something positive to take away from it. Perhaps you have found an inner strength inside you that you didn’t know you had, or that you find yourself in a more positive headspace about your ability to cope than you could have imagined.

You have shown great resilience and strength by putting yourself out there to make new connections/friendships in your life. This is not easy for many of us. You mentioned you have enjoyed doing things for yourself, this will all help to re-build your self-worth and I am proud of you for investing in yourself. There is no bigger investment in our lives.

How have things been going for you since you last wrote? Of course it is normal to have ups and downs along the way but I am hopeful things have stayed positive for you. May your restored hope and optimism lead you to find your person (as you said), but most of all, may it lead you to finding the best version of yourself in the process.

Please remember you can always reconnect with us here on the online forums, where you have a supportive community to share your grief with. If you are wanting further information about recovering after separation, I have attached a link to Relationships Australia. I hope you find it useful. Take Care!

Recovering after separating from your partner

[VMsunflower]

Hi Sue,
Breakups are incredibly hard at any age and the feelings of loss and rejection difficult to work through. The loneliness can be overwhelming and scary at times, but be encouraged, I too experienced a breakdown of marriage late in life, but have met someone and we have been married for several years. I also have a close family member who has just remarried at the age of 70. Live with hope in your future. Be kind to yourself, sending love and support.

[Author]

Replies