Estranged Relationships

Hi Anthony,

I think what you mother said is completely true. Sometimes people do things that affect us, but are not caused by anything we have done. And you may never know what it is that has prompted them to act in such a way.

Within our Grief and Loss resources hub, we have numerous articles which can be interesting and helpful. For example, the article ‘Grief Recovery Part 1: In search of lost strengths’ can be helpful in assisting us to tap into our personal strengths. This is the link for the article https://griefline.org.au/resources/grief-recovery-part-one/.

Also, please feel free to call our caring Helpline on 1300 845 745. We are available between 8am – 8pm (AEST), 7 days per week. And please continue to engage with our Online Forum, we are here listening to you.

I am not too sure if I am replying to a notification from anthonyh or not, but if this is correct I wish to thank you very much, I have been wondering about why no one replied to me, your observations of your parents were of great help to me. My son has a very responsible position in his chosen career, and he has always rung me every week, regardless we were very close, even as a young person through to now as a 55 year old. I had the responsibility of bringing up my children on my own from the ages of 12 and 10 years because of my husbands death, I am a Vietnam War Widow, so your RSL experience has brought up this background. It is a different experience from a death, which is final, this problem of not speaking is very foreign to me, both with my sons, or other family members. I cannot address anything with them both (eg: my daughter in law) because I have had the difficult problem of trying to explain, via emails, texts and phone calls, but have received no feedback from either my son or daughter in law, I have used my previous experience of sadness to help me, but this latest situation of my Grand daughter caught me off guard. I tried ringing and texting and finally sent a photo of my finished artwork which She has always been interested in, but nothing. I am beginning to wonder why have I done something so terribly wrong, except explain, and justify myself in an email that could cause this. She is a young 19 year old, very sweet and has an extremely close relationship with her mother and Grandmother (who lives next door). I have never brought any hate to my replies or talk to them, but I do express myself as I think I ought to simply because we are all different and I think I deserve some respect. I am now 85 years old. I have no way of knowing what has really been the problem, has it been just this one instance? or has there been many instances I am unaware of? I am lucky I have my other son as you said, but I don’t want to create too much division between brothers, so I have left off ringing him or texting for a while, because it might be difficult for him too. Like your Mother, I now don’t cry, but when I talk to my sister who lives near me I really find it hard not to. It is in my mind morning and night, and I use some methods like meditation to help me like I did before when my husband passed away. Thanks again for replying.

I am new here, and also new to the problem of my Adult Son, daughter in law, and now Grand daughter cutting off any sort of communication with me, this occurred in October 2024 and still no response from 4 different approaches to ask for a response that is personal. It is aggravated by the situation I have found myself in, which is renting a property owned by my son. He is in his mid 50’s so you can imagine how old I am. I have been renting for over 11 years, and have never defaulted or never let the place go downhill, and have emailed diligently regarding any issues with Body Corp etc. I have good neighbours and some other family members here who have been helpful in supporting me in a small way. My approach to date, has been to explain any issues which required action, and at the same time trying to ask for them to consider talking to me as their Mother and not as a tenant, which was the initial reaction, through an email from them. I hope someone can guide me on this difficult path I know find myself in, which is not easy considering my age. I cannot actually believe this is happening, I do have another son, who is very supportive, but who is in a different State. I have a few friends but not enough to let them know my problems or the weight that I am carrying. thankyou

Hi Eleanorr.

While every situation is different, I can sympathise with your situation.

The thing you said that is the hardest is “there is no end date. This could go on for years. I feel empty and so sad”.

I am tearing up reading that line. I have not heard from, or seen, my 18 and 16 year old daughters in 11 months after they were alienated from me by their mother.

Even if you have nothing to apologise or take responsibility for – you don’t get that opportunity to do so.

Every day is hard, some days are even harder, and other days just don’t seem worth it.

I have taken all the spare time that has been created to write my
Parents life story. Now that has come to an end I am at a loss like you.

As I have said to others, focus on being a stronger you – for your child, when they are ready. You don’t want to be a run down shadow of yourself when the time comes. You want to be ready on that day for them to realise what a good person you are that they have missed, not someone they don’t recognise.

I am not out of that tunnel yet, so that is all I can suggest while I am on a similar, yet different, journey to you.

Like me, pray that some day something will click with them and some sort of good normal returns.

Hi Tracy

I am sorry to hear of your situation. You may see previous posts of mine above, so I won’t rehash my situation.

Are your niece and nephew of an age where you can connect with them on social media. If so hopefully you have not been blocked from them or monitored by their parents.

Unfortunately the best way you can be the best for your niece and nephew is to focus on your health and fitness to be ready when the time comes. I said this to someone else in another post.

I beat myself up every day (sometimes every hour, sometimes a number of times an hour). There is nothing you can do to change them or their thoughts, you can only try to be in the best shape possible when they come. When you are focussed on your health and fitness, do it for you but for them too.

There is not much more I can say, being in a somewhat similar, but also very different situation. I am 4 years and 1 month into 95%+ isolation and 10 months into complete isolation. It is hell, it is not my choice, like you.

Just be ready
Anthony