Hi @Bexzie1085, thanks so much for your post. I just want to say how sorry I am for the loss of your best friend, your dad. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling, what a huge heavy loss to carry. Not having answers to questions must be so difficult, do you find yourself thinking about this a lot? Do you have a good relationship with any friends or family or even your GP?
How are you supporting yourself when you do have nightmares or flashbacks? Sometimes our brain likes to remind us (often at the most inconvenient times) that we need to process the shock of losing someone irreplaceable like your dad, and that’s why it pops those thoughts into our head (flashbacks) or when we are sleeping (nightmares). These can be quite uncomfortable, maybe even frightening. When this happens, it’s good to practice a mantra like “I’m okay, I’m safe, this is just a thought/dream, I acknowledge that I’m feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable right now, but I will just take some deep breaths and stay in control”. The more we practice our breathing/rational thought process when we do have unprovoked thoughts pop in, the quicker we are to respond when it happens again. You may not be very good at it at the beginning, but stick at it 🙂 After we regain control, it may be helpful to do another check in to see how you felt physically when the thought happened and how you’re feeling now – hopefully you will notice an improvement.
Grief is very much individual – no one can tell you where you “should” be at whatever point in the grief journey by now – that’s up to you to decide. Can I suggest a self check in – do you feel you have the capacity to give your energy to other people when holding onto the grief yourself? If the answer is no, then that is perfectly fine also. If you feel that Mum or anyone doesn’t have anyone to support them but you, there is always professional mental health people ready to help as they are trained in what to do in these situations.
There’s no right or wrong thing to do when we have experienced such a loss like this. Often we don’t know what to do and that’s perfectly okay. Sometimes we do have to take it day by day, sometimes hour by hour. Can I suggest you think of your support network and make a list of people and resources you can check in with when you do want to talk.
I have also done a bit of a check of resources that Griefline have done an amazing job of putting together and you may find these helpful:
Mindfulness for Grief
Experiences of Grief
Coping with Grief
Please do reach out if you’d like to continue the chat – we’re always here to listen and hold space for you while you move through your grief journey.