Reply To: My sweet Sayge

[debsayge]

Dear Sunflower thank you for your kindness to us here, always grateful for some gentleness
And love to you today

My dear Moon, thank you for staying with me, means more than I can say honestly, for your kindness, encouragement, songs, sharing your brokenness helps me not to feel as hopeless as I do…..I am always struggling as the time (which I hate) stretches away from my Sayge it seems to break me more and more, I don’t know whether I feel better if I’m getting closer to being with Sayge ( as I always had a sort of knowing belief in these things but the horror of this has really smashed all my trusting), or with see that time is moving me further away. As I haven’t had any feelings Sayge is with me, and honestly I struggle with it, I mean not since the beginning where after only a few days saw her standing right in front of me looking shocked and said mummy!! One tear sliding down her beautiful face, I picked her up and she snuggled into my neck as we walked away down a path in a forest, I like to think that part of me resides with her wherever we went, and that visit!! Holds me that she’s somewhere beautiful…..
I also wonder if our children are together, it makes sense that if we’ve formed a bond so to have they, I hope Jezza loves animals cause Sayge will be surrounded by her little loves lost, especially her bunny hony , crookshanks her old ginger cat who left just prior and Lilly her baby alpaca whom she trained and adored along with many chickens, bunnies, Guinea’s, alpacas, etc, truely a nature child ….being spring now and her both coming up I am feeling pretty raw with the unbearable absence, the missing is truely hollow…..
Thanks for saying I’m brave but as you well know it didn’t feel that way, it feels desperately sad, and sooo lonely to have to put notes out to try and find someone to relate, I’m hoping something comes, nothing yet! I hope I can handle it as it feels so scary too….
Always thinking about you other people in pain, everywhere in this troubled world, and grieving mumma, and Moon, I hope I’m helping and not hurting you all more as this is my way to feel it all out….
My darling Sayge your eyes, your smiles, your gentle ways, your real loving hugs, your care and comfort, how darling do I get through another lonely day without you???
XxDeb