losing a pet

[suba]

My 13 year old beloved dog Jimmy died on December30 2020. He had heart murmur diagnosed 4 years ago, started medication Cardisure and Frusemide in 2019. Also medication for seizures Phenomav since 8years. He developed coughs 4,5 months ago and was put on nuelin tablets too. On that day after dinner around 5pm he started coughing but normally coughs stop after a while. But that day he coughed continuously and and when the cough stopped started panting. So we took him to the emergency hospital around 8.30pm. the vet immediately took him to the treatment room and gave him a needle on the report said mild sedation to calm him but he had seizure and his heart stopped then they performed CPR and he came back to live but was struggling to breath the vet said he needed oxygen but to give the mask need to sedate him again but there was a risk he might get heart attack again and die. But tried putting him in an oxygen box first but he was suffocating in that box. When the vet gave a second needle to sedate him his heart stopped and couldn’t revive him. My precious boy died on the table. It has been more than a month and I am still grieving with guilt with so many unanswered questions. Like if I had taken him immediately to the regular vet would he have survived? The emergency vet did everything correct to save his life. That vet said he had Dyspnea. Please anyone a vet or someone who lost their pet under these circumstances reply. Still grieving with guilt.

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[onlinecommunity]

Hello @suba and welcome to the Griefline forums. We are so glad you have reached out to express your grief, confusion and to seek answers. The loss of a pet can be devastating, particularly when they have been in your life for 13 years. Your care and devotion for Jimmy shines through in your post – it’s clear that you did everything you could to keep your boy healthy – ongoing vet care, medication, and incredible attentiveness to his state of health.

Your feelings of guilt and your search for answers are very normal reactions to such a significant loss. The Bowlby & Parkes grief model (1970) suggests that we come out of an initial state of numbness and denial and move into a state of ‘yearning and protest’…where we may have a sense of guilt that we did not do enough to keep them alive and/or blame others for the death. When we’re in this phase we often experience grief in waves of crying, anxiety, irritability and lack of concentration. Does this sound true for you?

Whilst this stage of grief is very distressing, it might help to know that it will not last forever. According to this model of grief, we might transition into a period of low mood and despair to eventually reach a stage of re-organisation where we are able to move on and start looking to the future again. There are lots of tools to help you through this process. You might like to take a look at this article on our resource hub…Losing a Pet which has tips on how to cope & check out Tools for Rest and Relaxation page with its mindfulness exercises. These can be very soothing when things feel overwhelming.
A call-out to those in our online community to share your experience and understanding of losing a beloved pet…our collective experience can bring comfort to @suba …and all of us as we navigate this tricky terrain of grief and loss.

[Laralai]

We had to put down our Louie, cat, on Monday night. I’m feeling completely overwhelmed. He has been my constant companion ober 5 years of working from Home, particularly in the last year with COVID. I suffer from depression and anxiety and feel the Louie was often the only thing in my day that brought me some joy. During stressful periods, patting him, sitting with him etc all helped me to feel a little more stable and now without him I’m lost on how to cope. Everything seems more pointless without the purpose of looking after him. I start a new job on Monday and don’t know how to cope without him.

[Laralai]

I’m so sorry for your loss @suba – I can only say that I understand and empathise with how you are feeling. Have things felt a bit better a few weeks on?

[suba]

I am so sorry for your loss Laralai. I can talk or write for ever and ever to say how much I miss my Jimmy. There is a huge hole in my heart. House is so empty without his presence Only time can heal my pain. Please take care.

[onlinecommunity]

Hi @Laralai, a warm welcome to the Griefline forums. Our hearts go out to you for the loss of your dear Louie ❤️. Thank you for reaching out to @suba despite your own distress – we are so fortunate to have a caring community here on the forums.

The loss of a companion animal affects many of us with the same severity as the loss of a human loved one. So it’s understandable that your grief might feel overwhelming at times. It sounds like you had a beautiful bond with Louie. It’s a bond you can always treasure and it often helps the grieving process to continue these bonds. One of our community members mentioned how she kept her dog alive in her heart…she talked about him with others and wrote about him in a journal. She also put his collar beside some photos on her bedside table “just to feel a sense of honouring his passing each night”. This helped her process the loss gradually. Do you think something like this might help you through these early days?

You’ve got a lot on your plate at the moment so we hope you are getting support from others around you to manage your depression and anxiety.

Let us know how you’re going. We’re here for you. 🌸

[Author]

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