i feel trapped in my negative emotions and hard to accept the break up.

[xinlicious]

me (33) and my ex(35) was in 1 year 2 months relationship. The last 2 months we are in a long distance because i moved to another city for my studying.

i dont know much about relationship skill since this is my first relationship. when we are in long distance, my condition was not really good. i have to adapt with the new environment and have to try live in big city. so i probably i become too needy and insecure.

i try to explain my condition to him, at that time i didnt think its a mistake because i just want to be honest with him about how i feel. i miss him and so happy to talk with him eventhough we just talk like 30 mnts per day.

however, probably because im silly, i felt he is so distance with me, and he is not really interested to talk with me. i asked him what we can do to fix it.

he changed a little bit but because im too frustated with the condition, one day we have a silly fight and i decided to break up with him because i feel he didnt care what i concern and unrespected. but i feel bad about my reaction so 4 days after, i apologized and we are agree to be back together.

One week after we are together, one day he told me he will go to the party. After that party he didnt contact me. so i decided to contact him. when i call him, he want to have a little break with me. he said i give him preasure and also im in different city. i apologized about how i made him feel and i ask for second chance, i promised him i will change, but he didnt want to. he told me i still can contact him eventhough we are not together but i told him i cant do that because i need to move on if he didnt want the relationship. so i said to him, its ok, i will accept your decision and i wish him all the best.

One week after the break up, i the instagram story of my mutual friend(that also in the party) that he is dating her. im not close with her but we know each other and we talked sometimes. One month after break up, my ex already post her photo on instagram and change his profile picture. two month after break up, he change his status to in a relationship.

i feel hurt because he moved on really quick and in social media he looks like he give everything that i complain before to the new girlfriend.

but at the same time, i also regret and cant stop blame myself why i made silly mistakes that pushed someone that i love. i also regret why i moved to different city, actually i can study in the same state, but i moved because i have better opportuniy in another state and i want to try.

it has been 3 months since the break up and i still feel sad. i never contacted him since break up. i uninstall my facebook and last week i realised he messaged me on face book to say i hope you are ok. i feel worse than before. i regret i reject his friendship offer, i regret i uninstall my facebook, i regret i made mistake and cant control my emotion. i regret my decision to move.

what should i do? sorry for the long story and my bad english.

Thank you.

Topic

[xinlicious]

i understand that people have right to date straight away after break up. He is a free person but i dont know why i feel hurt. i feel jealous and im angry with my friend but i dont have any reason to be angry with her.

i feel shame with myself because i cant move on and think about him everyday while he move on and never think about me. i feel shame because i hope their relationship dont work and i can get him back.

i feel really trapped on these emotions and i dont know what should i do. i havent had much friend in the new city and im so tired to wake up everyday and feeling miserable.

[vm_sapphire]

Dear @Xinlicious,

Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings, I’m sorry it has taken so long for you to get a reply to your post. How are you? It is a courageous thing to reach out and talk about difficult and painful experiences. The emotions you described (sadness, shame, anger) are normal and understandable. I too was in a long term, long distance relationship and totally unprepared for the end of that relationship. He had been my first “everything” (boyfriend) and I had shared my 20s with him – when he cut off all communication I was devastated. I couldn’t picture a future without him because I believed we would always be together. I share this with you to tell you that you are not alone in the feelings you have described or in the questions you are asking yourself. I also want to share that with time I came to accept the loss of that relationship and the grief that it had caused me with new understanding. It was so hard but finding support around me to help through that time really helped. I hope that since you last posted you have been able to find support and you are not so tired and sad. There are excellent resources on the Griefline Website which may help with ways to help you through this time. The Griefline Helpline is available Monday to Friday 8am to 8pm 1300 845 745 or you can book a call back from one of our trained volunteers if you need to speak to someone about how you’re feeling. I hope today is a good day for you – can you let us know how you are going?

[Author]

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