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Hi @carolinedeg,
One week since your dad’s passing (two now) is a really short time, though I am sure to you it feels like the longest time. I wonder how you have gone getting back to work. You mentioned that you backed out of going back after one week of him passing away as you were not okay – a normal grief reaction. It is important that you give yourself time to adjust. There is no timeframe with this – everyone is different. You mentioned feeling guilty that you didn’t push harder for him to come to rest at home and questioned if not giving your dad antibiotics was the right thing to do. It’s very natural to question our decision making when it comes to end-of-life care, especially when the person means so much to us. It sounds like he was ready to go. Trust in your own decisions and know that those were made out of love. Keep reaching out Caroline
Dear @creativeguy
I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your mum, especially after taking care of her so closely. You must feel drained. Grief is hard to get over so you will need to do as much self care as you can. Try to take deep breaths and go for walks and find something you like to do. I hope you have a close friend to share your grief with. Thank you for sharing. I pray you can find peace and happy memories.
Dear @creativeguy,
I am so sorry to hear you lost your Mum. I can see that as she was your only family, and from you supporting her through her cancer four times, that you were very close. Incredibly difficult as it is, it is normal to feel these intense feelings of grief. It can feel hopeless and hard to cope. It is courageous of you to share your feelings and show vulnerability, and I am glad that you have reached out. It is so important to look after ourselves when we are feeling this way. This can look different to different people (I have attached a link to self-care strategies; I found it so useful when my Nan passed. I hope you do too). Getting professional help is a great place to start, as is reaching out on this forum. Here is an entire community who understand what you are going through; we all have our grief story and are moving through it or have come through it. You are not alone in your grief. Keep reaching out.
Hi Everyone
I lost my Mum. ( my only family ) late this March
We lived together . Last 15 years have been particularly hard with she having X4 Cancers during this time .
I’m Neurodivergent . I’m been in hospital,a few times since .
I am finding it very hard to cope .
It’s been only last few weeks it’s rally hit me she’s gone
As a result things have been worse .
I can’t see any hope at the moment .
I am getting professional helpIt is so incredibly painful to lose a furry buddy, especially one as young as Cesar, and so early in your time together. The bond between dogs and humans is strong and loving, and so painful when either is bereaved of the other. Dogs seem to understand us in a way that is hard to explain. At the same time, it is not always possible for them to help us understand what they need, especially when they are unwell. It often happens that, by the time we understand something is not right, it is too late to intervene; or in some cases, it is not a condition that can be resolved. It is not always clear which is which. It is clear that Cesar was loved and treasured by you, and that you took his happiness and welfare seriously. It is understandable that you would feel guilty, or feel that you had not done enough; and at the same time, you acted on the information that you had in front of you.
You are not alone in that. Over many decades, I have said farewell to many beloved pets, sometimes unexpectedly, none of whom were any easier than the other, and none of whom are forgotten, or loved any less. Looking back, I am still sad about the timing of some of my decisions. Nevertheless, they remain as I made them, with the best intentions and information of the day.
It remains to find ways to support yourself through the painful emotions that come with loss, and to find ways of remembering and honouring your mate that work for you. From what I know of dogs, he wouldn’t blame you, he’d just try to comfort you.
You may find this article helpful,
Or, if you feel ready, you may wish to connect with a caring volunteer on the helpline (1300 845 745)
Take care of yourself, friend.
I had my dog die two days ago. His name was Cesar and he was only one and a half. I got him right after I turned 18, expecting him to be my best friend throughout my 20s. I thought he would watch me get married and begin having kids. He was my best friend and I loved him more than anyone. He was the one consistent thing in my life. I did not take him to the vet until it was too late, and I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that because of the decision, I killed him, and had I taken him to the vet earlier, he would still be alive.
Hello Dragon74,
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and dad, I can’t imagine how painful and overwhelming this must feel especially at the one year anniversary. It sounds like you are struggling to make sense of it all and it’s difficult to cope right now. Feeling this way after losing your mum and dad to cancer in such a short period of time is completely understandable. Grief can feel overwhelming and unpredictable and I want to acknowledge the strength and courage it must of taken for you to reach out to others and get the support you need. You mentioned grief counselling and i’m not sure where you are based but if you live in NSW you may be eligible for the integrated grief program which offers 6 free sessions with a grief counsellor details below
If you are living in other states we have a directory on our website of counsellors who also offer grief counselling,
https://theaca.net.au/home. or https://www.pacfa.org.au/portal/portal/Find-a-Therapist/Find-A-Therapist.aspx?hkey=8840626d-7a85-4e3f-951b-51d2f8b7bf94
Additionally you are always welcome to call Griefline’s Helpline on 1300 845 745 (8am – 8pm, 7 Days (AEDT) for a supportive conversation.
Thank you for reaching out and please continue to do so on the forum we are here to listen and support you. Take care- This reply was modified 2 days, 18 hours ago by .
Hello Dragon74, thank you for sharing on the forum. Grieving a parent is such a significant loss so I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to be grieving the loss of both of your parents. It’s understandable that you are feeling like this especially as it is the death anniversary. People who experience multiple losses can find it challenging to cope with their loss, or losses individually, and can feel lost at times as it can feel overwhelming. I hope that you are being kind and gentle with yourself. I also hope that you have some time and space to sit with your grief as uncomfortable as it can feel. People who are grieving often find naming their emotions to be helpful, and these emotions that you are feeling are temporary. It’s also ok to ask for help from any supports including friends. You are not alone, and there are supports out there to help you. Feel free to call Grief Line on 1300 845 745 (8am-8pm 7 days a week) to speak to a caring volunteer who has been trained in grief support.
Lucy.
So not really sure where to start. In October last year I lost my mum cancer and then 5 months later lost my dad to cancer. This week is the first anniversary and I am not coping at all. I havn’t dealt with either death and seriously need some grief counselling. Just have no idea what to say to be honest
Dear Tom,
My heart goes out to you and your children during this awful time. Your loss is so recent and so raw. Losing a beloved wife at any age, and a Mum at such a young age, is a devastating blow for a young family. I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must feel by grief and the responsibilities of caring for your children. Once upon a time I became a solo Dad to two four year olds, though not through bereavement. It is one thing to suffer, and another thing entirely to watch your children suffer. It is also such a cruel coincidence that all the crucial tasks arrive when you have the least available energy and inclination to do them. All the things you are feeling are valid and real. It’s okay to feel heartbroken while you make dinner; cry while you run the bathwater; fall asleep from exhaustion while reading a bedtime story. Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself the things you need to keep going, and please don’t hesitate to reach out for support. Your children need you, and vice-versa, and you need your support community. Cobble it together from whatever and whoever you can. As one Dad to another, I wish you well and hope no helping hand is wasted while you walk this journey of grief and parenthood.
I hope we can support and comfort you here, or on the Griefline Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm ADST) when you need it. You don’t have to do this alone.Resources here on the Griefline website may be helpful to you, and you may also wish to look into contacting First Light Widowed Support at https://www.firstlight.org.au/
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