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Q&A with Melissa King, Founder of Miscarriage Information Support Service Inc. (MISS)
With 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in miscarriage, this topic needs more open discussion. However, many parents find it difficult to talk about their loss due to lingering stigma and misconceptions. We explore these issues further with Melissa King, founder and president of Miscarriage Information Support Service Inc. (MISS).
Addressing the stigma of miscarriage and early pregnancy loss
Why does stigma persist around miscarriage and early pregnancy loss, and how can we break it?
Melissa King explains that the stigma surrounding miscarriage and early pregnancy loss is largely due to a lack of understanding within the community. Many do not see early pregnancy loss as a “real loss,” not recognising that it is the loss of someone’s future baby. This lack of understanding makes it difficult for those who haven’t experienced it to grasp the extent of the loss.
“Disenfranchised grief occurs when society does not acknowledge a loss as legitimate, which can prolong the grieving process,” Melissa states. “Without validation from others, including family, friends, and health professionals, the emotional pain can be exacerbated.”
Responses often lack compassion, unintentionally minimising the grief of the affected individuals. “Many people don’t know what to say or how to respond to early pregnancy loss, leading to comments like, ‘things happen for a reason’ or ‘you will fall pregnant again soon,’ rather than acknowledging the loss with phrases like, ‘I am sorry’ or ‘I am here for you.” Melissa explains. “These unsupportive responses can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.”
Melissa emphasises the importance of awareness campaigns to educate the community about the emotional impact of early pregnancy loss and how to respond compassionately. “Creating safe and supportive environments where people feel encouraged to talk about their experiences can help break the stigma. Sharing stories and support can inspire others to speak about their own experiences.”
Improving healthcare support for miscarriage and early pregnancy loss
How can the healthcare system better support parents who have experienced miscarriage or early pregnancy loss?
Melissa highlights several necessary changes within the healthcare system to better support those affected by early pregnancy loss. “Medical terminology can be confusing and sometimes makes individuals feel blamed for their loss. Terms like ‘incompetent cervix’ should be reconsidered, and medical professionals need to be aware of how difficult these terms can be to understand. Providing clear information about early pregnancy loss at all stages is crucial.”
“There is also a need for greater compassion and kindness from medical professionals when discussing early pregnancy loss,” Melissa notes. “Insensitive interactions can leave those experiencing loss feeling unsupported and dismissed at a vulnerable time.”
“Providing information and support resources in healthcare settings can ensure that those affected have access to the necessary services, programs, and information to help them through their grief,” Melissa adds.
Keeping the memory of loved ones alive
What are some ways to keep the memory of a lost baby alive, and why is it important?
MISS offers various resources to help individuals keep the memory of their baby close to their hearts. They provide free care packages throughout Australia, containing items like forget-me-not seeds to plant in memory of the baby, an infinity necklace to wear, a yellow ribbon, a journal and pen, and informational flyers with additional suggestions.
“Grieving the loss of a baby and speaking about it in supportive environments, whether with friends, family, or support groups, is vital,” says Melissa. “Doing something special on the baby’s due date or the anniversary of their loss can be meaningful.”
“MISS established National Miscarriage Awareness Day in 2019, held one week before Mother’s Day each year,” Melissa explains. “This day provides an opportunity for those who have experienced loss to remember their baby, wear a yellow ribbon pin, or participate in events.”
Additionally, International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day on October 15th is another significant day to remember lost babies. “Lighting a candle at 7 PM creates a wave of light around the world, with many events held to honour this day,” Melissa adds.
“MISS is also working with Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust in Victoria to create a public memorial area for those affected by early pregnancy loss,” says Melissa. “The memorial garden, featuring a sculpture called ‘Forever in My Heart,’ will offer a beautiful space for reflection and healing, anticipated to launch in May 2025.”
Individuals can also apply for a Recognition of Early Pregnancy Loss Certificate in their State or Territory to commemorate their baby.
Pictured from left to right: 1. The “Forever in My Heart” sculpture marking the entrance of the new purpose-built Memorial Area for Early Pregnancy Loss currently being built at Bunurong Memorial Park, Dandenong, Victoria. 2. MISS care package bag. 3. MISS infinity necklace. 4. MISS in-memoriam butterfly.
Providing compassionate support
How can family and friends offer meaningful support to someone who has experienced pregnancy loss?
Melissa offers several suggestions for family and friends on how to provide compassionate support:
- Say “I’m sorry” and acknowledge the loss.
- Offer a hug and let them know you are there for them.
- Send messages, emails, or cards to show you care.
- Be kind, caring, and non-judgmental.
- Ask, “How can I help you?” and listen to their responses.
- Allow them to express their sadness and loss without judgment.
- Be present and supportive in a gentle manner.
- Offer to help with practical tasks, such as organizing a meal or assisting with other children.
“Supporting someone through miscarriage or early pregnancy loss involves listening, showing compassion, and being present,” says Melissa. “Small gestures of kindness can make a significant difference during such a difficult time.”
By fostering understanding and compassion, we can help break the stigma surrounding miscarriage and early pregnancy loss, providing the support needed for those grieving the loss of their baby.
Support is always available
If you or a loved one is seeking support, please refer to the below resources:
Griefline 1300 845 745
Red Nose Grief and Loss 1300 308 307
Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636
Lifeline 13 11 14
Bears of Hope 1300 11 HOPE (4673)
About Melissa King
Miscarriage Information Support Service Founder and President
In April 2012, Melissa founded Miscarriage Information Support Service, to make a positive difference to anyone impacted by miscarriage, after finding it difficult to find early pregnancy loss resources and a specific service for early pregnancy loss, after the loss of her baby to miscarriage.
Miscarriage Information Support Service (MISS) is an inclusive community service providing information, awareness, education, resources and support programs for anyone who has been impacted by the loss of a baby through miscarriage/early pregnancy loss.
Melissa has a Master of Counselling, Graduate Diploma in Applied Psychology, Bachelor of Arts (Psychology), and a Diploma of Business (Frontline Management).
As the Founder and President of Miscarriage Information Support Service, Melissa is passionate about raising community awareness of miscarriage and educating the community about how to effectively respond to miscarriage, through a number of programs including the National Miscarriage Awareness Day Campaign (first Sunday in May, one week prior to Mother’s Day annually) that was established by MISS in 2019.
The MISS Committee of Management has created information flyers and early pregnancy support resources (e.g. care package bags, Miscarriage/Early Pregnancy Loss eBook), and is working with Southern Metropolitan Cemeteries Trust to establish Australia’s first purpose-built Memorial Garden for Early Pregnancy Loss. MISS aims to improve mental health outcomes for anyone impacted by the loss of a baby through miscarriage in Australia.
