Grief Opened Up My Eyes to My Lack of Support System

[eilee]

I always had problems in my relationship with my now husband but losing my dad and his utter lack of empathy accompanied by his demand of my emotional support towards his unresolved issues really opened up my eyes.

I am so frustrated by my marriage and I’ve really been staring my husband down, just waiting until I can stabilize myself and get a divorce.

I don’t even want a better relationship, I really just want to get away from this man whom I’ve come to despise so much. I know the advise I would give to people in a situation such as my own would be to leave and save myself the stress and turmoil but I just wish I could stand firm with resolve instead of with the bit of uncertainty that I do have.

I think I’m not afraid to be parted from my husband. I’m just afraid of the unknown.

Topic

[VM-LAJE]

Dear Eilee

Thank you for sharing your story. I am sorry to hear about the passing of your dad.

I hear that you feel unsupported by your husband. It must be hard to go through this experience feeling alone in your grief. It is understandable that you are finding it hard to support your husband right now.

You are a strong person for taking time to heal and for prioritising your self care. I wonder if you are taking care of your basic needs, such as eating, sleeping and connecting with others. This link on the GriefLine site can help get you started https://griefline.org.au/resources/east-toolkit/.

These feelings of frustration, uncertainty and turmoil are a heavy burden to carry. Know that you do not have to make any quick decisions. It can feel like the ground has moved after such a big loss – it is OK to take some time to let things settle before you make any big decisions about your marriage.

You are brave for sharing your story. I know other community members will draw strength from your courage.

Please reach out to us by calling the hotline if you would like to chat. We are here for you.

VM-LAJE

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by VM-LAJE.

[VM-Mancha1]

Hello @eilee,

Thank you for sharing your story, I found it inspirational. With the right support behind us it can sometimes feel like we can conquer the world, without that support, especially from those closest to us like our partner, the unknown can feel mightily scary indeed. I think it’s something many of us have felt, and it’s certainly something I can empathise with from a past relationship. I think it’s perfectly reasonable for some (myself included) to allow fear of change to keep us in a place we know we shouldn’t be, and I commend you for your insight and strength in facing your feelings.

It’s been a few weeks since you wrote here, can I ask how things have been for you, since then? Have you managed to connect with others in the forum who might be experiencing similar situations or feelings?

Tell us how things are feeling this week, we’re here to listen and share.

[Author]

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