Reply To: I am broken

[debsayge]

Hello Gracie,
Just checking in on you, I also wanted to say your beautiful Shanti is often in my thoughts, as is my Sayge, and Jeremy (moon) Scout (grieving mum), and all other loving mothers who’ve felt this way…… I hope you don’t mind as I feel they must be all together as we are, like perhaps they are bringing us together, though it’s not comforting but is somehow…..
I wanted to acknowledge the amazing fortitude you show having moved and started a new life, I was thinking how somehow those early days we seem to move in a shock state perhaps, and now it’s all too real (I say everyday, this isn’t real, can’t be) and somehow with the shock a bit lifted (at times) the pain feels just impossible…..
I wake every morning in tears, I wonder and pray how to get through another !! Day….nights are hard to settle and am up at 2-3 eating and searching for podcasts on child loss, so many hurting mothers, it’s comforting to listen to their wisdom gained or their hurting after so many years, it’s honest…..I think somehow it’s us hurting mummas who will change the world, from our deep pain which will create a deep pool of compassion for all….
I don’t have anyone around my family and have found many people hardly there to begin with are not there at all, this has really crushed me ….. I’ve found this to be called a second grief, as it’s so shocking, it compounds our pain, bringing in more worthless feelings etc…..I keep holding on in the hope for something as I move more deeply within the hurt and longing I hope we here can keep on in hope, for more understanding and depth of our hurting hearts
It will take as Ling as it takes

Loving hugs for us all
Thinking of you
XxDeb (Sayge)