Losing friends and what to do

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  • #16345

    Hi all
    I don’t post here that often but i am feeling I have no where else to turn to. I have always struggled with friendships all my life and I am finding now, I am struggling even more and it’s worrying me.
    My mother died earlier this year, Dad 17 years ago, have no brothers or sisters, grandparents are gone, no partner, no kids, I am nearly 40 years old. Along with losing my mother this year, I am losing friends. I discovered who were the lurkers, the ones that wanted to be there whenever something happened to feel to be apart of “the action”….And that limited me down to a very small handful of friends.

    I have grown up believing these things:
    Friendship is a two way street
    Not everyone agrees with you
    Friendship is give and take
    People change

    While I respect that and I admit I have changed and all, I am still trying to be the same person that I have always been, down to earth, being there for everyone as much as I can. The trouble I am having is that of the handful of friends I have left, only about 3 of them contact me reguarlarly while I am being the one to contact nearly everyone and I find it hard to have conversations.

    I have tried to be open with them about how I am feeling, what is happening with me (physically and mentally – both are not good at the moment, especially mentally), even writing a 5 page letter to them to try and get my point across, to try and get them to be with me before my Mum died. I just get ignored.

    What do I do? I don’t have any friends where I live as I was limited to outdoor things because of caring for my mother and because live in Victoria, with Covid. I already have anxieties on top of everything. I just don’t know what to do. I have bared my soul to the friends, as they say when you want to talk, talk, but I have to make the first move 99% of the time. Do I try and find new friends?

    Thank you


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  • #19392

    Hi @dpowell3840,

    I realise it’s been a few months now since you posted and I hope your situation has changed for the better in that time, even if only little bit by little bit, which can often be the case. Grief can be a long process too though so just wanted to reply to let you know that you are not alone, despite how it may feel sometimes. I hope when you didn’t get an answer here you reached out to the Griefline helpline or another helpline, or someone else in your life who has been helpful in the past. Keep on talking.

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