[maried1]

I have recently lost my beautiful sister under tragic circumstances.
her passing was sudden and unexpected.
I am finding it hard to sleep. I take a blanket of hers to bed every night so I somehow feel close to her.
I didnt think I would have to go through this the pain, heartache is unbearable.
Kay was my elder sister, she was born with Intellectual Disability, but to me she was just who she was.
I have always been her carer , guardian, until she went to a group residence 13 yrs ago.
this is where it happened, the day that changed our lives forever.
Kay had a fall, & sustained a severe injury, that was not picked up by medical interventions, for 3 days.
from the support staff, paramedics, hospital.
although she expressed, she was in bad pain, and the visual signs were also ignored.
3 days after us telling them medical drs, something was dreadfully wrong with her , it was finally looked into, it was
found there was a break in her neck.
Kay needed emergency surgery. I spent 3 weeks in sy7dney with her at RNS, only to loose her, unexpectedly,
due to consequences due to spinal cord injury.
I dont know what is left for me, I cant sleep, some days I dont want to get out of bed.I see her face everywhere, the look she gave
me the last time I seen her.
my heart is shattered, she didnt deserve this, I feel I have let her down, the staff let her down, the drs let her down.
I have lost loved ones before , but this pain is something I have never felt , ever.
I just miss my Kay so deeply, I wish I could have her back, life is just so not fair.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear @claraflo,

It is very kind of you to reach out in support of someone else at a time of your own loss. Kind thoughts and compassion to you at this time from the volunteers at Griefline. Processing the enormity of what has happened can take time. If you find it helpful, please feel welcome to connect with one of our caring volunteers on the Helpline (1300 845 745 8am – 8pm AEST), anytime you would like to have a conversation about your own loss and how that is unfolding for you. Some of the resources on the Griefline site may also be helpful.

Take care

[VM-Johann]

Dear Danielle – I’m glad you were able to reach out at this time, and want to assure you that you are not alone.

I can see how much you are still grieving over losing your mum, and I’m so sorry for that loss. Clearly she has been such an important support for you while dealing with your own health issues. I think it is completely understandable that you would find yourself in a very difficult place trying to negotiate that loss, compounded with difficult family dynamics and having a fear of further loss with an older grandmother.

Are you in a position to be able to reactivate any of the support structures your mum helped with in the past – like a GP or psychologist? It sounds like at this time you need to have additional support around you, and if you are able to reconnect with services who know you and your history they could be best placed to help you navigate this complex time.

I don’t know if your sister is dependent in some way on you, or old enough to be a source of support, or whether you are able to talk to your grandmother about what you are feeling right now?

Griefline has a lot of good resources to refer to that may be of help https://griefline.org.au/resources/

Especially if you are feeling overwhelmed, please reach out to the telephone helpline (1300 845 745 between 8am and 8pm EST) and there will be someone to talk to you so you feel less alone.

Please stay connected with us, the fact you were able to reach out at this time and have a clear view of the multiple dynamics triggering your health is a strength that can be built on to find the next steps you need to take.

[sadgrandpasa]

I feel for you, i’ve had a very rough 2 years with medical issues and especially this year.
I had a seizure 8 weeks ago which led to me dislocating both shoulders and fracturing the humerous of 1.

Whilst i was in hospital post surgery with next to no medical guidance for the 4 weeks i was there and still none as an outpatient (that’s a different issue entirely), my father passed away the week after the surgery so 6 weeks ago and the funeral was the following week.

I managed top get to the funeral and was in the same room as him for 3 hrs, 3 days before he passed as he was rushed to the same hospital i was in but he has been a vegitable essentially for the past year so he wasn’t there. Never got that closure and have been struggling ever since, ontop of frustrations and worry with what’s otherwise been happening the past 2 years and tbe medical profession has been utterly useless in that time. At best they all contradict each other and just pass you on. Dad was just the tip of the iceberg and my last conversation wwith him was 8 months ago i visited him and let him know he was a great grand-pa as my step kids had a baby. I got no response. If that had been my dad he woulda been over the moon

This has led to uncontrollable almost non-stop grief and pain that i have no control over.

I will say tho. I did reach out to 2 therapist supoort services and just chatting is better then nothing albeit it may just be temporary relief.
Sondar offer a free non-referall needed service where you can just walk in or call and chat to someone and they will refer you to an appropriate therapist/psychiatrist etc. once again for free for 6 sessions, you decide the frequency and can change therapist anytime.

Also if you are working your work may have access to the EAP service Employment Assistance Programme which is essentially the same as the above

Dont bother with services Beyond Blue, Griefline, Lifeline they are useless. Tried all 3 and they offered no support, i even got cut off twice in the middle of a conversation.

As for dad, I still miss him dearly and will forever miss him and wish i woulda done more with him leading upto his passing. BUT…

– I know he was proud of me, and he loved me and my wife and
– He has given me so many positive traits like being more outgoing now and being a good person/hard worker and we spent alot of time together one on one during his life, that i will forever cherish.
– My Wife is amazing too, she has put up with so much in the past 8 weeks always being there for me regardless of how much pressure my situation has put on her aswell.
– My grandson has given me a new lease on life, even at my saddest he manages to pick me up with just a smile.

As abve said, i may never get over it, but i can deal with it. My wife lost both her parents and she is one of the happiest people you could know

[daniellee]

My Mum died suddenly last September, I simm her so much. My family is down to just me, my sister and my grandmother, who is my one remaining grandparent. My stepdad is no longer talking to us following legal issues with Mum’s will. All this has triggered my depression and anxiety as well. I’m scared of of what will happen to me when my grandmother dies, I don’t want to lose anyone else. Mum always fought for me, she got me help when I first had depression. I miss that, that she’s not here to help me now, and I feel alone.

[VM-bluesky]

Hi vixeni,
I’m sure you will treasure that video call, and no doubt reflect fondly on your relationship with him and what you learnt from him – over time, this will help you form a continuing bond. Loss of a key family member can bring up a lot of feelings and even changes in dynamics within a family. So many potential things COULD happen in the future, but most will not. When you know what you are dealing with, you will address it like you have done with other situations all your life. So try to focus on the present moment and deal with what is the task at hand right now – it sounds like you may need to discuss the situation with your boss so you can make a better informed decision. In the end, many things and other peoples’ responses are outside of your control – you can only focus on what is within your control. Please also consider reaching out to one of the Griefline volunteers on 1300 845 745 to chat about it.

[VM-Lottie24]

So sorry to hear you have lost your Mum, Annmarie. You’re dealing with so much loss and sadness – it’s complelety understandable that you feel broken and not able to see a way forward. Perhaps now isn’t the time to be making any big plans, but focus on small actions which support your own sense of safety and wellbeing. Having a daily routine which incorporates self-care and something that connects you to a feeling of peace, can bring a sense of stablity when everything feels a bit out of your control. This can be as simple as a walk in the park or having a warm bath in the evening to help you wind down and calm your thoughts. If you have a sympatheic GP, they may be a good resource for accessing support for you locally – and may be able to link you up with counselling.
You’re doing so well and are brave to reach out. Perhaps reading some of the resources on the Griefline website may help you decide what is right for you at this time. https://griefline.org.au/resources/

[VM-bluesky]

I’m so sorry to hear of your losses Annmarie. At major life transition times like this, it’s normal to feel overwhelmed and lost. Its very wise that you have reached out for support via this forum, and I urge you to also ring Griefline on 1300 845 745 between 8am and 8pm EST to chat with one of our volunteers who can help support you on your grief journey and refer you to other supports. Its important that you don’t go through this alone.

[annmarie]

Hi I’m relatively new to this. I lost my mum 7 weeks ago, she was in a nursing home and suffered from vascular dementia. Even though she was sick her death wasn’t excpected so suddenly. I’m struggling. I also lost my dad in September last year and my two elderly cats (my children) just before that. I have no siblings and am alone. I miss my mum incredibly and am struggling with my anxiety and depression. The one cat I have left which is mums is not well at the moment also so I’m panicking as well.

The grief of all my losses is unimaginable and I feel like no one understands but the loss of my mum has totally broken me. I don’t know how to move forward. Any advice would be great. Thank you.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear davidb316,

Thank you for reaching out and sharing with us. I want you to know that your feelings are valid and make perfect sense in light of the pain and difficulties you’ve experienced throughout your life. It takes courage to express your thoughts and emotions, especially when life feels overwhelming and hopeless.
It sounds like you’ve been carrying the weight of trauma and pain for a long time, and it’s completely natural to feel exhausted and disillusioned. Please know that healing and hope are still possible, even when it feels like you’ve been in darkness for a long time.

If you feel you are at imminent risk of taking your own life, please do not hesitate to call 000 for urgent help.
Lifeline volunteers are on hand to help you with crisis support on 13 11 14 (24 hrs), or Suicide Callback Service on 1300 659 467

Most importantly, know that you are not alone, and your life has value. Healing and personal growth are not linear processes, and setbacks are a natural part of the journey. With the right support and resources, it’s possible to rediscover a sense of hope and purpose.

If you’re not in immediate danger, and feel up to a compassionate conversation about your sense of loss and grief, please reach out to our Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm) to connect with a caring volunteer.

Take care. We’re here for you.

[Author]

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