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Home » Topics » Loss of a loved one » Loss of my Daughter,Can't stop crying, swirling towards dark tunnel.
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  • #14641
    Dreamweaver67
    Participant

    Hi to anyone reading this,My beautiful daughter passed away in 2019 the day before my son’s 10th Birthday. I was having a little sleep in that Sunday morning, when my hubby came in to wake me up crying and screaming and fell to his knees beside the bed, saying I don’t know how to tell you this,I said tell me what? Kellie has passed away he had to tell me a couple of times for it to sink in, then the HOW ,WHAT,WHEN came into play and the crying of me saying no no no no no for two days over and over again, i was in disbelief I was in shock i couldn’t process what I’ve just been told.Then your mind shifts into omg I’ve now have to organise a funeral never in my life did I ever think I was going to Cremate one of my children, it’s not meant to be that way.My daughters death was under investigation for nearly 12 months ,the coroner had her body at the morgue for almost two weeks.I wasn’t aloud to see her at all because I wasn’t the next of kin, which for me really sucked I was so angry and upset when it came to certain things that I didn’t have the right because her boyfriend was her next of kin I think this needs to change its not right I’m her mother.The last time I seen her was a week earlier but spoke to her a couple of days before to tell her about her brothers birthday he was having a go carting party to see if she wanted to come, she said yeah mum I’ll try see him Saturday or Sunday well of course she didn’t make it.Well since then my life has changed forever half my heart died with her that day it will never be whole again it aches everyday I can’t switch my brain off I can’t sleep i cry all the time cry a lot in the car I’m severely depressed Ive been seeing my psychiatrist since then don’t know wether his really doing anything except play around with my medications.I really would like to join some sort of group with people in the same situation but there doesn’t seem to be many around for some reason . Ive had a few other things going on since then as well we lost 5 friends after my daughter with a couple killing them selves. My family pet had a tumour and died we got robbed NYE and some of the stuff they took was from my daughter or was hers it absolutely gutted me.I could go on and on but I don’t want to bore you and I’m tired now I suppose I just wanted to vent a little bit.I’m open for any advice thanks for taking the time to read my little story..

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  • #14818
    gemgem
    Participant

    Hello Dreamweaver67. I felt compelled to write to you. Grief can turn into quite a soul searching journey asking the questions that never seem to have an answer, the injustice of it all, requiring a comprehension we just can’t fathom. There are many books on grief, death, passing of loved ones. There is also the subject of Metaphysics with the belief of we are souls having a human experience, we are consciousness and continue to exist after we leave the human body.
    Have you ever watched YouTube videos of those psychic mediums Matt Fraser and the Long Island Medium? I watch them and I actually find great comfort in them as they show us our loved ones see and hear everything we do and of course, they do not want us to suffer. There is comfort knowing they are safe and although we may not be able to physically see or hear them or have a conversation, they are always with us. I also watch a lot of Near Death Experiences on there, they too are great comforters.
    Please give yourself permission to feel joy again. Sit quietly in the love you have for your daughter – not the loss, not what happened, not that her life was cut short, but the pure love in your heart, what a feeling right? imagine that love running through every part of your body, imagine it soothing you as it does. Imagine filling your home with that energy of love. I believe with grief, it’s all about ‘soothing the soul’ anything that feels good to your soul and is not detrimental to your health of course.
    Doing stretches or taking up Yoga can release tension in the body. Taking meditation classes. Have you heard of Tapping as a healing modality? There are so many healing modalities! you just have to find what sings to your soul. Have you heard of the Camino Trail? (okay maybe now is not the time with Covid but for future reference).
    I believe that when you feel ready to ‘sooth your soul’ (I don’t want to use the word ‘heal’ because do you ever heal? I think it’s more about soothing the pain), you will begin a spiritual journey and maybe you have already begun as you wrote on here. I think though the biggest take from all of this is that she is always in your heart, she isn’t going anywhere, you can talk to her whenever you want, you are allowed to live, to experience, to feel joy.
    I don’t expect any of my suggestions to be acted upon and they may not be your cup of tea, but i do hope i have given you food for thought about some things you can look into that may help you, and they may lead to another modality.
    Your daughter may have left her physical body, but she is still with you. And yes, I have to say it, i know it’s a very common thing to say but it’s just so damn true – do you think she’d want you to live your life in such pain? If you had died instead would you want your family to suffer with overwhelming grief for the rest of their lives or would you want them to celebrate you? Think happy thoughts when they thought of you? To remember you but also to continue with their lives? There is no way she wants you to cry all day everyday, and you have a son? I bet he wants to see his mum rise up and feel good again.
    I really hope you find your way. I really hope you find some peace in your heart. I really hope you see better days. I wish you all the best. Take care.

    #14646
    onlinecommunity
    Keymaster

    Dear @Dreamweaver67, welcome to the online forums. Thank you for sharing your story with us – you are always welcome to vent here. Our hearts hurt for you on the loss of your beautiful daughter in such a sudden and unexpected way.

    It sounds like your grief is a whole-body experience – in your mind “I can’t switch my brain off” and your body “my heart died…it aches every day” and also your emotions “I am severely depressed”. It’s an awful lot of pain to withstand, and yet here you are getting through the days. Like others here on the forums, your strength is monumental.

    You’ve gone through so much since your daughter’s passing, which has likely compounded your grief. Including the passing of your family pet – which can be devastating in itself. Please feel free to share the things that have been going on for you – you will never ‘bore’ us. As a community, we want to acknowledge the losses and hardships that you have had to endure.

    You talk about crying in the car a lot. Sometimes we feel like no one understands, so we hide away and isolate but sharing our pain with others can be a really healing experience. No one should have to go through this on their own …so if you’d like some tips on ways to so ‘seek comfort and help from others’, please visit the Tips for Coping article here on our Resource Hub.

    We know that everyone’s grief journey is different but as you’ve asked for advice, we have some self-care strategies for you. Firstly, you’ve thought about joining a group which is an excellent idea. If you have been unsuccessful in finding one that suits, you are very welcome to email the online community co-ordinator and they will get in touch with you direct; onlinecommunity@griefline.org.au

    Have you tried journaling? or keeping a grief diary? It might sound tedious but once we start writing it’s amazing how the words just spill on to the page and how therapeutic the process can be. It can give us a better understanding of our grief and what makes it better or worse. Other creative outlets such as art, cooking, gardening and craft are also good ways to express our grief.

    Continuing the bonds with our loved one is also very therapeutic…you mentioned you lost some of your daughter’s things in the robbery which must have been distressing. But even a photo of her, something she wrote or made for you or a piece of her clothing can be that special item that keeps the connection between you strong. Many people set up a shrine of sorts in their home – somewhere they can go to whenever they need to think of her, talk to her and feel the everlasting bond between you.

    And finally, when your mind is in overdrive, mindfulness can slow things down for you so you might like to try the mindfulness recording here on the Resource Hub.


    @Dreamweaver67
    we hope you will keep in touch and let us know how you are going or reach out with questions. We are here for you. 🌸

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