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Reply To: Loss of a Loved One

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Keymaster

Dear @jbirdyyyy
Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your experience with us here. Our hearts go out to you for the multiple losses you have experienced in your life. There is a lot of trauma and grief in your story and we are sorry this happened to you. Your story speaks of so much love – the love your grandmother, Alexa and Jack gave to you and the love you returned. We feel sure you did everything you could for them. We also feel certain they would want you to live a full life that honours both yourself and them…

You wrote in a post that you dont know how you’ll move on without them so we want to share with you some guidance from Robert Neimeyer who is a renowned grief expert;

“How do we move forward in a life without them?

Ask yourself what might I do now that they would take pride in?

Sometimes the question of finding meaning in life is not answered with a single, grand answer; it comes in a hundred little instalments.

Ask yourself every day, “What is one small thing I can do today that would make them proud?” Then do that thing.

Perhaps it’s organising your study or wardrobe, planting a flower, venturing out of your home for a walk, lending a hand to a friend or neighbour…

Once you’ve achieved it reflect back on the progress you’re making and keep them updated too.”
Though they are no longer here in person, your connection with each of them will always remain. Coping with the loss of loved ones doesn’t mean you have to ‘accept’ the loss nor ‘move on’. Healthy grief involves developing a new, different and ongoing connection with that person.

By practicing ‘continuing bonds’ you can allow yourself to visualise, reminisce and daydream about your grandmother, Alexa and Jack. You might like to talk to them or write letters. Your grandmother helped you through a lot so when you are troubled or facing challenges perhaps think about what she would have done or even ask her …by taking on her perspective the answers might come to you.

It’s clear that you have come through some very difficult times in your life. You show incredible resilience to do this and a loving heart. Both of which are wonderful strengths. When we are grieving we often lose sight of our strengths but these are our superpowers for adapting to loss. So take a look at this article on our Resource Hub; ‘In Search of Lost Strengths’. It will help to illuminate more of your inner and outer strengths to get you through.

Grief Recovery Part 1: In Search of Lost Strengths



@jbirdyyyy
– we hope you find these resources helpful and comforting in some way. Please keep in touch and let us know how you are feeling. We are here for you. 🌸

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