[dolphinnn]

I recently lost my Poppa and my Cat, both the same morning… My Poppa we had our chances to spend his last weeks with him and spend time with him which I am forever grateful for.
He was on Dialysis for 7 and a half years and had a pacemaker put in before christmas and we thought we were gonna loose him then but we got one last christmas with him. It was his choice to stop Dialysis and exactly 7 days later he passed peacefully in his sleep. The night before he passed away I was sitting by his bedside and holding his hand listening to the death rattle and watching him struggle to breathe in his sleep. I will never forget that noise. It hasn’t even been a month yet and it feels like it hasn’t hit me yet. I suffer with mental health issues already and can feel myself in a depressive episode and getting angry and placing blame on other family members for things that were missed out on and for some of my family members who only started to be nice after his funeral. I had to put my cat down only maybe 5 hours later after getting the news about my Poppa and my cat was so sick and had been for days even after numerous vet visits he had less than a 50% chance even with surgery and they didn’t think he would make it anyway. My partner wasn’t very supportive and couldn’t show empathy during all this and I feel so incredibly alone. I feel like I can’t talk to my family as I was the only one holding my house together for my family and my house is all doom and gloom and I can’t even bring anything up without having to support them and getting nothing in return. I feel like the adult to my own parents right now. I don’t know where to go or how to even begin to process all of this. I can’t even see my psychologist more frequently because of the sessions for a care plan and they don’t charge out of pocket plus I have a great therapeutic relationship and he knows my history to be able to help me more than any other professional. Everyone commends me for being so strong but that’s because I don’t let anyone see the truth as I’ve always had to be the strong person and I don’t have someone to be my strong person. Yes I have a partner but he has only made things so much harder with everything going on even after speaking with him. Just don’t know where to start my grieving process and how to let myself feel what it is I feel.

[holdinghope25]

Thankfully he never had to stay at the vet although they did want me to leave him there but I couldn’t. I’m so relieved that he is doing better now, but the anxiety is definitely running higher after this scare. Reaching out here is helpful to share these experiences and to receive support. I’m really grateful for everyone’s messages here, so thankyou to you all.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear holdinghope25,

I’m really glad to hear that your puppy is home with you again, and improving. It must be a great relief. Experiencing anxiety must make it that much more difficult for you when you suspect something is wrong with your new friend. Good on you for getting everything checked out and well done for responding to the situation. If phone conversations are challenging for you, I’m very glad that the forum is here as a safe channel for you to express your feelings and seek support.

[holdinghope25]

Thanks for checking in. It’s been really touch and go for me over the past few days. Thankfully my puppy is doing better and back to his playful self. Whilst it would be great to talk to someone i struggle with making phone calls but thankyou.

[VM-flo]

Dear holdinghope25
I just thought I’d check in and see how you are doing since you posted last. If you feel like a chat, please reach out to us here anytime: 1300 845 745. We are here to listen and here for you.

[holdinghope25]

That’s just the thing, I don’t have any support around me so at the moment with the way things are it’s just a matter of me reaching out to crisis lines trying to get by. It’s been a really rough few days and it’s sent my mental health spiralling out of control, trying hard to focus on spending time with my puppy and just taking each moment as it comes. It gets exhausting when you are living minute by minute. Thanks for the support, it really means alot.

[vm-oscar-at]

You have been through multiple losses and grief journeys with your previous dog companions @holdinghope25, so it’s understandable that the past experiences are impacting the time shared with your new puppy. It’s wonderful that you’ve started to create a bond with the pup, and it sounds like you are both already quite in-tune with one another. Finding the best way to cope through an anxious period can be challenging, and I hope that you’ve built some supports around you throughout your mental health wellbeing journey. The forum community and Griefline volunteers are available to chat in those moments when you need to connect with someone as well.

[holdinghope25]

Hi, sorry things have been really bad for me over the past few days and I’m not coping. I had to take my puppy to the vet for an urgent appointment, it’s baffled the vets which really doesn’t help my anxiety as there’s no answer or treatment that’s a definite cure. They wanted me to leave him there to monitor him but I broke down crying and freaked out cos it brought back all the trauma from when I left my girl there then a couple of hours got the worst news ever. So he is home with me and he has to have an antibiotic cream applied for the next 5 days but if that doesn’t help then they don’t know what’s next. So it’s been very much touch and go.

It’s not what I needed and I really just feel like the world is against me and the I’m not allowed to have happiness.

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear Holdinghope25,

I notice that it’s been a few days since you posted about your concerns for your new puppy. If you feel comfortable to, do let us know how things are progressing for you. Remember that, even though you have many challenges, you also have a lot of experience now. Please reach out to the forum, or to the helpline, if you need some extra support.

[holdinghope25]

So today my worst fears are becoming a reality as something is wrong with my puppy. My anxiety is really getting the better of me, thinking the worst case scenario. Really feeling like i have the worst luck in the world, left questioning what did i do to deserve this, where did I go so wrong, why are bad things always happening to me.

[Author]

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