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I lost my grandmother three weeks ago, which has impacted me profoundly. Growing up, my parents were quite dysfunctional and my grandmother stepped in and was essentially the parent figure that neither of my parents really were. Losing her has felt like losing a parent. I feel orphaned, in a sense; my parents have essentially cut off all our other relatives and I feel a deep sense of loneliness. In addition to losing her, I feel like I have lost a sense of home, a sense of roots, a sense of family.
Her health deterioration and hospitalisation were withheld from me by my parents–until three days before she passed. This resulted in me not having sufficient time to make it home and see her before she died, which felt cruel. She died while I was waiting in hotel quarantine for my PCR results to come through.Indirectly, my parents had denied me a chance to say goodbye to her one last time. I spent the rest of the 14 days in hotel quarantine waiting to be released in order to attend her funeral.
There are moments were the grief is extreme to the point of hyperventilation, but most of the time it is a heaviness and a sense of stinging pain that I carry with me at every moment. I’m not sure about where I’m at–I am functional most of the time, but feel disconnected to reality, numb, and empty inside.
- This reply was modified 1 year, 2 months ago by kimberleyday.