Loss of a pet

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a pet animal.

For many, the loss of a pet can mirror the grief experienced when we lose a family member. The bonds we make with animals can provide us with joy, pleasure and companionship, and when they die, we can be left feeling deep sadness, isolation and loneliness.

People around us may not associate grief and loss with the passing of a pet and assume you won’t be affected or at least, not for long. This can result in feelings of hurt, anger and resentment and sometimes leads to withdrawal.

This forum is a space to freely reminisce about your pet, share your feelings of grief, discuss its effects on your relationships, and share coping strategies that have helped.

Topic

[VM-Fern]

Hi @coxy967, and thanks for raising a really important point about when to get another pet. This is extremely common. As vm watersoul said, the timing of this is entirely individual: there is certainly no correct way. My local paper recently highlighted a story about a young couple who lost their beloved young dog tragically in a wholly unexpected and sudden way. They were devastated. A few days later the paper reported that the family had adopted a new fur baby from the RSPCA and were simultaneously heartbroken and also happy. The young woman explained that she simply could not live in a house without a pet in it – the house felt far too empty. This was the correct decision for them. The most important thing is that you FEEL ready, the most important pointer. It’s normal to have doubting questioning thoughts like “is this too soon?”, “have I grieved enough?”, “am I being disloyal?”, but the answer ultimately lies within you. And from your post, it sounds like you are ready.

[VM-angel33]

Hi @etta
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your fur baby.
You have nothing to apologise for in terms of the long post, this is a safe space.

Please know that Griefline’s helpline is here for you, if you’d like someone to listen. We are available 8am-8pm every day at 1300 845 745.

Here are some resources which may be helpful

Losing a Pet: Understanding grief after the death of a companion animal

A gentle guide to self-care after loss: The E.A.S.T. approach

When a loved one dies: a guide to coping with grief and loss

[vm watersoul]

Hi @coxy967,
Thank you for sharing, your not alone. I understand how saying goodbye to a furry family member after years of love and care is absolutely heartbreaking. Dogs are family members and hold such a significant place in our hearts and homes. Grieving our pets is not linear and the timing is entirely individual for every family. For me, just hearing that you feel ready to open your home and heart to a new puppy may not mean you won’t miss Harley, yet it may also mean your capacity to love and nurture remains, even with his loss. It seems to me that you and your family may be using all the experience and heart Harley helped you develop over your 14 years and 6 months on a new puppy is a beautiful tribute to him, whenever you feel its the right time. Watersoul x

I’ve linked a article that my be helpful resources to Loosing a Pet

[coxy967]

I lost my dog last month after 14 years and 6 months. My family were aware of his age and one day would be hard to say goodbye, but he collapsed at home and never fully recovered consciousness. He was put down by our local vet in the most caring and supportive way.

It has been a month now, and I feel like I’m ready to bring a new dog into my family to fill the void that Harley left but I feel guilty that we haven’t grieved for long enough.

A new dog won’t be ‘replacing’ Harley as he was my first dog. But I think a new puppy will bring back the energy to our house and allow my kids to move on and make a new connection

I have already contacted a puppy breeder and the puppy would be ready by the end of November which would be almost 2 months to the day that Harley passed away

My only hesitation is am I moving on too quickly?

[VM-Fern]

Hi @etta and thanks for posting such a heartfelt message. I think the short answer to your question is that you are not going crazy, even if it might feel like that from time to time. When a beloved pet is lost it is very normal to feel shattered and guilty, as though you didn’t do enough, you should have done more, and so on. The sorts of thoughts that crop up in our head (not that we want them) but are not shared by anyone else who knows how you are feeling and what you are going through. It is also very common for hearing and seeing things that aren’t there, like whimpers or “seeing” her around a corner, or waiting for her to appear. It’s part of our wanting our beloved pet to be back with us. It sounds like having her bed in your room is providing comfort for you, so that definitely isn’t crazy. People grieve in their own ways – some people might want their pet’s bed removed as it provides too many painful memories. Others are like you. There isn’t any right way to grieve and it is important for you to do whatever feels right for you to help cope with your big loss. Lots of caring thoughts coming your way.

[etta]

Hi, I’ve recently lost my fur baby of 14 years. Molly was deaf, going blind, had dementia, arthritis in her spine, skin and stomach issues for which she had for many many years. The last few months we’ve noticed her declining. She no longer wanted to interact with family, all she wanted to do was sleep. The last week we had a vet come over to assess her as she didn’t want to eat and drink. After some discussion we agreed to try anti inflammatory medication to help. We had a couple of good days where I was filled with hope that our Molly still has more time with us, that was until Monday when she didn’t want to eat again. She began to whimper, more startled and refused to go near her bowl as if she wanted to eat but had forgotten or in too much pain. We made the decision to put her to sleep on Tuesday. I’m not coping at all. My heart is shattered, I feel guilty, I want her back home. I keep hearing a whimper from time to time. I’m waiting to see her walk around the corner. I have her bed in my room as I feel that if she visits she’ll be with me. Am I crazy for thinking and doing this. Sorry for the long post.

[VM-angel33]

Dear @rb64228
I am truly so sorry for the loss of your beloved pet. It’s so difficult when the pet has grown up with you, like yours did. It’s okay to feel like there is no silver lining or lesson, it’s a really difficult thing to go through 🙁 It’s a common thing to feel guilt and sadness and trying not to enjoy things because they aren’t with you. I hope you receive support to work through this difficult time.
Please feel free to reach out to our helpline 8am-8pm or continue to use our forums. Wishing you all the best.

Regards
VM-angel33

[vmrose33]

Dear abc01

Thank you for taking the time to post here; I appreciate your thoughtful comments, responses and reminders and the time and care you have for others as well as sharing your experience.

vmrose33

[abc01]

Dear All,
I sincerely hope you are all travelling well in your journey of loss. Losing our loved ones is so hard. There is no right or wrong way. Just take everyday as it comes.
ABC01

[vmrose33]

Hi Jason

I appreciate you sharing this here. Yes it can feel unbearable and the loss devastating. Also, despite pain and grief remaining to some extent we can eventually find some space for new memories, and more love and healing can grow in that space.

The puppies sound adorable and like they brought a spark of joy.

Kind regards
vmrose33

[Author]

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