Loss of a Loved One

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  • This topic has 181 replies, 40 voices, and was last updated 1 week ago by vmsam.
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  • #13405

    Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

    Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

    Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

    This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

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  • #14618

    Pip, you can tell yourself positive messages. These can help to reframe events and situations. I tell myself that I am strong, that I am a survivor, that I can do it, that the sun will come up again tomorrow, whatever it takes to get me through that rough patch or bad day. It is too easy to beat yourself up, something that I catch myself out doing. So, being conscious of the negative thoughts and defeating them with positive replacements, which I say aloud and over again if needed, really helps me. I like to think that my mum is able to see or know what is happening and I find that both comforting and strengthening. I talk to her and my dad to acknowledge them and tell them that I miss them both. Though you have lost someone physically from your life, their love and connection with you remain, so hold on to that and treasure it. Hang in there and be true to yourself. There is no easy way to grieve.


    Hi its GFlintham thanks for the replies


    Hi its GFlintham thanks for the replies
    I just wish I could help more people because I’ve lived the depression.
    But I did not help my wife because she hid it so well.
    She is angel in sky looking down on us now.
    My aim is to stop others having to go threw what I did


    It will be 2mths tomorrow that my loved one of 41yrs passed away. I’ve had a sad day today … try & think of what might trigger it but I don’t think it’s a trigger Grief just changes all the time. I had a few busy days doing maintenance around the house but today I rested but I actually woke up sad ??? I think I can be better if I have things arranged to do but with feeling so changeable it’s confusing .
    Sending Love & Strength to All here xx


    Hello @Pip I so understand the ebbs and flow of feelings. It astounds me at how much it affects the body so much as well as the mind. There are many things I have yet to do since my sister died like look at photos, drawers that I know have things she gave me, songs that remind me of many things. Today I’m having a ‘good day’ strangely as yesterday was horrible with such deep sadness I just wanted to crawl into bed. I think accepting that constant change in mood is helpful although it is hard for those around you as they don’t know which version they are going to get every day.


    Thank you @GL Friend – I agree that even though it feels strange and awkward to cry and allow emotion to flow, it has to happen at some point so probably better to let it out when needed, like a valve.


    There is so much to be gained from talking and listening. I think there’s great value in taking time out and resting alone, but we are social creatures and we benefit from feeling connected- through activities, interests or experiences.


    Reading your experience SamWalks I can relate in part. While I’m lucky some of my family came together after my mum died, the funeral was during the circuit breaker lock down, and so family overseas and interstate (where most of our family is) couldn’t travel to Victoria and only a small number of people could be present. It was awful that so many people who love mum couldn’t be there – to say goodbye or support each other.

    I also relate to the surreal feeling. At the funeral I kept looking at the coffin and I couldn’t believe that my mum was inside. The thought was almost appalling.

    I’m also experiencing those overwhelming sad days and I had one today. I thought maybe I was doing better because I’d had a couple of days of feeling half alive, but then bam! Today I struggled to find the value in doing anything. Everything feels an effort and I’m just so tired. In a cruel twist, I also can’t fall asleep!

    I’m so sorry for your loss which is exacerbated by distance and COVID. I hope you find this discussion helpful. I have found it helpful in relating to the experiences of others and also learning from them. I think it’s comforting to know you’re not alone in your experience of grief, even if the people on here are‘virtual’.

    GL friend

    hi @SamWalks

    i am sorry for your loss. i relate to you when you say you feel you dont have a lot of support in Australia. i moved here several years ago and felt quite alone after the loss of my mum. she was overseas when she passed and my circumstances at the time did not enable me to travel to her. i traveled afterwards and it didnt help me feel any better. she was still gone.

    to me, you are so lucky that you got to watch the funeral on zoom and be present in that way.

    there are times i still break down at random moments but i like to think thats what my body needs and i allow it to happen.

    i hope my words have helped in some way. my heart goes out to you


    Good afternoon
    I have turned to this forum to try to find a way through the sadness and loss of interest in life that I am feeling since my sister D died on 12 October 2020. She was in England, where I am from, and died of breast cancer having been through awful treatment since January 2019. I went over twice in that time, and had booked to be in England for months in 2020 to be with her, and my mum who is 93 next week and alone in aged care. Then in March 2020, COVID hit, and my sister called to say the cancer was in her liver. I knew what that meant. I packed a bag as borders were closing, but it was too late. I couldn’t travel there without getting locked out of Australia (I would still be there now). D had to shield for months as she was having chemo, going to hospital on her own, with no visitors, no comfort. In July 2020 we had a conversation, that her life, was not a life anymore. The side effects of treatment were so terrible. She said she wanted to stop treatment, and I said I totally agreed. When she died, I couldn’t get to the funeral but watched via Zoom. It was beautiful and seeing the wicker coffin made it real. I broke at that moment. However it is still so surreal to me that she isn’t there – that I won’t see her again when I can eventually get over there. Our mum doesn’t know that D has died: it would be too traumatic for her and she has dementia so would most likely not remember, but suffer all the same. It is such a sad, sad situation and I am desperate to feel OK. Some day/s are OK and then suddenly I find myself crying in a shop, or just so, so tired. I think it will help to express how I feel as I don’t have a lot of support here in Australia.

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