Reply To: My sweet Sayge

[debsayge]

Hi dear grieving people, and my friend Moon, I’m here too reading and thankyou for your words which reach deeply my heart,
I’m sorry it’s been ages as I’ve been having worries about how to respond actually, as I think I’ve noticed people don’t really talk much unless our posts are more positive and it makes me feel paranoid about not feeling that way, I hope that makes sense.
Is it still the same for you Moon, that you don’t have really anyone? You see for me Sayge’s passing has been so shocking, I mean she was so fine healthy happy joy filled , my best friend companion my world, then this damn thing struck and she’s gone in 13mths, after horrors seen of which I just will never make sense of.
Since she came into my arms we have never been apart, My son too, all our days were a swirl of love n light and joy and now all those memories just hurt so bad. I can’t look at photos and things she made me , oh so many, with anything but despair.
I am barely existing.
I think of your little darling Scout grieving mum, and she’s your sunshine.
I think of your humble beautiful boy Jeremy Moon.
My Sayge, my loving caring gentle girl.
And all that have gone before, and still to come and I go What!! This is all so wrong wrong wrong.
Our lives are torn and shredded now, just getting up in the morning feels like a betrayal to her, my hubby n Son understand me, but where are those that could be holding us, I just feel abandoned now, and betrayed my most, and wonder how it can ever be better from here…..I mean I’ve loved with complete abandon I suppose it’s normal (for me) to grieve this way too, and you know what, Sayge would understand, she’s exactly like her mumma, how can I remember that this Must be enough , and realise most non grieves just have never had this capacity to love so deep, otherwise there may be more understanding around us all….
Go ahead moon and write your posts a new, I’ll be reading, just wish I had more signs from my girl but sadly none, not even dreams, I just don’t understand anything anymore.
From my shattered heart to you all, deep love
XxDeb