Hi @Effie, welcome back 😌. Saturday sounded like a really tough day. To help your mum through the coughing attack would have been very triggering after what you went through when you were caring for your Dad. Reliving these painful times in our life can land us in a space of acute grief all over again and weaken our sense of hope for recovery after loss.
Your dedication to your ailing parents is really inspirational – especially when you feel like you have had to do the whole thing on your own. Maybe every now and again you could focus on giving yourself the same kind of care and compassion. Maybe step outside yourself for a moment and think what you would do for ‘Effie’ who is struggling so much. Does she need to go out for a walk/grab a coffee at a local cafe/relax and watch a favourite TV show/practice some mindfulness/listen to some uplifting music/write in a journal…whatever it is that gives you a break and makes you feel good. It might give you at least a half-hour in your day when things are not so bad. And if you can string together more of these moments in your days and weeks then life becomes more bearable with hope for a better future for yourself.
Keep in touch. We are here for you. 🌸