[holdinghope25]

So today my worst fears are becoming a reality as something is wrong with my puppy. My anxiety is really getting the better of me, thinking the worst case scenario. Really feeling like i have the worst luck in the world, left questioning what did i do to deserve this, where did I go so wrong, why are bad things always happening to me.

[holdinghope25]

Thankyou for your kind words. It really took alot to take that step to get this puppy but I’m really glad that I did. Having him is life changing for me in so many ways, I struggle with many mental health issues and other health issues so he will be trained in many areas to help support me. He has already learnt alot of the basics and is now learning some tasks to help me with everyday life, he has learnt how to interrupt behaviours that could be harmful to myself and provides comfort when I’m upset and getting worked up. We already have a very strong bond, he sleeps on my pillow every night and is very focused on me.

The bond with each of my dogs has been different, each of them unique and special and i have so many amazing memories to treasure from them all. I’m so grateful to have my new puppy and we are starting to make memories together as we go through this journey.

Thankyou for all the support, it really means alot to me. I don’t have any family or friends to talk to so being able to share here and get support is really helpful.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear Holdinghope25,

I would like to acknowledge how courageous that was of you, to feel so anxious ahead of meeting a new puppy, then starting the process of bonding with them as a friend and support. It sounds like you are starting to feel the benefit of taking that courageous step. Companion animals, and especially assistance animals, can provide so much more than functional support; companionship, acceptance, loyalty, trust, and also a fresh sense of purpose, as they depend on their human for so much. That process seems to be starting up again for you. No new pet ever replaced an old one. I certainly get that, and miss all my old friends terribly. Each new companion creates a unique and unrepeatable relationship, full of all the curiosity and wonder that you each bring to it. As you move through your sadness at your own pace, I hope you have picked up a new friend to help you along the way.

[holdinghope25]

Thankyou for your reply. It’s definitely been challenging to say the least. I miss my other 3 dogs alot but they at least had full lives with me and I only lost them due to old age, whereas my girl being only 3 it just hits so hard. She was diagnosed with Renal dysplasia when she was 18 months old, she went from being a playful puppy to basically an old dog and it broke my heart to watch the changes in her. I have pictures of them all up with their ashes and I look at them everyday, when it comes to my girl I lost last year the photo makes me cry cos she looks like such a baby and she should have had her whole life ahead of her with me.

I’m trying my hardest to push through the anxiety with my new puppy and he is in training to be my assistance dog. He is doing amazing and at just 12 weeks old has learnt so much already. He brings me so much joy and I’m really thankful to have him, I almost didn’t cos a couple of days before I was due to pick him up my anxiety really kicked in and I just freaked and questioned whether I could go through with it. But I’m really glad that I did, I’m just taking each day as it comes and enjoying the moments with him.

[VM-DC8707]

Dear Holdinghope25

I am so sorry to hear about the multiple losses of your beloved dogs over the last five years, including your young girl who gave so much to you. It sounds like she helped keep you safe during tough times. Losing our pets can be heartbreaking, but I can’t imagine the pain of losing an assistance dog who not only was trained specifically to help you but was also a constant companion. Feeling anxious about the well-being of a new puppy would be natural, considering the multiple losses and the compounded grief you are dealing with. The love and care that you have given to your dogs, and now to your new puppy, are evident to see. Also, I can hear the strength you have in knowing what you need to keep yourself safe. The loss of a pet can be as significant as the loss of a human, yet this is not always recognised by society. The Griefline article ‘Losing A Pet’ has some information that you might find helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/losing-a-pet/. The Griefline Helpline is available on 1300 845 745, 8 am to 8 pm seven days a week (AEST), where you will be able to talk to someone about how you feel. Please keep reaching out on the forum as a part of your support network. We are here for you.

[holdinghope25]

Hi all this is my first time posting here. I’ve had to put 4 dogs down in the past 5 years (2 in the same day) and it’s been really tough on me. My girl that I lost last year was actually my assistance dog and she was only 3 years old, that one has hit me the hardest. She was my support when things got really hard and I went through several suicide attempts but she was right by my side the whole time. She was trained to support me and interrupted destructive behaviours and supported me through panic attacks. I was lost without the company and support of a dog, I’ve recently got a new puppy but I’m struggling with the anxiety of something going wrong because of what happened to my last girl. Not sure how to move past this if it’s even possible. My heart is still truly broken from losing my other dogs and I miss them everyday.

[vm-oscar-at]

Losing a sister and a close friend in such as short space of time is really difficult and as the other responders have mentioned, it takes courageous to reach out to others and acknowledge the challenge of facing this grief. From your message, you have shown awareness and understanding of unhelpful coping actions and behaviours, and while it may take some others longer to notice this, it’s something to be proud and is as a strength to recognise this and how it’s affecting you. I think it also means that there’s some desire or motivation to find other ways to cope, and reaching out services and other forms of support is a step towards this.

I hope you’ve been able to get in touch with some of the supports mentioned in the first response, or even having a chat to your GP is a great first step too. And if you haven’t had a chance yet, I hope you’re able to in time. Griefline volunteers are here for chat as well if you need on the Helpline number 1300 845 745, and the convenience of an anonymous call might seem easier in moments of grief and pain as well.

[VM-Summer24]

I just want to add how much my heart goes out to you, Xereus, and reiterate daffodil duck in saying you are not alone, everything you’re feeling is valid, and I’m so glad you have reached out. No one should go through what you are alone – and support is available.

With everything you’re experiencing, I can only begin to imagine your suffering right now, and the layers of pain would be huge to bear. It takes great courage to feel those feelings, and to seek help. These are both such important steps to help you navigate and gradually grow around your grief, finding a way go (and grow) forward.

As daffodil duck said, Griefline is here for you, in the forum and on the phone. The other resources are great too, and you might also like to explore http://standbysupport.com.au/ which offers support specifically for people bereaved by suicide.

Thanks again for coming to the forum, Xereus. Please do keep in touch.

[VM_daffodilduck]

Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience with us. This is a courageous step, and opening up about what is happening can be confronting and scary, but I’m glad you felt the need to reach out.

Firstly, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing two people who are very close to us a week apart is not something that is easy to carry. The added blame that the family is expressing is understandably making things feel heavier when all we need is support. I do want you to know that you are not alone in your grief. Experiencing similarities, more related to drugs and suicide, your feelings of grief are totally valid. I want to express that you have choices, you’re not alone, and we can provide support.
The pain is going to be there. After coming out of my negative coping patterns, I decided to sit in my grief, and try so hard not to blame myself for not calling, or rocking up at their house to see how they are. I felt I could have done so much more to help them, and it took me some time to get over it, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love him.
I had to reach out and ask for help, like you are doing now, that’s why reading your message is such a privilege. I felt isolated and alone, but I used resources just like you are doing now. It’s so courageous to step up and ask.
I want to leave some resources below, please use them, there is no shame, judgement, or guilt when using services that are there to help us.
Keep using this message board to reach out, call Griefline, or book a call back from our services online. We are here, and we want to sit with you in your grief and offer support.

Griefline
1300 845 745

Home

Lifeline
13 11 14
http://www.lifeline.org.au

Suicide call back service
1300 659 467
http://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au

Beyond Blue
1300 224 636
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

Drug and Alcohol Counselling
https://www.counsellingonline.org.au/
(refer to website, each state has a different number)

[xereus]

I have recently lost my sister to an overdose and a week later a really close friend had overdosed as well, I am currently the centre of blame for my family with them telling me I didn’t do enough to help my sister and it is making me feel responsible for her passing and its not making the other passing i had experienced any easier, I am currently using really unhealthy coping mechenisims to get through this and it just hurts so much on a daily basis i feel like i can’t function or seeking validation from others just to stay numb to everything around \.

[Author]

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