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I don’t post here that often but i am feeling I have no where else to turn to. I have always struggled with friendships all my life and I am finding now, I am struggling even more and it’s worrying me.
My mother died earlier this year, Dad 17 years ago, have no brothers or sisters, grandparents are gone, no partner, no kids, I am nearly 40 years old. Along with losing my mother this year, I am losing friends. I discovered who were the lurkers, the ones that wanted to be there whenever something happened to feel to be apart of “the action”….And that limited me down to a very small handful of friends.
I have grown up believing these things:
Friendship is a two way street
Not everyone agrees with you
Friendship is give and take
While I respect that and I admit I have changed and all, I am still trying to be the same person that I have always been, down to earth, being there for everyone as much as I can. The trouble I am having is that of the handful of friends I have left, only about 3 of them contact me reguarlarly while I am being the one to contact nearly everyone and I find it hard to have conversations.
I have tried to be open with them about how I am feeling, what is happening with me (physically and mentally – both are not good at the moment, especially mentally), even writing a 5 page letter to them to try and get my point across, to try and get them to be with me before my Mum died. I just get ignored.
What do I do? I don’t have any friends where I live as I was limited to outdoor things because of caring for my mother and because live in Victoria, with Covid. I already have anxieties on top of everything. I just don’t know what to do. I have bared my soul to the friends, as they say when you want to talk, talk, but I have to make the first move 99% of the time. Do I try and find new friends?
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