Reply To: Estranged Relationships

[bumblebee]

Hi,

I just found this site tonight and wanted to share my story.

I’ve been estranged from my parents for 7 years and I have flourished as a person, my mental health has never been better and I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

I can honestly say that I don’t want to reconcile with them as the trauma of childhood is far too great to overcome. You can forgive but you can’t forget.

My parents were young (mother 18 & father 21) when they had me. I have a younger sister who speaks to them, but keeps them at a distance for the sake of her children and her husband.

I was an abused child( mentally and physically) and the majority of my childhood memories are of a constant never ending fear and endless anxiety. I had to see a therapist to “fix” me which has helped. I battled drug addiction as a young adult as a result of the childhood trauma and I’m so thankful I’m 10 years clean.

My father would beat me until I had blood bruises or a bloodied nose. Wetting the bed was the worst, sometimes he’d lock me outside which used to scare me. I used to think it was normal for 6 year olds to be locked outside or locked in the bathroom at night when they wet the bed. He’d feel guilty and the next day would buy me chocolate & Coca Cola. He’d never apologise though. He was sadistic. I ended up in hospital once from a beating. He told the doctor I fell out of a tree my bike to explain my black eye and injuries. I had to wear a neck brace for a few weeks. I was 7. And that’s why I still have trauma today from his beatings but it’s much better than what it was. I don’t want to talk about the “other” abuses as it’s still triggering.

My mother is undiagnosed bi polar and she was just as crazy and still is. I’d plead to her for help but she never did anything. My mother left my father 3x times but she always took him back. She’d give me the silent treatment and ignore me for days at a time if she was angry with me. When I got older she wouldn’t speak to me for weekend at a time. She was estranged from my sister for 3 years as she didn’t like her husband. Her psychological abuse was on par with my fathers physical abuse. She sat me down at 12 years old and told me that if I ever came out gay, she’d commit suicide.

I severed ties with my parents 7 years ago for good. Before that we barely saw each other and it would be the occasional abusive phone call or text message from my mother or my dad asking for money.

My anxiety is back as my mother has reached out wanting to connect and I’m not having a bar of it. She’s still a narcissist and believes it isn’t her fault as she was a young mother. She won’t apologise and said I should apologise because I was an unruly child that needed discipline. My father knows our relationship can’t be mended and he’s left me alone.

I don’t want reconciliation, but my aunts are on my back saying I should forgive my parents and be the better person. I can forgive them but I don’t want them in my life. I’d love an apology but they don’t apologise. It is what it is.

This is my story.