[VM-stevie]

Hi Ruby,

So sorry to hear about your loss, and well done for reaching out even after some time has passed. There’s definitely no timeline for grief, it can linger for a long time or pop up when you don’t expect it.
I lost a really close friend when I was younger, and I definitely still experienced a feeling of numbness after a year, and it would still happen sometimes even a couple years later. I found some mindfulness helped, like naming things I can see, or going for a walk and trying to notice things of a certain colour. Just something to drag my attention back to actually noticing things, instead of zoning out. Are there any things you do that help you feel more present?
Jumping on the forums is a great step, there’s lots of support here. Go gently with yourself and take some small steps, you’re doing a great job already!

[VMToby]

Dear Ruby,
Thank you for reaching out to us at Griefline to share what a devastating time you and your whole Family have been going through since March 2024.
To lose a brother so young and in such a tragic way I can only imagine is devastating and as you said s hard to believe it is real sometimes.
Your feeling at this time are so normal ,happiness and then numb and so empty.Eveyone’s experience of grief is so different.

Griefline is here 7 days a week from 8 am -8pm Victorian time and our number is 1300 845 745 if you ever feel like talking about what you are experiencing or to talk about your brother and what you miss about him.
Ou
Our website has lots of resources about grief and loss and there is the option to join a six week zoom group for those who have lost someone.
Self care is important too and there is imformation about this on the website.

Moving forward is not easy and you are not ‘horrible’ in wanting to live your life now. It is about learning to live with the loss alongside you living your life.This is not easy to do.
Be kind to yourself and lovely to hear from you Ruby.
Take Care.

[ruby0608]

Hi my name is Ruby
In march of 2024, i lost my eldest brother to a fight outbreak which unfortunately he ended up passing away from.
Since he passed i have struggled to recover from it and the thought of if how he died.
He was 35 and the night we got the call it broke me and my family.
I have struggled to believe its real sometimes and have wanted to call or text him as i always went to him for my problems and since then i have been bottling all my emotions and it’s been getting a lot worse lately.
Although there are times where im happy, when im alone i just feel so numb and empty sometimes.
And yes, i know its been over a year and im just writing this now but i really want to learn to accept that’s he’s really gone and i won’t ever see him again.
As horrible as that might sound, i want to be able to live my life and make him proud but im really struggling with that right now and have been since the day he passed away.

Thanks for listening.

[VM-flo]

Dear Danielle,

I am sorry to hear about your loss and the struggles you are facing right now, I can’t imagine how that would feel for you. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience about your loss, it sounds like your mother was always there for you.

I am sorry to hear you have had trouble reaching someone to speak to at Griefline, I hope you have managed to get through since you wrote last.
At times there can be a wait, and I understand how frustrating that can be. I hope it wasn’t too long and that support was available when you needed it.

It is comforting to hear that your grandmother and sister are there for you and that you do have support. But I also understand that it’s not the same, and that can feel so hard. It’s okay to miss what you had, and to feel the ache of that difference.

Please do reach out again if you would like to talk to someone. Take care 🙂

[daniellee]

My sister and grandmother are my main sources of support, and I have been seeing a psychologist. I have tried multiple times to call griefline but no one ever answers, it’s just the automated message telling me that all the people are on other calls.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear Isabella,

Firstly, I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s completely normal to feel a mix of emotions, even after a significant amount of time has passed since your loss. Grief is a complex and personal process that takes time, and it’s essential to be patient with yourself.
It’s understandable to feel like others expect you to have moved on after a certain amount of time, but the truth is that grief doesn’t follow a linear path or a specific timeline. It’s natural to feel a deeper sense of sadness as the reality of your mother’s absence sets in.

Visiting the cemetery can be a difficult and emotional experience. It’s okay if you’re not ready to go, and there’s no need to push yourself to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Everyone finds different ways to feel connected to their loved ones, and it’s important to find what works best for you. It could be looking at photos, sharing stories with family and friends, or even engaging in activities that your mother enjoyed.

As you navigate this process, remember that it’s crucial to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your emotions and give yourself permission to feel them. It can also be helpful to seek support from a grief counselor or a support group where you can share your experiences with others who understand the complexity of grief. You are always welcome to have a free and non-judgemental conversation with a caring volunteer on the Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm AEST) whenever you feel you are ready.

Your love for your mother is evident, and it’s clear that you miss her deeply. Please know that your feelings are normal, and it’s okay to take the time you need to grieve and heal. Remember, healing doesn’t mean forgetting your Mum; it means finding a way to carry her love and memory with you as you move forward.

[isabella]

I lost my mum a year and a half ago and it still hasn’t hit me, its so weird that i think sometimes she is going to come back and as the time goes by it just gets more painful. People around me think its all good now, that everything is better than before cause its been more than a year, almost two, but i just feel sadder thinking about it,like she really isn’t going to come back, i don’t even want to do anything for her two year anniversary cause it just makes it more real. I haven’t been able to go to her cemetery because i don’t know what to do when i get there and i’m scared that i’ll just stand there and cry, which i don’t want to do. Is that bad?

[VM-Summer24]

Hi @maried1, I’m so glad you have found Griefline as you face this tragic and unexpected loss of your beloved sister.

Reading about the beautiful relationship you had with Kay is powerful and moving, and your love for her shines through in your message. From the way you write, it seems clear that Kay knew how much she meant to you, and as @VM-Eggo said too, it must have been a huge comfort for her to have you there at the hospital.

You are going through so much right now, with the trauma of what happened, your heartbreak at losing someone so precious, and that added element of feeling like she was let down. I just want to acknowledge your courage in seeking support, and reiterate that you are not alone. I especially hope you can be kind and gentle to yourself during this time.

The helpline and forums are here for you, and you might also like to have a browse through this guide which offers understanding and gentle strategies for caring for yourself while coping with such a heavy loss: https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/.

Most of all, please keep reaching out. You are in a community here where people truly want to listen and support you whenever you need it.

• This reply was modified 2 weeks, 6 days ago by VM-Summer24.

[VM-Eggo]

Hi @mariedl,

Thanks for being so brave in sharing your story and expressing your loss. It sounds like you had an incredibly close and loving relationship with your sister, and I’m so sorry to hear of the circumstances around her passing. I can hear the incredible pain that you are feeling right now, but know that it is completely normal to have intense feelings of grief following the recent loss of sibling, and even feelings of responsibility. Though, I’m sure your sister was greatly comforted by your presence with her at the hospital in Sydney.

If you’d like to talk to someone, the Griefline helpline is available 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm at 1300 845 745. We also have excellent resources on our website https://griefline.org.au/resources/. You are not alone in this, and should you need us, we are here with you.

Sending you comfort in your loss,

VM-Eggo

[maried1]

I have recently lost my beautiful sister under tragic circumstances.
her passing was sudden and unexpected.
I am finding it hard to sleep. I take a blanket of hers to bed every night so I somehow feel close to her.
I didnt think I would have to go through this the pain, heartache is unbearable.
Kay was my elder sister, she was born with Intellectual Disability, but to me she was just who she was.
I have always been her carer , guardian, until she went to a group residence 13 yrs ago.
this is where it happened, the day that changed our lives forever.
Kay had a fall, & sustained a severe injury, that was not picked up by medical interventions, for 3 days.
from the support staff, paramedics, hospital.
although she expressed, she was in bad pain, and the visual signs were also ignored.
3 days after us telling them medical drs, something was dreadfully wrong with her , it was finally looked into, it was
found there was a break in her neck.
Kay needed emergency surgery. I spent 3 weeks in sy7dney with her at RNS, only to loose her, unexpectedly,
due to consequences due to spinal cord injury.
I dont know what is left for me, I cant sleep, some days I dont want to get out of bed.I see her face everywhere, the look she gave
me the last time I seen her.
my heart is shattered, she didnt deserve this, I feel I have let her down, the staff let her down, the drs let her down.
I have lost loved ones before , but this pain is something I have never felt , ever.
I just miss my Kay so deeply, I wish I could have her back, life is just so not fair.

[Author]

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