[VM oncloudydays]

Hi Donnie, thank you for sharing your experience. It sounds like you have been through a tough grief experience and it is good to hear that you are experiencing feelings of hope and starting to move forward. Just like what you and other users in the thread has described, the recovering journey is non-linear; you can be revisiting previous stages or experiencing multiple stages at the same time. Despite that, it is reassuring to hear that you are making sure to eat and sleep, and allowing yourself patience to move on.

You’ve mentioned that you are still fighting, and I was wondering if you would like to share the coping strategies or strengths that keep you going?

Remember that you are already doing a great job by practicing resilience and self care. It may take time, but you will be there someday.

[VMToby]

Thank you Kayjayenn,

Thank you for the update and reaching out to let us know that after a week you are starting to feel a bit less sad.
What lovely memories you have of your special cat that he was so loved and his death was instant.
If you need to talk please reach out to Grief line 1300 845 745.
Take Care.

[donnie]

Hello, my name is Donnie and grief is nothing like any other pain you go through. Everything I have read above is true, the waves and the days that are no so bad and the ones that you wish you won’t wake up from.

It’s all so random and unfair and the pain doesn’t go away. In time it does get “Dialed Down” to a level that enables you to start moving forward.

I’m waiting for that to happen, until then I eat, I sleep, I put one foot in front of the other and repeat. The days feels like ground hog day but I keep on fighting it and just hope there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

[imissmum]

Hello Viper1892,

Sorry for the loss of your mum after a long battle with Alzheimer’s.
It is very hard to lose a parent.
My mum died 2 months ago from dementia. She was palliative for about a year before she passed.
I understand your family situation as my brother has his own thing going on too. I love dad and enjoy just sitting with him in relative silence, I feel we understand each other and can support one another and don’t need to talk.
I really get where you are coming from with no social contacts as I feel the same. I find it easier to be alone lately as nothing anyone says is that comforting to hear re: loss of a loved one. People try to say deep meaningful things but it is just on the surface and the bond between mum and child is so powerful and unique.
I like to just cry and be sad when I need to. I often cry when driving because mum and I both liked driving and had so many rides with one another from when I was young. I remember the last drive we took which was to re-home our family cat because she could no longer take care of it. Not long after this drive, mum lost use of her legs and became bed-bound. So I think of this last trip with such fondness. I find it comforting and nice to remember all the good memories though nothing can ever bring our loved one back.
Hope you are holding up especially with mother’s day coming up – very hard.

[kayjayenn]

Thank you for your reply. I am feeling a bit less sad now after a week. I think maybe because I keep reminding myself that he was loved every single minute he spent with us. Also, he passed instantly.

[VMToby]

Kayjayenn,
I was so sorry to read about the loss of your cherished cat just recently and so suddenly too.
Thank you for reaching out to the griefline Forum.
Pets bring us such unconditional love and loyalty and a sudden loss like this will take time to work through.

Griefline is here for you if you would like to talk about the loss of your cat.We are available 7 days a week ,8 am to 8pm and our phone number is 1300 845 745.
Our website has information about how to support yourself through the loss of a Pet.

You ask the question about whether people have their cats indoors or outdoors and I wonder if you feel guilty about it being an outdoor/indoor cat when your previous cat had been indoor/outdoor one and lived a long life. The decision about this is yours alone and your cat’s too- being a cat they do have a say also.
This was an awful accident so please do not feel guilty.

Take care of yourself and be kind to your self as you learn to adjust to life without your cherished cat.
Take care.

[kayjayenn]

Over Easter my cat was killed on the road just near my house. We had him for a little over a year and I really loved him a lot. He was the most affectionate cat I’ve ever had and I miss him snuggling with me at night.
I have always allowed my cats access to the outdoors, but I know some people like to keep them as indoor only. What do you guys think? My previous cat lived indoor/outdoor and lived to 20 years of age!

[vmmaggie]

Hello Claire
Yes the impact/significance of anticipatory grief for a loved one must be, as you say, something one dreads.
However as we navigate such a journey we need to keep reminding ourselves of the most beautiful gift we can provide … the gift of our presence and often in the absence of any dialogue.
Furthermore though, when our loved one is up to talking – we are sometimes able to initiate the most meaningful/intimate conversations (examples) –

‘What is important to you/weighing most heavily on your mind at this time’?
‘Any special messages to be communicated’?

Whilst conveying your love and how much the person will be missed, reassure them too that you will be ok (upbringing – trained to independent)

Also as mentioned above, your own self care is important – timeout for some exercise/nutritional meals even if only small/plus managing some sleep.
Be ready too to accept help from others when offered (we all value being needed)!
All the best at this difficult time

[VM-Cody24]

Hi @clairescully,

I’m wondering how you are going?

Below, vm-oscar-at and sanette offered some beautiful tips and encouraging words.

I just want to emphasise again that you are not alone.
I recently experienced the passing of a loved one due to pancreatic cancer.
She was young and vibrant, so it was really difficult to see the cancer progress so quickly.
You feel so helpless and you feel so angry and frustrated that there is literally nothing you can do to help them.
All we could do was focus on the love that we had for her and just being there for her in whatever way she needed us.
I am so grateful that she is no longer in any pain but she is missed so very much.
Some days I feel extremely sad but there are times that I smile when I look at her photo and think about the good times we had together or the funny things she might have told me.
Being surrounded by other people that loved her dearly helps immensely, as we can share our sense of loss and lean on each other.

I hope you have found some ways to look after yourself and to seek comforts in others.

Remember that the Griefline offers telephone support 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm on 1300 845 745.
Please don’t hesitate to reach out to one of the volunteers.

[VM-Cody24]

Hi @phill,
Thank you for continuing to stay connected via the online forum.
I imagine that yearning to have Julie with you is very difficult to sit with at times.
It takes a lot of courage to express how you are feeling, so we are grateful that you are continuing to share that with us.
I’m wondering if you have found some helpful ways to get you through those hard times.
Please know that the Griefline community is here to support you.
Reach out to speak with one of the volunteers via the Helpline on 1300 845 745.

[Author]

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