Traumatic loss of my dad

[cjn2022]

On the 9th of June 2022, my dad was killed and my world view has forever changed. My dad was riding his bike, safety to him was such a priority that he even carried a laminated print out of the NSW bike road rules while he rode. Despite my dad being a safety conscious rider the driver of the offending car swerved into the shoulder of the road and killed my dad.

I am fluctuating between shock, disbelief and complete heartbreak. My dad was fit and healthy. He was the happiest I had seen him in my entire life. We had so many future plans that included him and I don’t know how to carry on through each day knowing these future memories have been ripped from me.

Not only have I been planning a funeral for my dad but I have also been liaising with the police and coroner. His funeral is this Friday and I don’t know how I will make it through the day. I have written a eulogy but no words seem to be able to sum up the amazing man he was and the protection he bought me throughout my life.

Further, as his senior next of kin I need to clean out his home. Every item of his I hold in my hands brings me a flood of memories and grief. Every time I smell him or see a photo I feel like I will break.

Topic

[VM-Sunflower]

Deartest CJN2022,

I’m so sorry to read of your Dad’s terrible accident and not to be able to do all those beautiful things you planned.
You are dealing with so much, it must be overwhelming at time.

Today must be his funeral, I am thinking of you and hope it is a peaceful service honouring the beautiful person he was for you and others.
May you have strength for today and have others that can be there with you today. It is just heartbreaking.

Please look after yourself ..you know, the silly things…like eating and sleeping.
And come back to us & chat with us.

We’d love to hear from you again.

Big hug.

Sunflower.

[Moon]

Hi cjn, how are you going ? Did you manage to read your eulogy today? I imagine you are feeling exhausted and numb, but I hope you post again when you feel like it.
I wish I’d seen your post earlier, but today is actually 6 months since I buried my 19 year old son, so I’ll shed some tears alongside you tonight.
I have also had to bury my father, organise everything, experienced the same emotions (still do) but I’d like to invite you to slow down and let yourself grieve a little.
The coroner can wait, and it’s too early to think about his estate. I recommend doing what I did, wearing my dad’s flannelette shirts that smelled like him to bed tonight, even if it makes you cry, it’s comforting, I promise xx

[Moon]

Hi cjn, hope you find this music comforting, as I do xx

[cjn2022]

Thank you all for your beautiful replies
I managed to make it through my eulogy. I think standing at the front of the podium I channeled my dad – he was always my strength and protection. I just wish I could’ve been his before he was killed.
I found a quote which started it off which I would love to share;
In good times, love is felt
as a lightness in the heart,
a lifting of our spirits. In
times of loss, the heaviness
of grief reveals the true weight of love that we carry for those we’ve lost.
Grief is the revelation of
love’s depths.
-John Mark Green

I am still trying to find myself and how to function in each day. To get through I am trying to channel the strength that I know my dad would show. There is still much to come, such as the court case but I’m trying to find a ritual to practice each day to soothe my soul. For now it is listening to some of his favorite songs.

Thank you to for sending that song through, music has really been helping.

I feel such immense pain lately but it is comforting to speak to others, even if it is just sharing or reading your stories. A lot of your stories of life give me hope that one day, my pain may lessonZ

[cjn2022]

Thank you for your words moon, along with the suggestion of wearing his shirt as you did your dad. I have two beanies of his which I have been keeping by my bed.

I’m so sorry for your losses, it just isn’t fair is it. When I light a candle for my dad tonight I will also be thinking of you x

[Moon]

Hey cjn, hugs, just by having the courage to write here tonight, is testimony, that your father’s resilience is now within you.
Merci for sharing and inviting us to hold your hand alongside. I’m sure you must have read some of our stories here, I hope you continue to feel safe to share, I’ll be listening xx

[Moon]

Please share his fav songs, if you can xx

[Moon]

Hiya, just wanted to say thinking of you xx

[Author]

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