Loss of a Loved One

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

Topic

[VM-Serenity66]

Dear Isabella,

Firstly, I want you to know that your feelings are valid, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. It’s completely normal to feel a mix of emotions, even after a significant amount of time has passed since your loss. Grief is a complex and personal process that takes time, and it’s essential to be patient with yourself.
It’s understandable to feel like others expect you to have moved on after a certain amount of time, but the truth is that grief doesn’t follow a linear path or a specific timeline. It’s natural to feel a deeper sense of sadness as the reality of your mother’s absence sets in.

Visiting the cemetery can be a difficult and emotional experience. It’s okay if you’re not ready to go, and there’s no need to push yourself to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Everyone finds different ways to feel connected to their loved ones, and it’s important to find what works best for you. It could be looking at photos, sharing stories with family and friends, or even engaging in activities that your mother enjoyed.

As you navigate this process, remember that it’s crucial to be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Acknowledge your emotions and give yourself permission to feel them. It can also be helpful to seek support from a grief counselor or a support group where you can share your experiences with others who understand the complexity of grief. You are always welcome to have a free and non-judgemental conversation with a caring volunteer on the Helpline (1300 845 745 8am-8pm AEST) whenever you feel you are ready.

Your love for your mother is evident, and it’s clear that you miss her deeply. Please know that your feelings are normal, and it’s okay to take the time you need to grieve and heal. Remember, healing doesn’t mean forgetting your Mum; it means finding a way to carry her love and memory with you as you move forward.

[isabella]

I lost my mum a year and a half ago and it still hasn’t hit me, its so weird that i think sometimes she is going to come back and as the time goes by it just gets more painful. People around me think its all good now, that everything is better than before cause its been more than a year, almost two, but i just feel sadder thinking about it,like she really isn’t going to come back, i don’t even want to do anything for her two year anniversary cause it just makes it more real. I haven’t been able to go to her cemetery because i don’t know what to do when i get there and i’m scared that i’ll just stand there and cry, which i don’t want to do. Is that bad?

[VM-Summer24]

Hi @maried1, I’m so glad you have found Griefline as you face this tragic and unexpected loss of your beloved sister.

Reading about the beautiful relationship you had with Kay is powerful and moving, and your love for her shines through in your message. From the way you write, it seems clear that Kay knew how much she meant to you, and as @VM-Eggo said too, it must have been a huge comfort for her to have you there at the hospital.

You are going through so much right now, with the trauma of what happened, your heartbreak at losing someone so precious, and that added element of feeling like she was let down. I just want to acknowledge your courage in seeking support, and reiterate that you are not alone. I especially hope you can be kind and gentle to yourself during this time.

The helpline and forums are here for you, and you might also like to have a browse through this guide which offers understanding and gentle strategies for caring for yourself while coping with such a heavy loss: https://griefline.org.au/resources/when-a-loved-one-dies-guide-to-coping-with-grief-loss/.

Most of all, please keep reaching out. You are in a community here where people truly want to listen and support you whenever you need it.

• This reply was modified 4 days, 4 hours ago by VM-Summer24.

[VM-Eggo]

Hi @mariedl,

Thanks for being so brave in sharing your story and expressing your loss. It sounds like you had an incredibly close and loving relationship with your sister, and I’m so sorry to hear of the circumstances around her passing. I can hear the incredible pain that you are feeling right now, but know that it is completely normal to have intense feelings of grief following the recent loss of sibling, and even feelings of responsibility. Though, I’m sure your sister was greatly comforted by your presence with her at the hospital in Sydney.

If you’d like to talk to someone, the Griefline helpline is available 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm at 1300 845 745. We also have excellent resources on our website https://griefline.org.au/resources/. You are not alone in this, and should you need us, we are here with you.

Sending you comfort in your loss,

VM-Eggo

[maried1]

I have recently lost my beautiful sister under tragic circumstances.
her passing was sudden and unexpected.
I am finding it hard to sleep. I take a blanket of hers to bed every night so I somehow feel close to her.
I didnt think I would have to go through this the pain, heartache is unbearable.
Kay was my elder sister, she was born with Intellectual Disability, but to me she was just who she was.
I have always been her carer , guardian, until she went to a group residence 13 yrs ago.
this is where it happened, the day that changed our lives forever.
Kay had a fall, & sustained a severe injury, that was not picked up by medical interventions, for 3 days.
from the support staff, paramedics, hospital.
although she expressed, she was in bad pain, and the visual signs were also ignored.
3 days after us telling them medical drs, something was dreadfully wrong with her , it was finally looked into, it was
found there was a break in her neck.
Kay needed emergency surgery. I spent 3 weeks in sy7dney with her at RNS, only to loose her, unexpectedly,
due to consequences due to spinal cord injury.
I dont know what is left for me, I cant sleep, some days I dont want to get out of bed.I see her face everywhere, the look she gave
me the last time I seen her.
my heart is shattered, she didnt deserve this, I feel I have let her down, the staff let her down, the drs let her down.
I have lost loved ones before , but this pain is something I have never felt , ever.
I just miss my Kay so deeply, I wish I could have her back, life is just so not fair.

[VM-angel33]

Hi @nicyoung
Thank you for being so open with us and for using the forum. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your husband and mum. I can’t imagine how difficult that would have been, especially the close timing of the two. I can hear that your father only recently passed away, and I can’t imagine how difficult the compounding of grief would be.
Feelings of anger, missing them and sadness are normal for someone who has gone through grief, especially multiple times, you’re not alone.

If you need help putting one foot in front of the other, please know that there is support available.
If you need support during your grieving process, please know that the Griefline helpline is available 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm. Our Helpline’s phone number is 1300 845 745. We also have a plethora of resources available on https://griefline.org.au/resources/ . Our online forum is available 24/7.

If you need mental health support and would like to, there are services such as Beyond Blue, SANE Australia, and Lifeline which are free and could provide support between sessions with your psychologist.

Wishing you all the best moving forward.
VM-Angel33

[VM-angel33]

Hi @dolphinnn

Thank you for reaching out on our forums and being so open with us in sharing your experiences and story.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Poppa and Cat. I also can’t imagine how difficult it would be to have lost them on the same morning, the compounding of grief would be really tough.
I’m glad that you were able to spend his last weeks with him, as it seemed special and important to you. I’m really sorry that you struggle with remembering the noise of the death rattle and breathing difficulties. People respond to grief in different ways, and it seems like it hasn’t hit you fully yet, and I can hear how tough the time has been since his passing. I’m really sorry to hear that it’s worsening your mental health and causing you to feel angry and depressed, and that it is difficult with family members acting nice only after the funeral.
I’m so sorry your cat was put down too and was really sick.
It sounds difficult to have not had the support from your partner and the lack of empathy, at a time when you needed it. It sounds like you’re feeling alone and that it’s hard to process and you can’t talk to family and your parents.
I’m sorry also that you can’t see your psychologist more frequently because of the restrictions of the mental health care plan. It sounds hard to be strong and your feelings are entirely valid.

If you need support during your grieving process, please know that the Griefline helpline is available 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm. Our Helpline’s phone number is 1300 845 745. We also have a plethora of resources available on https://griefline.org.au/resources/ . Our online forum is available 24/7.

If you need mental health support and would like to, there are services such as Beyond Blue, eHeadspace (for 12-25 years old – not sure how old you are if this would apply to you), SANE Australia, and Lifeline which are free and could provide support between sessions with your psychologist.

[VM-angel33]

Hi @sparrow77
Thank you for using our online forum and for being so open. I am so sorry to hear that you recently lost your Dad. I can hear how much he meant to you, and how close and special your bond was. It sounds like there’s been a compounding of grief, with your older brother and mum beforehand. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be, and having to still show up for your boys and at work. I’m really sorry to hear how alone you feel and that it is difficult to function.

Please know there are many people here who are willing to support you during this time. You deserve support during this extremely difficult time.

You can call our helpline on 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am and 8pm, 7 days a week. You may also find some of the resources on our website helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/

[Lucyk1234]

Hello Sparrow77,

Thank you for being brave in sharing your experience. I’m really sorry to hear about the recent loss of your Dad. Losing a parent is such a profound and significant loss in life, especially when you have a very close bond with them. I’m hearing that you have experienced so much loss in your life which has been traumatic and painful for you. I can only imagine that losing your Dad recently must be devastating. Please be kind and gentle to yourself and allow yourself the time and space that you need to feel and reflect on your loss. It sounds like your recent loss of your Dad has evoked feelings from previous losses which can often happen with grief as you may know, and it’s not easy. Your son’s sound like they are a source of strength and loving focus for you. You are not alone and there is support there for you. If you feel like talking, you can phone Grief Line on 1300 845 745 which is open 7 days a week from 8am – 8pm. Grief Line also has some great resources on the website which you may find helpful.

Take care,
Lucy.

[sparrow77]

Hello. I recently lost my dad. My best friend my rock. He was my last family member, apart from my boys 19 and 17, im so blessed to have them. Im a single parent and I have never felt to alone
I have buried my all my family, my older brother my mum and now my dad. I feel so stick in grief and past trauma from losing my brother and my mum. I cant function properly, im letting my team at work down and even though my boys would never agree I feel like im letting them down too.

[Author]

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