Lost my dad am at a loss at what is happening

[Effie]

Hi
I lost my dad 9 weeks ago
He died of aspiration pneumonia
But he had terminal kidney cancer.
I’m struggling with how I’m feeling.
I was his full time carer, I have a sister who doesn’t give a damn is treating my mum like crap. Have found out she is back stabbing me to strangers.
I lost my job I was full time with dad for 8 years while she was still living her life. Working etc.
All I wanted was to make sure dad was safe, not scared, loved and didn’t go to a nursing home. I achieved that and more. But my sister has really made me so upset I can’t function. She even went to the extent of letting her boyfreind come to dads funeral with a red flower shirt and red shoes. Wearing sunglasses in church and fondling with her the whole service plus giggling etc.
I feel he wanted focus on him. Well he succeeded instead of a funeral about dad. It was a funeral about him and his stupid antics.
This looser is a gold digger and he has caused so much upset to myself and my mum.
My dad did not deserve that. This looser never came to see dad once while he was ill.
I go visit dad at the cemetery everyday and cry everyday. I’m beside myself with grief. I want dad to come back.
I’m so upset I just told my sister never to speak to me again after finding out she has been back stabbing me for years. This was the final straw. I hate her for what she has done and what she is doing.
Mum is not well and I feel she will put her with dad sooner than expected.
I feel I do all the work and get abused and judged but I’m not doing anything wrong.
I just want to grieve the loss of dad not deal with this crap.
Am I over reacting. Am I wrong in feeling this way.

Topic

[Sarah]

Although it was harder than I thought to let my dad go through cancer, sharing how I did get through with others lets me remember how I found the strength and resilience to celebrate his life and cherish his memory, even through the sadness and loss.

[Effie]

Hi and Thanku
Ur amazing
I’m sorry but I just cannot move forward I’m really struggling. I can’t explain it.
But Thanku

[Effie]

Today my mum was struggling with a cough attack couldn’t breathe
I settled her down she over heated I felt like I saw my dad in her oh I freaked out. I’m feeling I’m going to go through the next stage in my life looking after mum. As my brother n sister have disappeared since dad passed away.
Have I just got sucker in my face or mud. Cos I’m really not seeing myself have a life at all. I’m seeing mum going and me not long after. My life was never my own.
I just want dad home with me.
Bad day.

[onlinecommunity]

Hi @Effie, welcome back 😌. Saturday sounded like a really tough day. To help your mum through the coughing attack would have been very triggering after what you went through when you were caring for your Dad. Reliving these painful times in our life can land us in a space of acute grief all over again and weaken our sense of hope for recovery after loss.

Your dedication to your ailing parents is really inspirational – especially when you feel like you have had to do the whole thing on your own. Maybe every now and again you could focus on giving yourself the same kind of care and compassion. Maybe step outside yourself for a moment and think what you would do for ‘Effie’ who is struggling so much. Does she need to go out for a walk/grab a coffee at a local cafe/relax and watch a favourite TV show/practice some mindfulness/listen to some uplifting music/write in a journal…whatever it is that gives you a break and makes you feel good. It might give you at least a half-hour in your day when things are not so bad. And if you can string together more of these moments in your days and weeks then life becomes more bearable with hope for a better future for yourself.

Keep in touch. We are here for you. 🌸

[Author]

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