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Wanting to support my grieving daughter who lost her husband

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Home Forums Loss of a loved one Wanting to support my grieving daughter who lost her husband

  • This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 months ago by VM-rose.
  • Creator
    Topic
  • #29750
    bigfella1956
    Participant

    Good morning, everyone. My 38 year old daughter lost her husband some 7 months ago and she has been in a raw state since. She has 2 kids, one 4 and one 3. People around my daughter, namely family and friends, will offer support but when it comes to the crunch, very few if any act on that offer and this of course distresses her (and me too). My question to myself is “Why do people do this?” I have my own opinion on this from my personal experiences, however, I’d like to pose the question to this forum and I would be grateful for any light others may be able to shed on this from their own experiences. Regards, Chris

Viewing 4 replies - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
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  • #29787
    VM-Tzimisce
    Participant

    Hi @bigfella1956

    It seems from your own experiences, you know how tough this time is and you are standing by your daughter. That will mean so much to her, to know that she has her father to lean on in this time of loss and change. Having just one person who is a constant can be so much help.

    In answer to your question, I believe people are pulling away or flaking on their offers because your daughter’s grief makes them uncomfortable. Some of them may be thinking ‘it’s been 7 months, why isn’t she over this,’ while others might resent the fact that she is still visibly mourning when they were unable to do so in their own situation. But, deep down, I think it comes down to the pressures of modern society. Many of her friends who have offered support are likely struggling themselves despite not having experienced a recent loss. Family could very much be the same. That won’t soothe the hurt of friends/family making offers and then failing to follow through but it could explain it a little.

    You speak about the raw state your daughter is in, still. Has she been accessing any services? The Griefline helpline (1300 845 745) is available from 8 am to 8 pm AEST and we even have a callback service. Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to call as well and discuss these issues with a volunteer? While your daughter lost her husband, you also lost your son-in-law.

    #29806
    VM-rose
    Participant

    Hello @bigfella1956, I am deeply sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter’s husband. I can’t imagine what you’re all going through. Grief and loss can cause people to feel a range of different emotions that they may not be comfortable experiencing. Sometimes people feel they don’t know what to say or do to make the person experiencing grief “feel better.” It definitely doesn’t feel good when the people around us who are supposed to be there during hard times aren’t there. I’m sorry to hear that this has been your experience. From personal experience, when a friend of mine passed away, some of my closest friends didn’t really speak to me about the situation for some time. Looking back, I believe they were processing their own grief and so they couldn’t be there for me in the way I would have appreciated. Have you been able to speak to someone you trust about your experience? You can continue to connect with others by using the Griefline forum. It’s so important during this difficult time to connect with others who are going through grief and loss. You’ve taken a courageous first step by reaching out to Griefline. We’re here to listen and support you.

    #29807
    bigfella1956
    Participant

    Hi @VMTzimisce and @VM-rose. Thank you both for your responses – they have helped a lot. My daughter has been getting help from a trained counsellor and that has done her a world of good. As for me, I’m OK – am pretty resilient fortunately. Regards, CHris

    #29809
    VM-rose
    Participant

    Hello @bigfella1956, I’m so glad to hear that your daughter has been getting help from a trained counsellor and that she’s benefited from it. Thank you for contacting Griefline, take care.

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