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Home » Topics » Loss of a loved one » Preparing my self to the passing of my Grandma

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  • #16355
    Essie
    Participant

    I usually don’t like to talk about my feelings but I need any support I can, all these reading are so touching & I feel for every person.

    I just want to get this of my chest, I have never experienced a loss in my life that I’m so close too & I don’t know what to expect or how I will cope, 3 weeks ago I had the bad news that my grandma won’t be with us for much longer, she has dementia & a weak heart.

    Her pace maker for her has stop working & they won’t be able to replace it due to dementia & age. She is at home & it’s always been a fear of losing her for years. It’s my reality now..

    I was always so close to her from a young age & lived with her my whole life. She’s is getting weaker day by day & I don’t know how to handle it & prepare myself. Till this day she calls out my name & with dementia she had always remembered me & ask that I’m ok – when my beautiful grandmother still worry about me till this day. My heart is breaking and I feel like my mental health is horrible. I cry every night & have night terrors with the worst panic & anxiety.

    I suffer from anxiety and depression before all this, and I’m scared ill lose my sanity she is my everything.

    I do what I can but its extremely hard, I’m lost in what to do. I’m crushed & I’m afraid for what is ahead.

    How will I cope I’m broken.

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  • #16387
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Essie, our hearts are with you for the loss of your beautiful grandmother. We are so glad that you were able to be with her and surrounded by loved ones as she passed.

    It’s understandable that you feel numb right now – we often feel this way for the first days, weeks, even months. This is your own unique grief response and there is no right or wrong way to adjust to your loss. But it’s so heart-warming to hear of the immense gratitude you have for the time you had with your grandmother. It speaks volumes of your very special bond and will serve you well as a valuable coping tool if things get overwhelming.

    Spending time with family then time alone is also a very helpful coping strategy. So too is focusing on the good memories you have…these are what formed your special bond and nothing can ever take them from you. We’re glad that you are able to practice such good self-care @Essie.

    And helping your grandfather to share the burden of grief is a beautiful way to honour your grandmother. Remember to be kind and caring to yourself too – no one would expect you to be strong every day. Reach out to us here anytime you need – we are here for you.🌸

    #16364
    Essie
    Participant

    Thank you, both for your support it means alot to me, I took some advice and tried rescue remedy to help ease the anxiety at night thank you @sam..
    My beloved Grandmother passed away yesterday surrounded by all her loved ones – I’m greatfull she was a part of my life & still is forever.
    At the moment I’m still processing everything, it doesn’t feel real.
    My reaction was far from what I expected.. I feel numb & cry time to time. I stay around loved ones but also give myself time to be alone & talk to her in spirt.
    I know I will need further support during these next weeks & I’ll try the resource hub recommended..
    I may try speaking to a therapist as I am quite stubborn when facing my emotions. I will concentrate on the good memories I had with her & I will never forget her!

    Now I need to be strong I know my Grandmother would want me too and also need to be thankful I have my grandfather still around helping eachother grieve his loss too, together.

    Thank you again.
    Xoxo

    #16362
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Essie, welcome to the forums. Our hearts go out to you as you face the loss of your beloved grandma. Thank you for sharing your experience here – it takes a lot of courage – especially when you don’t usually talk about your feelings. And we’re so grateful to @Sam for offering their words of support and ideas for coping too.

    In your post, you expressed concerns for your mental health and mentioned that you have feared losing your grandma for years, which suggests you have been experiencing ‘anticipatory loss’ for some time. This type of loss brings all the same feelings and thoughts as after-death grief but can be worsened by anxiety caused by living day to day with the looming death. this situation might be contributing to you feeling ‘afraid and broken’.

    You mention that you cry every night. While we understand that excessive crying can be confronting and exhausting, it can also be therapeutic as a way of consoling ourselves. At Griefline we call crying a ‘self-embrace when there are no words to express the pain’. Crying is also a stress release which is something you are in need of at the moment. So be kind and gentle to yourself and let the tears flow.

    When we face losing a loved one we lose a sense of stability, especially when they’ve been there for us our whole lives – like your Grandma. We are suddenly faced with the unpredictability of life and our lack of control over it and can become excessively fearful and anxious (particularly if we’ve suffered from anxiety previously). Please know that anxiety in grief is normal. The impending loss of a loved one causes an overwhelming mix of thoughts and feelings – we switch from focusing on a future without them to the past with them in it. But by allowing yourself to be present and sit with your experience while accepting anxiety as a normal grief response, the anxiety will loosen its grip on you. Practicing self-care will also help – so continue to express your fears to others (just as you have done here on the forums) – you don’t have to shoulder this burden all on your own.

    It might also be helpful to practice mindfulness…have you tried the ‘Reflecting On Positive Experiences’ recording here on our resource hub? This can help to relax you and also takes your mind to a more peaceful place – even for a short while. It could bring you some moments of relief which we feel sure your loving grandma would want for you.


    @Essie
    , we hope this information and the coping strategies are helpful. And we hope that you will post again to let us know what’s happening for you. We are here for you. 🌸

    #16356
    Sam
    Participant

    Firstly, I’m sorry to hear you are in the process of saying goodbye to a close loved one. There are some natural remedies to help you cope with the stress & anxiety that unfortunately comes with losing a loved one, such as; melatonin,rescue remedy,& a few others you can pick up at your local pharmacy without a prescription. As for preparing for this, you really cannot prepare, what is helping me is to have moments of remembering how amazing they are & living my life the best I can now they’re gone, & finding my why,I have a beautiful son, & great friends to remember & support me, even when I break down, which I have come to terms with as being part of grieving. You can do this, it will be extremely hard, but if I can get through each day without my mum & sister you will be able to get through your beautiful grandma too xo

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