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Wife died 11 days ago in ICU

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one Wife died 11 days ago in ICU

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  • #26495
    rainydays75
    Participant

    Following a two week hospital stay last year my wife was diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune disease known to cause progressive interstitial lung disease. She recovered and came home and everything seemed to be ok for 9 months or so then a dry cough started. The cough and breathlessness got worse so I called an ambulance. My wife was put in a ward on oxygen and seemed stable and was put on immunosuppressants. A week passed and her oxygen requirement slowly increased. They moved her to ICU. She told me she was scared of dying without seeing our 11 year old son again. My wife was the carer of our son who has autism. The doctors had to intubate her and put her on sedatives to supply enough oxygen. I could no longer communicate with her properly. She was on the ventilator for more than a week but the lung condition did not improve. I was by her side for hours each day. Eventually one of the doctors drew me aside and said that she would not survive. She was no longer able to respond and labouring. After consultation with the ICU team the family decided together to turn off the ventilation, and after a short time she died that evening, aged only 52. We were all devastated and I was inconsolable. I felt like I had failed her even though there was nothing I could have done. I was exhausted and had to tell our son. It was so horrible. I miss her so much. She was my best friend and the nicest person you could ever meet. Always went out of her way to help others. Life is so unfair. I see her now in many things each day and it is so so hard. Got to take one day at a time and be kind to myself and others.

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  • #26507
    vmpercy
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It sounds like she was a truly wonderful person, and what you and your son are going through is incredibly tough. The way you were by her side, and how you’re taking it one day at a time for yourself and your son, shows real strength. It’s heartbreaking and unfair, and I want you to know that you haven’t failed anyone. sometimes life just throws at us really hard stuff. We’re here for you and you’re not alone in this.

    I’ve attached a link to the “Coping with the Loss of a Loved One” article. It could offer you some helpful insights, especially dealing with seeing her in many things each day and the overwhelming feelings that come with it. And, considering your son’s unique needs, the “Grief and Loss For Children and Adolescents” article might help in understanding what he’s going through and how to support him. Whenever you’re ready, we’re here to chat and support you.

    Coping with the Loss of a Loved One

    Grief and Loss For Children and Adolescents

    #26710
    vmamaya
    Participant

    Rainydays75 your story brought tears to my eyes, truly sorry for the loss of your wife, she sounds like a special lady and an amazing carer, mother for your son. I wonder how you and your family are going? I hope you have been able to reach out to our helpline when needed, if you need additional family support, you can reach out to Carers Australia short-term counselling and support services for carers and their families, each state has its own website, Phone: 1800 242 636 Website: https://www.carersaustralia.com.au/ Hours: 9am to 5pm.

    Griefline have free support groups online if you feel you would like some additional support https://griefline.org.au/get-help/support-groups/ they are run by qualified grief counsellors and go for 6 weeks, just need to fill out the information online to register.

    Take care and reach out when you are ready, we are here to support you.

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