Loss of a Loved One

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

Topic

[VM-Rose]

Dear @tonzi

I’m sorry to hear about the sudden and unexpected loss of your mum, the person you were closet to in this whole entire world. Losing your mum that you love and care deeply about and whom you shared everything with is incredibly painful I felt deeply when you said you were shattered and that grief is consuming you i can only imagine the shock and deep heartache you are experiencing right now, and i’m sending you a big hug.

It sounds like you have good support from your friends and family and that must really help when you need it most. I also hear that you need your own space at the moment and it’s requiring a lot of effort and strength to maintain your relationship with your partner, whilst dealing with the grief of losing your precious mum. Grieving can be exhausting and make everything heavy and confusing including our relationships and we can often feel like withdrawing. It’s ok to feel this way and it is a normal response to losing a loved one. Self care and doing what feels right for you are important right now it’s ok to take a step back and focus on things that support you in your grief.
I have included a couple of links from the griefline website that maybe helpful resources to you

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

Coping with Grief

Be gentle with yourself, it takes great courage to reach out to others when you are hurting and i hope you feel supported and heard here on the forum and continue to reach out if you need to. If you need to talk to someone our Helpline 1300 845 745 8am to 8pm: 7 days (AEST)

Take care Tonzi

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear tonzi,

Losing someone so close to you, especially if you weren’t expecting it, can be incredibly disorienting. It’s completely understandable that you’re feeling shattered and overwhelmed by grief on losing your Mum in this way.
Grief is complex and individual. It’s really important to give yourself time and space to navigate your emotions. While it’s important to reach out to your support network when you’re ready, it’s also your right to communicate your needs and boundaries while you go through this.
It’s not uncommon for grief to strain relationships, especially new ones, where perhaps everyones’ needs and boundaries aren’t fully understood yet. Attempts to make you feel better may come from a place of real concern, and at the same time you have a need for space and the understanding that your grief can’t be rushed or easily fixed.

Part of the difficulty of being human is that when we most need understanding, we are often least able to communicate that. Before making a big decision, consider having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and needs. You understand yourself better than anyone, and it’s OK for you to ask for space and understanding, if that’s what you need.
Grief can be a long journey, and it’s alright to take things one day at a time. If things feel overwhelming, it may be helpful to focus on self-care, healing and put off big decisions until you have more clarity and energy. Some of the resources on https://griefline.org.au/resources may be helpful to you.

If you feel up to a conversation with a caring volunteer, you are always welcome to ring the Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm AEST). We are here for you.

[tonzi]

My mum died 3 weeks ago. She was in good health and it was completely unexpected. I’m only 32 and expected to have her for so much longer. She was the person who I am the closest with in the entire world. We shared everything and supported each other. So this loss has left me absolutely shattered.

I often do struggle with extreme changes. And this is the first major loss in my life. Both sides of my grandparents I loved dearly but died in their 90s. My grief is consuming me a lot but im close with my family and friends and have a good support that makes me feel good.

A problem I’m facing currently is with my boyfriend of almost 8 months now. I’m pushing him away in a major way. We get along well. He’s a lovely person and while I’m grieving he’s being very supportive and doing his best. But we are not very close yet and havnt been vulnerable with each other as it’s all been happy times. But I’m shutting down and he’s trying to always ask how I am and try to ‘make me laugh’ or get me out doing things. As he has a naturally very positive and happy go lucky personality. And I resent it with a passion atm. People keep saying that if the relationship is good I need to let him in, but being around him makes me feel unhappy, I don’t want to chat much, I don’t want to go out. And I can tell it’s bothering him even though he says it’s fine. It’s only been less than a month since but I just don’t have the energy for a new relationship. Has anyone gone through this and does anyone have any advice from their experiences. Because atm I want to tell him I want a break.

The relationship is making my grieving harder as it’s extra stress as I feel like I have to put effort in I don’t want to.

[VM-angel33]

Dear @maried1

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. It’s so difficult, heartbreaking and unfair when we lose someone so close to us and I am so sorry that you are dealing with this.
Keeping their possessions to us can be so helpful and I am glad that her blanket provides you with comfort and feeling close to her.
I can hear how difficult sleep has been, how painful it has been, how difficult it has been to get out of bed and keep going.
I can hear self blame as well, please know that you did everything you could and you sounded like such a generous carer and guardian.
I am sorry to hear about the fall and the failings of the medical professionals, I can’t imagine how difficult that would also be to deal with and the severity of her injury.
Losing someone unexpectedly is deeply shocking and upsetting.

Please know that Griefline’s helpline is here to listen. We are available 8am-8pm Monday-Sunday. We also offer support groups and online forums, which I can see you have connected to.
If your mental health is struggling, speaking to a mental health professional can be helpful too or reaching out to a service such as Beyond Blue can be helpful as well. Wishing you all the best. We have some information on our website about coping which could be helpful too.

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

Dealing with Insomnia

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

Mindfulness for Grief

[smb1]

Hi , I lost my partner / best friend April . From diagnosis to be deceased in 3 weeks

[smb1]

Hi , I lost my partner / best friend April . From diagnosis to be deceased in 2 weeks

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear Isabella,

Firstly, I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s completely normal to feel a mix of emotions, even after a significant amount of time has passed since your loss. Grief is a complex and personal process that takes time, and it’s essential to be patient with yourself.
It’s understandable to feel like others expect you to have moved on after a certain amount of time, but the truth is that grief doesn’t follow a linear path or a specific timeline. It’s natural to feel a deeper sense of sadness as the reality of your mother’s absence sets in.

Visiting the cemetery can be a difficult and emotional experience. It’s okay if you’re not ready to go, and there’s no need to push yourself to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Everyone finds different ways to feel connected to their loved ones, and it’s important to find what works best for you. It could be looking at photos, sharing stories with family and friends, or even engaging in activities that your mother enjoyed.

As you navigate this process, remember that it’s crucial to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your emotions and give yourself permission to feel them. It can also be helpful to seek support from a grief counselor or a support group where you can share your experiences with others who understand the complexity of grief. You are always welcome to have a free and non-judgemental conversation with a caring volunteer on the Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm AEST) whenever you feel you are ready.

Your love for your mother is evident, and it’s clear that you miss her deeply. Please know that your feelings are normal, and it’s okay to take the time you need to grieve and heal. Remember, healing doesn’t mean forgetting your Mum; it means finding a way to carry her love and memory with you as you move forward.

[isabella]

I lost my mum a year and a half ago and it still hasn’t hit me, its so weird that i think sometimes she is going to come back and as the time goes by it just gets more painful. People around me think its all good now, that everything is better than before cause its been more than a year, almost two, but i just feel sadder thinking about it,like she really isn’t going to come back, i don’t even want to do anything for her two year anniversary cause it just makes it more real. I haven’t been able to go to her cemetery because i don’t know what to do when i get there and i’m scared that i’ll just stand there and cry, which i don’t want to do. Is that bad?

[VM-Summer24]

Hi @maried1, I’m so glad you have found Griefline as you face this tragic and unexpected loss of your beloved sister.

Reading about the beautiful relationship you had with Kay is powerful and moving, and your love for her shines through in your message. From the way you write, it seems clear that Kay knew how much she meant to you, and as @VM-Eggo said too, it must have been a huge comfort for her to have you there at the hospital.

You are going through so much right now, with the trauma of what happened, your heartbreak at losing someone so precious, and that added element of feeling like she was let down. I just want to acknowledge your courage in seeking support, and reiterate that you are not alone. I especially hope you can be kind and gentle to yourself during this time.

The helpline and forums are here for you, and you might also like to have a browse through this guide which offers understanding and gentle strategies for caring for yourself while coping with such a heavy loss: https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/.

Most of all, please keep reaching out. You are in a community here where people truly want to listen and support you whenever you need it.

• This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by VM-Summer24.

[VM-Eggo]

Hi @mariedl,

Thanks for being so brave in sharing your story and expressing your loss. It sounds like you had an incredibly close and loving relationship with your sister, and I’m so sorry to hear of the circumstances around her passing. I can hear the incredible pain that you are feeling right now, but know that it is completely normal to have intense feelings of grief following the recent loss of sibling, and even feelings of responsibility. Though, I’m sure your sister was greatly comforted by your presence with her at the hospital in Sydney.

If you’d like to talk to someone, the Griefline helpline is available 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm at 1300 845 745. We also have excellent resources on our website https://griefline.org.au/resources/. You are not alone in this, and should you need us, we are here with you.

Sending you comfort in your loss,

VM-Eggo

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