I lost my dog of 14 years

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    Last Tuesday (31/08/2021) I had to put down my dog of 14 years due to cancer. I miss him so much and I just don’t even know how to cope anymore… as much as it was beautiful to be there for him when he went, I will forever be traumatised by seeing his eyes go from full of life to empty as his body collapsed… how the hell do I keep going? Because I don’t know anymore.

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  • #16240

    Hi @Boeee302,

    Im so sorry for ur loss hun.
    I lost my beautiful girl, Rosie, in April, 5 days after my bday. She had just turned 14 in Feb. From the day I got her as an 8wk old pup, ive had that lingering thought in the back on my head that I will hav to say goodbye to her one day.
    All I wanted was for her to be happy and safe at home with her family wen she passed. But her heart stopped before i could even get back to the vet. I’ll never forget the moment she was wheeled into the room on a trolley. I think its the guilt that hurts the most. Because really, she did pass away in a ‘nice’ way, she wasnt in pain, she had lived a very happy spoilt life and she was loved by so many people. But i wasnt there. I didnt get to giv her a big cuddle before the vet gave her pain killers, which knocked her out.
    I spend a lot of time thinking about her every day. The only feel the guilt when i allow myself to now, though.
    I find wat helped me the most, was to constantly remind myself that Rosie was worth it. She was worth having to feel the excruciating pain of saying goodbye for now. She was worth it and more. When u realise that and believe it, it doesnt take away any pain, sadness, anxiety, BUT it does make u happy (in a way) that u are hurting. And its only a good thing that ur hurting so much at the loss of ur fur baby, cos it means u loved him so so much and u care so much about him. He obviously meant the world to u hun, so he was obviously loved.
    What also helped me, Rosie is buried in my backyard in her favourite spot and shes facing the table everyone sits at, so she doesnt miss out on anything. I bought a rose bush to put there and ive put out heaps of different pretty solar lights (i dont like the thought of her in the dark). It gives me a really pretty place to go ‘visit’ her when i feel like i need her.
    And photos!! It took me a while to be able to look at her pics, but wen i did omg lol, i laughed and cried so hard lol. But it feels amazing to be able to laugh.

    Its only bye for now hun, ur fur baby will be waiting for u on the other side. U’ll probably notice he gets impatient sometimes, cos u’ll eventually see something 😉 my partner and i saw her last week walk around my side of the bed. My dad saw her walk into the house a few weeks ago. And my mum hears her out at the table all the time 💞

    Jus remember, having him in ur life with all the happiness and joy he gav u, it was all worth it 💞

    Sending u strength, love and kindness xo


    Dear @Boeee302, welcome to the forums. Our hearts are with you ❤️. Losing a beloved companion after so many years must be incredibly difficult.

    It sounds like you are in acute grief right now, so the emotions might feel excruciating and the thoughts and images extremely hard to take. Though it might sound absurd – what you’re going through is your unique and natural grief response. It’s how your mind and body are adapting and coping with this loss. It may feel scary right now but hold on – things will shift and become more and more bearable.

    The best way to keep going is to reach out to other people for support so that you don’t feel alone in this experience. That’s why we’re so pleased you’ve posted on the forums. There will be others here who identify with your pain. It’s also very helpful to reach out to others close to you. Some will be good to talk with, while others can help you with practical things to help get you through this critical time.

    With regards to the traumatic memories and imagery in your mind, David Kessler – a recognised grief expert, suggests shifting your mind from overwhelming thoughts to sending love to your loved one. When you feel helpless you need to do something active. So continue to actively love him – close your eyes, think of him in a happy place and in your mind say to him “I’m sending you love. I’m surrounding you with love.” Repeat it until you feel a bit calmer.

    Griefline has more coping tools on our resource hub including this audio recording to help you reflect on positive experiences.

    , we hope this helps in some way. Please post again and tell us what’s happening for you. We are here for you. 🌸

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