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I lost my dear Dad suddenly a couple of months ago. I was a complete wreck for a long time, and found it very hard to accept with it being so sudden.
My Dad had been remarried for a long time. My step-mum had always been jealous of our relationship – she resented the fact that my Dad had had a life/family before she met him. The fact that I look like my Mum and was a constant reminder to my Dad probably didn’t help. I never lived with them (she made it clear she didn’t want another female in the house from the start) and I’d grown up with my Mum who was a beautiful person inside and out. However, over the years when visiting she was always within ear shot and never left my Dad and I alone for more than a minute or two before coming back into the room for ‘something’. My poor Dad was stuck in the middle trying to please us both as he loved us both dearly – he could see clearly what was happening. Once when we were away on holiday, I actually managed to get my Dad alone for a cuppa one evening whilst she’d gone to their room. I could tell quite clearly she was completely put out by it and there was major tension because of it.
Despite the fact that this woman made my life difficult I’ve been texting her every 2 or 3 days as I know she’s utterly devastated as they did everything together. I’ve empathised with her, offered suggestions on how to get through this awful time and generally been there to support her, whilst also sharing my own sadness to some degree. However, every message she sends is focused on her and her ‘beloved husband’. On more than one occasion she’s said that “I know you miss your Dad but at least you have (my partner and son), but I have no-one now.” It hurts immensely as I feel she’s dismissing my relationship with my Dad and the deep grief that I feel. Yes, I have my partner and son but no-one can replace my Dad! I’ll miss him for the rest of my life. My 12-year-old read the message and even he commented that it wasn’t the right thing to say.
Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to respond – without offending her but also to make it known that my feelings count too. It’s really eating away at me, I want to have my say, ‘voice’ my feelings but don’t want to cause offence either, and she’s someone who takes offence easily. To add, she’s always been self-centred, always interjecting conversations that weren’t about her and getting the attention back on her. It’s been exhausting and I miss my Dad so much 🙁
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