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Hi @JanetGe, welcome to the Griefline forums community. We are sorry for the loss of your dear father and glad that you have reached out to express your sorrow. Telling your story of loss is so important to navigating the grief process. 🌹
We are here to support your emotional wellbeing, but you mention you feel like you are experiencing a complicated mental disorder. Have you had a chance to check in with your GP to ensure you also have the right support for your physical and mental wellbeing?
You speak of many painful feelings and thoughts…having regrets, feeling like life has no meaning, you’ll never be happy again, crying all the time. And while everyone’s experience of grief is unique to themselves, these are all grief reactions that we see often at Griefline. It’s sometimes comforting to know that this is a normal part of the grieving process and it is your mind and body’s way of helping you adapt to this changed reality.
We wanted to acknowledge what a traumatic experience it must have been to be isolated for 2 weeks as you awaited your father’s service. COVID has compounded people’s grief in so many ways. You showed immense strength to travel overseas and get through those 14 days in order to farewell your father with the love and respect he deserved. This is something above and beyond what most of us go through to honour our loved ones. We feel sure that your father was aware of your fierce love for him before he passed.
And it is this inner strength that you can draw on to get you through these dark days. Right now you are feeling hopeless and that life has no meaning. Perhaps you are asking too much of yourself? Remember that it’s OK to take time out. You are working hard every moment as you process your grief…sitting in those seemingly intolerable feelings and recognising them is grief work. And over time will help to reduce the intensity of these distressing thoughts and feelings.
It’s also important to take time out for your physical and mental wellbeing. How are you sleeping and eating? Are you able to take some exercise? These are all so important to your healing. It can also be very soothing to practice some mindfulness. You might like to try the ‘Focus on Positive Experience’ recording on the Griefline website. There are also many excellent tips on coping with grief that you can work through in your own time.
Please let us know how you are going. It’s such a hard journey but you are now part of a caring and supportive community who are here for you. 🌸