Loss of a Loved One

[onlinecommunity]

Welcome to a place to discuss the loss of a partner, family member, close friend or anyone significant in your life.

Everyone grieves differently. Your grief is as unique as your own fingerprint. However, while often immensely painful, grief is our natural healing process in response to loss.

Grief comes and goes, it can be intense and then manageable, predictable and then uncontrollable. It might be brought on by a recent loss or a historical one, be triggered by an anniversary or the dread of an approaching milestone.

This forum is a safe and emotionally supportive space. It is a place to be accepted and understood by others who can empathise with you. You can feel free to remember your loved one and tell us about your grief journey. Together we can learn to understand the changing nature of grief over time while sharing coping tools and ways to practice self-care.

Topic

[VM-angel33]

Hi @nicyoung
Thank you for being so open with us and for using the forum. I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your husband and mum. I can’t imagine how difficult that would have been, especially the close timing of the two. I can hear that your father only recently passed away, and I can’t imagine how difficult the compounding of grief would be.
Feelings of anger, missing them and sadness are normal for someone who has gone through grief, especially multiple times, you’re not alone.

If you need help putting one foot in front of the other, please know that there is support available.
If you need support during your grieving process, please know that the Griefline helpline is available 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm. Our Helpline’s phone number is 1300 845 745. We also have a plethora of resources available on https://griefline.org.au/resources/ . Our online forum is available 24/7.

If you need mental health support and would like to, there are services such as Beyond Blue, SANE Australia, and Lifeline which are free and could provide support between sessions with your psychologist.

Wishing you all the best moving forward.
VM-Angel33

[VM-angel33]

Hi @dolphinnn

Thank you for reaching out on our forums and being so open with us in sharing your experiences and story.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Poppa and Cat. I also can’t imagine how difficult it would be to have lost them on the same morning, the compounding of grief would be really tough.
I’m glad that you were able to spend his last weeks with him, as it seemed special and important to you. I’m really sorry that you struggle with remembering the noise of the death rattle and breathing difficulties. People respond to grief in different ways, and it seems like it hasn’t hit you fully yet, and I can hear how tough the time has been since his passing. I’m really sorry to hear that it’s worsening your mental health and causing you to feel angry and depressed, and that it is difficult with family members acting nice only after the funeral.
I’m so sorry your cat was put down too and was really sick.
It sounds difficult to have not had the support from your partner and the lack of empathy, at a time when you needed it. It sounds like you’re feeling alone and that it’s hard to process and you can’t talk to family and your parents.
I’m sorry also that you can’t see your psychologist more frequently because of the restrictions of the mental health care plan. It sounds hard to be strong and your feelings are entirely valid.

If you need support during your grieving process, please know that the Griefline helpline is available 7 days a week from 8am to 8pm. Our Helpline’s phone number is 1300 845 745. We also have a plethora of resources available on https://griefline.org.au/resources/ . Our online forum is available 24/7.

If you need mental health support and would like to, there are services such as Beyond Blue, eHeadspace (for 12-25 years old – not sure how old you are if this would apply to you), SANE Australia, and Lifeline which are free and could provide support between sessions with your psychologist.

[VM-angel33]

Hi @sparrow77
Thank you for using our online forum and for being so open. I am so sorry to hear that you recently lost your Dad. I can hear how much he meant to you, and how close and special your bond was. It sounds like there’s been a compounding of grief, with your older brother and mum beforehand. I can’t imagine how difficult that would be, and having to still show up for your boys and at work. I’m really sorry to hear how alone you feel and that it is difficult to function.

Please know there are many people here who are willing to support you during this time. You deserve support during this extremely difficult time.

You can call our helpline on 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am and 8pm, 7 days a week. You may also find some of the resources on our website helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/

[Lucyk1234]

Hello Sparrow77,

Thank you for being brave in sharing your experience. I’m really sorry to hear about the recent loss of your Dad. Losing a parent is such a profound and significant loss in life, especially when you have a very close bond with them. I’m hearing that you have experienced so much loss in your life which has been traumatic and painful for you. I can only imagine that losing your Dad recently must be devastating. Please be kind and gentle to yourself and allow yourself the time and space that you need to feel and reflect on your loss. It sounds like your recent loss of your Dad has evoked feelings from previous losses which can often happen with grief as you may know, and it’s not easy. Your son’s sound like they are a source of strength and loving focus for you. You are not alone and there is support there for you. If you feel like talking, you can phone Grief Line on 1300 845 745 which is open 7 days a week from 8am – 8pm. Grief Line also has some great resources on the website which you may find helpful.

Take care,
Lucy.

[sparrow77]

Hello. I recently lost my dad. My best friend my rock. He was my last family member, apart from my boys 19 and 17, im so blessed to have them. Im a single parent and I have never felt to alone
I have buried my all my family, my older brother my mum and now my dad. I feel so stick in grief and past trauma from losing my brother and my mum. I cant function properly, im letting my team at work down and even though my boys would never agree I feel like im letting them down too.

[vmrose33]

Dear Dolphinnn

I can hear that was a lot for you – both your Poppa and Cat unwell at the same time and lost on the same day; also, it still is, with both grieving and also having to be the strong one holding everything together without receiving support for yourself. My heart goes out to you, I can hear how tough and painful it has been.

I am proud of you for reaching out and sharing here, and glad to hear you have a great psychologist even though you can’t see them often enough.

Have you explored the Griefline website? There are articles and other resources that you might find helpful. Also, you can call Griefline national helpline 1300 845 745 to
speak to a specially trained telephone support volunteer 8am to 8pm, 7 days a week; or Kids Helpline is available 24/7 to support people aged between five and 25, 1800 551 800 (I am not sure of your age). Or Lifeline helpline is available 24/7 if you are experiencing crisis – 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14.

Kind regards and take care

vmrose33

[dolphinnn]

I recently lost my Poppa and my Cat, both the same morning… My Poppa we had our chances to spend his last weeks with him and spend time with him which I am forever grateful for.
He was on Dialysis for 7 and a half years and had a pacemaker put in before christmas and we thought we were gonna loose him then but we got one last christmas with him. It was his choice to stop Dialysis and exactly 7 days later he passed peacefully in his sleep. The night before he passed away I was sitting by his bedside and holding his hand listening to the death rattle and watching him struggle to breathe in his sleep. I will never forget that noise. It hasn’t even been a month yet and it feels like it hasn’t hit me yet. I suffer with mental health issues already and can feel myself in a depressive episode and getting angry and placing blame on other family members for things that were missed out on and for some of my family members who only started to be nice after his funeral. I had to put my cat down only maybe 5 hours later after getting the news about my Poppa and my cat was so sick and had been for days even after numerous vet visits he had less than a 50% chance even with surgery and they didn’t think he would make it anyway. My partner wasn’t very supportive and couldn’t show empathy during all this and I feel so incredibly alone. I feel like I can’t talk to my family as I was the only one holding my house together for my family and my house is all doom and gloom and I can’t even bring anything up without having to support them and getting nothing in return. I feel like the adult to my own parents right now. I don’t know where to go or how to even begin to process all of this. I can’t even see my psychologist more frequently because of the sessions for a care plan and they don’t charge out of pocket plus I have a great therapeutic relationship and he knows my history to be able to help me more than any other professional. Everyone commends me for being so strong but that’s because I don’t let anyone see the truth as I’ve always had to be the strong person and I don’t have someone to be my strong person. Yes I have a partner but he has only made things so much harder with everything going on even after speaking with him. Just don’t know where to start my grieving process and how to let myself feel what it is I feel.

[vmShila]

Hello @nicyoung, just echoing @ vmmistonthelake. You’ve shown such courage reaching out at what is such an overwhelming time of loss. Please know that there is support for you when you need it and you can call 1300 845 745 between 8am and 8pm 7 days per week. I hope that you are finding ways to gently care for yourself and to seek support from loved ones, and professionals when you need it. I know it is hard to imagine, but I just wanted to say that the terrible pain will not be with you forever, although the grief and sense of loss may never fully leave, the intensity of your pain will change over time. We are here for you, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Go gently,
Vmshila

[VM-MistOnTheLake]

Hello Nicyoung,

Thank you so much for bravely reaching out for help. I am sorry that it has taken so long for you to receive a response. It is very sad to hear that you lost your husband and then lost your mother while commemorating your husband’s life. The loss of two very significant persons in your life is a heavy load to bear. It must be hard to put one foot in front of the other, but you are showing strength by expressing your feelings and seeking support. Please take the time to be gentle with yourself as you deal with this grief. Your husband and mother are two people that you would naturally turn to for support during hard times. I am hearing that you may feel you don’t know where to turn. It must be so difficult. Please know there are many people here who are willing to support you during this time. You can call our helpline on 1300 845 745 between the hours of 8am and 8pm, 7 days a week. You may also find some of the resources on our website helpful: https://griefline.org.au/resources/

Take care,

Mistonthelake

• This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by VM-MistOnTheLake.

[nicyoung]

I lost my husband in January this year and after the funeral just as we were walking in to his wake my mother collapsed and couldn’t be saved. I lost 2 of the most important people to me in the space of 10 days. My father passed less than 2 years ago and I have been dealing with that and helping my mum, but I have never felt pain like this. My husband was my person, we were only married 7 years but we loved each other in a way I have never experienced. I feel angry with him for leaving me, but just really miss him so much, and the one person I would go to for support in my mum, has also gone. So hard to keep getting one foot in front of the other sometimes.

[Author]

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