Loss of a Loved One

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

Topic

[VM-Fern]

Fair enough @orphankitty75. It’s great that you are dealing with this in the best way for you right now, and that you are clear that you’re not ready yet for face to face counselling. There are many resources available in this Forum so I hope you are looking over those and finding the best ones for you. You are a caring person and your self-care is paramount. So often people who care are not so able to direct that same care to themselves – I know, I’m one! It’s really about finding ways to “recharge your battery”, a battery which grief and loss flatten quickly.

So when and if you’re ready, there’ll be a listening caring person on the Griefline phone. All the very best.

[orphankitty75]

Yes I have been overthinking it now, as the grief get deeper and darker and the “DOOM” feelings inside me grow more and more as I feel more lonely, but first I have to try online help, as I don’t feel comfotable enough for face to face yet. 🙁

• This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by orphankitty75.

[VM-Fern]

Hi @orphankitty75. I’d like to thank you as well for reaching out and sharing your very sad loss with the Forum, in such a heartfelt and well-written post. Certainly a very big hole has been created with your mother’s passing as she meant so much to you. And it has been quite traumatic for you as well having to try to resuscitate her and trying desperately to get some help. And you’ve had to go through this without close family support. It is understandable that you don’t want to burden others with your grief. It happens so often: family members can’t talk to their relatives about how bad they’re feeling because that triggers off the grief reaction in the others. You mentioned that your GP had suggested grief counselling, and I wonder if that’s something you’ve thought about. Or calling us at Griefline. In situations where people feel they cannot talk about their grief for fear of upsetting others, this can be a good way to help to process the loss and lessen the loneliness that inevitably follows when there is no-one to really connect with.

[VM-The Old Oak Tree]

Dear @orphankitty75

I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of your mum, and the difficult circumstances of her passing. From what you’ve shared, it does sound like she was very close and so special to you. It also sounds like your mother and yourself we’re very close due to having made it together in Australia since moving here just the two of you.

It is quite natural to feel lonely when you’ve lost someone so close to you. I appreciate as well that this is made more difficult by the lack of social support that you have mentioned. It does also seem though that you are a very strong person, still getting up each day to take care of your dogs.

Perhaps you can continue the bond you shared with your mother in some way? Sometimes people do things like writing letters, looking at photographs, or even visiting places that the two of you enjoyed together. This is considered to be helpful, and a perfectly healthy practice both during this time shortly after your mothers passing, and going forward as you continue to grieve and process this loss. It often helps people to feel connected, and over time the difficult feelings like deep sadness can start to give way to enjoying fond memories. Although, I realise that might be very hard to imagine right now.

You are also welcome to call Griefline’s caring Helpline on 1300 845 745 (8am – 8pm, 7 days, AEST). Griefline’s website also offers numerous articles and resources which you may find helpful. For instance, this article is called ‘When a loved one dies: A guide to coping with grief and loss’. You can access this article here: https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/

Please continue to engage with this online forum and take care of yourself and your dogs. We are here listening to you.

• This reply was modified 1 week, 3 days ago by VM-The Old Oak Tree.

[orphankitty75]

Hello all, and I have read only the first page of this forum, and already see so many people with similar grieving stories to mine, it is awful how we are all connected and yet so disconnected from being able to help each other in real life or outside of a site like this 🙁
I have lost my mum also, tomorrow coming up to 6 weeks since her passing (14th Aug 2025), of a sudden heart attack brought on by fluid build up caused by double pneumonia, and all that caused by negligence of hospital staff that released her too soon and without enough medications in her system and care. It is so cruel and so raw to be there, to see your mum gasping for breath, foaming at mouth on the floor, not being able to help her out and screaming for help on the phone for the ambos to hurry up, and than hearing her ribs pop while you try to give her chest compressions. Yes that is what I had to experience with my mum’s death, at just 71yrs of age. She was my world, my only close family, in this country, as we have moved here to Australia just the two of us, in 1994, leaving other family behind, in Europe. I am also alone, no kids, no ex or present husbands, no boyfriend, just two dogs that motivate me to get out of bed everyday, to hug them and kiss them and spend time with them. I was my mum’s full-time carer for over 10yrs, so also no job or workmates to help me out with this grief either. I am in a website, so I have some little support there, but I feel like a party pooper when I say I am sad and depressed, and feeling like “DOOM” is coming inside my body because of the lonely grief building up. I do have my mum’ sister that I can talk to her once a week, still back home, but many times I avoid talking to her of how much pain and sadness I feel to avoid making her cry too much, also, because mum was her only sister, and the younger one too. And I know she worries about me also, because she knows I am NOW more alone than ever, out here, in this stranger’s world, far away from family and love that they have.
I don’t know what to do, besides talking to myself some days, pretending I can hear my mum’s voice in my head 🙁 just makes me cry even more, and my dogs react a lot to hearing me crying. I try to walk with them at least twice a week, I do not feel able or willing to get out every day with them, lucky I live in a house with a huge backyard for them to go for a run if they wish to do so, but they seem to just lay about in the sun, and then 10 minutes later they both want to come back inside to be near me. I have talked to my GP, he was also my mum’s GP, so he knows one day when I feel like this grief is too much, he will offer me help to go see counsel, but I have told him that I do not wish to take any meds for depression, also because I hate too many prescribed meds 🙁 So here I am, talked to someone on LIFELINE online last night, and they gave me Griefline link, and I joined up today, and let’s give this a go and see if I can be helped out a little 🙁
P.S. Million hugs to everyone that lost their mum this year, I am in the same headspace… broken, sad, alone and not seeing much light at the end of this grief tunnel 🙁

[VMsunbird20]

Hi smbl, I’m so sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your partner and best friend. Only two-three weeks between the diagnosis and their passing is such a short timeframe, it would make it very hard to process this grief and loss.
I’m glad you have reached out to Griefline. Please be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself the time and space to process your loss. Everyone processes grief differently and you may experience a range of emotions.
Please have a look at some of our tips under the Resources page and I hope you can prioritise your self-care – remember the simple things like taking time to eat, rest and stay active, such as going for a walk outdoors and getting some fresh air.
Is there anyone else you have reached out to about your loss?
Griefline is available 7 days a week from 8am-8pm, feel free to call if you feel ready to talk to someone about your loss.

[VM-Rose]

Dear @tonzi

I’m sorry to hear about the sudden and unexpected loss of your mum, the person you were closet to in this whole entire world. Losing your mum that you love and care deeply about and whom you shared everything with is incredibly painful I felt deeply when you said you were shattered and that grief is consuming you i can only imagine the shock and deep heartache you are experiencing right now, and i’m sending you a big hug.

It sounds like you have good support from your friends and family and that must really help when you need it most. I also hear that you need your own space at the moment and it’s requiring a lot of effort and strength to maintain your relationship with your partner, whilst dealing with the grief of losing your precious mum. Grieving can be exhausting and make everything heavy and confusing including our relationships and we can often feel like withdrawing. It’s ok to feel this way and it is a normal response to losing a loved one. Self care and doing what feels right for you are important right now it’s ok to take a step back and focus on things that support you in your grief.
I have included a couple of links from the griefline website that maybe helpful resources to you

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

Coping with Grief

Be gentle with yourself, it takes great courage to reach out to others when you are hurting and i hope you feel supported and heard here on the forum and continue to reach out if you need to. If you need to talk to someone our Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEST)

Take care Tonzi

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear tonzi,

Losing someone so close to you, especially if you weren’t expecting it, can be incredibly disorienting. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling shattered and overwhelmed by grief on losing your Mum in this way.
Grief is complex and individual. It’s really important to give yourself time and space to navigate your emotions. While it’s important to reach out to your support network when you’re ready, it’s also your right to communicate your needs and boundaries while you go through this.
It’s not uncommon for grief to strain relationships, especially new ones, where perhaps everyones’ needs and boundaries aren’t fully understood yet. Attempts to make you feel better may come from a place of real concern, and at the same time you have a need for space and the understanding that your grief can’t be rushed or easily fixed.

Part of the difficulty of being human is that when we most need understanding, we are often least able to communicate that. Before making a big decision, consider having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and needs. You understand yourself better than anyone, and it’s OK for you to ask for space and understanding, if that’s what you need.
Grief can be a long journey, and it’s alright to take things one day at a time. If things feel overwhelming, it may be helpful to focus on self-care, healing and put off big decisions until you have more clarity and energy. Some of the resources on https://griefline.org.au/resources may be helpful to you.

If you feel up to a conversation with a caring volunteer, you are always welcome to ring the Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm AEST). We are here for you.

[tonzi]

My mum died 3 weeks ago. She was in good health and it was completely unexpected. I’m only 32 and expected to have her for so much longer. She was the person who I am the closest with in the entire world. We shared everything and supported each other. So this loss has left me absolutely shattered.

I often do struggle with extreme changes. And this is the first major loss in my life. Both sides of my grandparents I loved dearly but died in their 90s. My grief is consuming me a lot but im close with my family and friends and have a good support that makes me feel good.

A problem I’m facing currently is with my boyfriend of almost 8 months now. I’m pushing him away in a major way. We get along well. He’s a lovely person and while I’m grieving he’s being very supportive and doing his best. But we are not very close yet and havnt been vulnerable with each other as it’s all been happy times. But I’m shutting down and he’s trying to always ask how I am and try to ‘make me laugh’ or get me out doing things. As he has a naturally very positive and happy go lucky personality. And I resent it with a passion atm. People keep saying that if the relationship is good I need to let him in, but being around him makes me feel unhappy, I don’t want to chat much, I don’t want to go out. And I can tell it’s bothering him even though he says it’s fine. It’s only been less than a month since but I just don’t have the energy for a new relationship. Has anyone gone through this and does anyone have any advice from their experiences. Because atm I want to tell him I want a break.

The relationship is making my grieving harder as it’s extra stress as I feel like I have to put effort in I don’t want to.

[VM-angel33]

Dear @maried1

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. It’s so difficult, heartbreaking and unfair when we lose someone so close to us and I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
Keeping their possessions to us can be so helpful and I am glad that her blanket provides you with comfort and feeling close to her.
I can hear how difficult sleep has been, how painful it has been, how difficult it has been to get out of bed and keep going.
I can hear self blame as well, please know that you did everything you could and you sounded like such a generous carer and guardian.
I am sorry to hear about the fall and the failings of the medical professionals, I can’t imagine how difficult that would also be to deal with and the severity of her injury.
Losing someone unexpectedly is deeply shocking and upsetting.

Please know that Griefline’s helpline is here to listen. We are available 8am-8pm Monday-Sunday. We also offer support groups and online forums, which I can see you have connected to.
If your mental health is struggling, speaking to a mental health professional can be helpful too or reaching out to a service such as Beyond Blue can be helpful as well. Wishing you all the best. We have some information on our website about coping which could be helpful too.

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

Dealing with Insomnia

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

Mindfulness for Grief

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